Release My Pain
by Zaiden Jace
Summary: He came back to keep her from making a mistake. He was lost and alone. His wife didn't want him. She was depressed and pathetic. She wasn't good enough for him. Together they stich themselves up and fight the vampires trying to keep them apart.
1. I Miss You

I was right back where I started those two long months ago, when _he_ left me. I leaned back against the cold bark of the tree. The ground I sat on was wet from this morning's storm. I barely noticed it though. The only thing on my mind was him, my Edward. No, he wasn't mine because I wasn't good enough. A series of pain shot through my chest, like every other time I dare thought his name.

Ever since he left me I had never been the same. In the beginning, I couldn't walk down the hall without people giving me those sad pathetic looks. Now, they hardly acknowledged I was there. Not even Angela tried to speak to me anymore, not that I blamed her for giving up. It wasn't as though I tried to interact, or even pretend to care that they were slipping away.

I even lost my job. Mrs. Newton didn't want to let me go but I wasn't exactly good at it anymore. I was horrible with customers and often slipped into the storage room to cry when things got too bad, which was most of the time I was there. A customer came in wearing a jacket that resembled _his_ and I felt as though I was suffocating. The doctor called it a panic attack. Yes, the doctor. Mrs. Newton was so freaked out she took me to the hospital so now I have to take these pretty blue pills once a day, though I stopped taking them last week.

The relationship I had with Charlie had been better when I lived with Renee. I hated that he worried so much about me. I had tried to pretend to be okay but I was a terrible liar, so I quit trying. Renee gave up like everyone else. She came down once to try to cheer me up but once she saw how damaged he left me she insisted on coming back with her. I desperately wanted to. Being in Forks meant that everywhere I looked, I saw Edward. His memories were all over, even though he said it would be as though he never existed. I wanted to go but a part of me needed to stay to hold on to the little piece of him I had left. Pathetic, yes, but I stopped caring the day he left me.

With shaky hands I held the balled up shirt in my hand. I had promised to Edward that I wouldn't do anything reckless but I couldn't care less. He promised he would never leave me. He lied, so I did too.

I breathed in heavily, the pain in my chest making it tough. The more I thought about him, or even his name, the more I wanted it to end. I was actually thankful for my friends and family deserting me. Now when I was no longer around I couldn't hurt anyone anymore. Yes my parents would probably be upset at first but they would move on. Renee was easily distracted and Charlie and I had never really been close…

I rolled my sleeves up, revealing the many scars from my previous breakdowns. They all varied in size and how deep they were. I had started on my leg so I wouldn't risk anyone seeing. After awhile though I desired the feel of my skin ripping open so bad I didn't care where I cut, as long as I got him out of my head. Luckily it was always cold in Forks so no one questioned why I was constantly in a long sleeved shirt.

I unrolled the blue shirt, Edward's favorite on me. Blood from old cuts was splattered all over it. Quivering, I grabbed my razor blade. I had tried to stay around for Charlie but, I knew he would be better off if he wasn't watching his zombie daughter crawl deeper into a hole. Though I couldn't put this all off on Charlie, this was the doing of my own selfishness. Edward was my life and when he left I died. I was just finishing what he started.

Even after the many uses the blade was still sharp. I placed it at the start of my wrist and began to slice my wrist open, to finally have peace. But before I could even break the skin a white blur moved in front of my face and the blade was gone.

I froze, my heart literally stopping for a second. _Edward?_ No! I refuse to believe it was him. He left me because he didn't love me, because I wasn't good enough for him. He wasn't coming back. Even with these thoughts a little piece of me still hoped it was him.

Holding my breath, I slowly lifted my head. I gasped. Staring down at me with tortured eyes stood the pale blond vampire. "Jasper…"

"What have we done to you?" he said softly.

His words were my undoing. Tears flushed from my eyes like a faucet. Jasper was too blurry to see but I felt him lean down and wrap his arms around me. A sane person would have run screaming since he tried to kill me on my birthday, but I obviously wasn't sane since I had been moments away from ending my life. Maybe I wouldn't have to do it myself. Maybe my blood would become too much of a temptation and Jasper would just kill me.

I raised my wrist, red with scars, to his mouth. He instantly jerked his head away and readjusted his arms so they were now restraints, the same as comfort. "Please," I begged. "I won't even scream. Please just end this pain for me. Please!" I sobbed.

"Hush Isabella," he said softly as he rocked me back and forth. I could feel he was trying to push calmness upon me, but my emotions were too strong for it to actually take effect.

"Just kill me please."

"Death knows your time and it is not now. I can feel how much it hurts and it's almost crippling me. You aren't alone though…The pain won't always be this strong. I'm not saying that it will go away, but it won't hurt as much," he said soothingly.

As I listened to him my sobs resided. The tears were still flowing freely, forming a massive puddle on his shirt, which was probably expensive. I felt even worse now that I had ruined his shirt. He seemed to realize what I was thinking because he snorted. "Stop worrying about me Bella. I won't get mad at you. Cry as much as you need to, I will be here for you, always." He ran a hand through my messy hair.

A shaky yawn came out of me as Jasper stood with me in his arms. It made since that I would be exhausted, I hadn't slept without nightmares since they left. I unconsciously snuggled closer to Jasper's body. Even if the cold faintly had me think about Edward I enjoyed it. Jasper moved swiftly through all of the trees and made it to Charlie's house. I knew I hadn't been out in the forest all that long because Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway. I was thankful because that meant he hadn't read my suicide note. It was more of letter actually. I apologized for being a horrible daughter and not being able to heal from the break up. I told him how much I loved him and how I was glad that I moved to live with him. I explained how my death was the only option to end my suffering and that I would be happy. It probably was asking too much, but I asked him not to grieve for me and to move on with his life. I had thought about writing a note to Renee as well but there were no words that I could say to her.

Jasper grabbed the envelope with Charlie's name on it off the kitchen table before running up to my bedroom. "Bella you're all dirty. You should get cleaned up."

I looked down at myself, covered in dirt and smelling like the outdoors. I needed a shower but I feared going into the bathroom. I didn't want to see my face, how horrible I looked. And he would probably leave as soon as I left him alone. I wasn't ready for that. I turned my back to Jasper, even though I couldn't care less if he looked or not, and pulled my dirty jeans off. I heard Jasper turn behind me. I exchanged my muddy sweatshirt for an oversized long sleeved thermal.

When I was finished I collapsed on my bed and curled into the fetal position. The tears had stopped flowing, but I think it was because I had reached the maximum number of tears that could be shed in one lifetime. My eyes felt swollen and I was sure my face was red. I was shaking slightly from being outside without a jacket. Now that the rush of death had faded some I suddenly became aware of my human needs. I was starving, exhausted, and freezing. I flinched slightly as I cursed Edward silently in my head.

Jasper sat down softly behind me. Hesitant at first, I felt his hand start to rub my back. With each touch a layer of calmness came over me. "Isabella," he breathed. "…I am unsure of what to say to you. I expected to see you having a bit of trouble when I came back but I never thought I'd see you so…"

"Pathetic," I offered in weak voice. "Ugly, Suicidal…?"

Those were only the few nicer words that I thought of myself. Everything about me just infuriated me. I was weak and worthless. I couldn't believe I hadn't tried to kill myself before. All of my life had been to serve other people and let them use me because that was my only importance; to be used and discarded when done with. No one really ever loved me or cared about me. People, and vampires, were just liars. If only I had found that out so much sooner. I would probably be out of all the pain that had destroyed me.

"I was going to say damaged but yes," he said lightly, "well besides one part. Even with a broken heart you are still beautiful. I will never understand what my brother was thinking when he left you…It is all my fault though and I will never be able to tell you how horrible I feel for it. "

"Shut up Jasper," I said letting my frustration at myself be directed at him. The beautiful remark hurt my feelings a little, adding onto the pain I already felt. I knew I was just a plane stupid girl. If he wanted to try to make me feel better he would have a better chance using his gift then his lies.

"This is all on Edward," I continued. "Do not try to take the blame for what he did. I knew what I was walking into when Edward and I started dating. It was only a matter of time before he realized I wasn't good enough to be with him. I'm just a pathetic little human." I said the last part to myself but of course he heard me.

"Isabella," he paused. "We destroyed your life by leaving as we did. We all should have fought harder against Edward to stay here. I'm so…"

"Don't," I snapped. I was so sick of the word sorry. It didn't make me feel any better and Jasper has nothing to be apologizing for. There was something I wanted to know but I didn't know how to ask without coming off rude. It was almost laughable that even after almost killing myself I still thought about other people's feelings. It was just sad.

"If you're worrying about me killing you I'm not even thirsty. I hunted before I came."

I snorted weakly. "I just begged you to kill me after you stopped me from killing myself. Do you honestly think I would worry about that?"

I heard him growl softly in his throat. "Fine, then what are you worried about?" It didn't take a mind reader to know he was biting his tongue. I was curious to know what he thought about me now. He hadn't really liked me to begin with so I wasn't really sure his opinion of me could get much lower.

"Why are you here…?"

His cold hand was suddenly off my back. "Alice had a vision of you killing yourself and I just couldn't let that happen. I'm sorry if me being here is uncomfortable for you but I had your human life in mind. You would be leaving behind all of your friends and family. Charlie would be devastated." I kind of wanted to tell him that all of the people in my "human life" were all strangers to me now but the thoughts alone made me want to cry.

"I think you would be more uncomfortable here then I would be of you. How are you able to be this close to me? I thought…Well I thought you were the weakest in their family and even _he _had trouble staying next to me at times."

"The family never had much trust in me because I was the newest in their ways. Of course it was mostly their fault considering I felt all of their emotions. Whenever one was thirsty I felt it twice as bad. I can control myself though. After your birthday it forced me to gain better control over my animal instincts. I won't kill you, even if you want me too."

I frowned. I was just so…I didn't even know. My emotions were going out of control. I was angry, upset, hurt, ashamed, depressed, lonely…It was all too much to feel on a daily basis. Why couldn't he understand that I desperately needed this to end?

"Why the hell do you even care Jasper?" I turned onto my back so I could look at him as I spoke through clenched teeth. "You never went out of your way to get to know me. You don't even like me. What does my life matter to you? If I want it to be over with I should be able to end it without your interference! Just get the hell out! You couldn't possibly understand how I feel, empath or not! You have someone who loves you unconditionally who wants to spend forever with you. Just go back to your family and don't come back!"

His eyes turned the blackest I had ever seen. I knew something I said had caused a great emotion in him and, though it irritated me further, I felt kind of bad. He shifted his eyes toward the window as though he was contemplating leaving but he didn't budge. He started to say something then stopped. He dropped his head into his hands and very quietly said, "I know exactly how you feel actually. Alice, my wife for over fifty years, left me for a stronger vampire that couldn't feel whatever she was feeling and didn't get on her nerves. She replaced me for someone better." His voice sounded a bit choked up. I was sure he would cry if he were able too.

I was in utter shock, numbing all of my other feelings temporarily. Alice had left Jasper? I had thought vampires mated for life. How could she end something that lasted for so long for some vampire she didn't even know half as long as she knew him! It was understandable for Edward to leave me, but for Alice to desert Jasper….I felt dreadful for forcing him to think about it. His pain had to be far worse than mine which made me wonder why he was with me. My depression would only amplify his. I did not envy him for his ability.

"Oh, Jasper I'm s…" I broke off. Apologizing wouldn't rewind time so it was pretty pointless. "That's horrible what she did to you and I didn't mean what I said. It just never stopped hurting, even after all this time and I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"I know," he said simply. We sat there in silence until I heard Charlie pull into the driveway. Before I would have to worry about cooking dinner but Charlie usually ordered something from the station and picked it up on the way home. He always bought me something even though I only picked at it, if that. I hated the way he looked at me to see if I was getting better and every time I was only worse. It was so unfair for him to have such false hope.

"Charlie is going to come up," I warned him. He was suddenly off the bed. I wasn't sure if he had jumped out of the window or was hiding in the closet but he was gone. A little while later I heard Charlie's footsteps on the stairs. He knocked lightly on the door before entering. He gasped when he saw me.

"Bella! What happened?" He ran to my side and dropped to his knees beside me. Thankfully the pizza box stayed shut when it dropped to the floor. Maybe it was Jasper, but for once I actually felt like eating.

I must have looked worse than I thought by Charlie's reaction. I felt horrible for not getting cleaned up before he came. Once again he was worrying about me and it was so wrong. I never should have come to Forks. "I was in the forest for a little bit. I guess I fell a lot," I said weakly.

"What were you doing out there? You know about the bear sightings! Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

If only he knew, I thought darkly. Vaguely, I remembered someone talking about giant bears roaming around and killing people. It hadn't really come to mind when I went out there but a bear attack would have been better for Charlie to handle than suicide. I grimaced slightly. Emmett had been killed by a bear…

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Tears began clouding my eyes. Every thought I had returned to them in some way. It was driving me crazy. I wish Charlie didn't have to deal with this. I was such an inconvenience to everyone.

"Oh Bells I didn't mean to yell at you. I just worry about you. You haven't been the same and I just want to have my daughter back."

I threw myself into his arms when I saw his eyes tear up. I was full out crying again. "I'm sorry. I'll try harder and I'll take the pills. I promise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Sh," Charlie cooed as he rocked me. He stood and sat us both on the bed. I felt a little bit of comfort as he rocked me back and forth. "I know how you feel Bella. Your mom did the same thing to me and I fell apart but after awhile it got better. It won't always hurt so badly. I'm not saying that it will ever stop hurting but it won't be so bad," he said honestly. It reminded me of what Jasper had told me earlier.

We stayed that way for awhile until Charlie suggested I go take a shower. I agreed to make him happy, the same as promising to eat the whole small pizza he got me. When he left the room Jasper didn't make a reappearance. I figured he decided to take my advice and return to his family. I really shouldn't have spoken to him the way I had, especially since he was going through the same thing.

It was still difficult for me to wrap my mind around what Jasper had told me. It was even harder for me to believe that he was really here. He came back into my life to save me. Alice, the one who actually saw it, wasn't here. Some best friend she was. I wondered if my death would even mean anything to her. It was easy enough for her to abandon me so why would it be any trouble to let me kill myself.

When I returned to my room, freshly washed and clean, I took my pill. Mentally I made a note to continue taking them every day, no matter how pointless I thought they were. I needed to get better but not just for Charlie, for me too. I deserved better than this…And when I stopped believing that I would at least try to get better for my dad.

I changed into a forest green tank top. Usually I would just sleep in my underwear but since I was unsure if Jasper would be returning I pulled on a pair of black shorts. I thought about Jasper as I ate my pepperoni pizza quickly. It had been so long since I really ate anything. I always picked at it or pretended to eat it just for Charlie's sake but I was never hungry. Jasper had to have some affect over that. He probably sent me a wave of hunger before he disappeared. I appreciated it if that were the case. It seems depression and heartbreak is the perfect diet plan. The tank top was baggy on me, the same as the shorts. I needed to start eating again, for Charlie.

Charlie was in bed before Jasper jumped into my room. I was reading Withering Heights as I waited. It had been so long since I had picked up this book. It was always the simplest things that you missed the most. I could feel myself taking a tiny step out of my depression, not saying that I was cured by any means. It would still be a long time before I was back to being Bella. I was just saying that Jasper's presence and him saving my life made me feel cared about…Or Alice leaving him made me feel better because I wasn't the only one that had their heart ripped out. That was horrible of me to feel comforted by someone else's misery so I really hoped it was the first reason.

"I was going to stay away until tomorrow but I got lonely," Jasper said quietly. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind terribly if I stayed here tonight. I know you have nightmares and I could keep them away, let you get a good night's sleep." His Texas drawl eased out a little as he shifted his weight to his other foot.

Though the fact that he openly admitted his feelings to me caught me off guard I was more interested in what he had said. "You would only know about my nightmares if you were here before. How long have you been here?"

He grimaced. I could tell he didn't mean to let that slip. "This is only my second day here. I wanted to let you see me before but I didn't know what to say to you or how you would react and…I had to adjust to your emotions before I got that close. Not even vampires can hit me with emotions as strong as yours. I find that it's quite…suffocating."

"Oh…" I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I decided not to. "Yeah, I guess it would be okay for you to stay. I won't exactly be the best company."

With his sensitive hearing I would probably make him death when the nightly screaming started. Although he was here before so he obviously take it and I wasn't going to complain about his company, even if I would be unconscious. Just knowing that someone was willing to be around for more than five minutes and not run away was enough to raise my spirits a tiny bit.

"Well I'd rather watch you sleep then sit in an empty house by myself. There are far too many memories for comfort there." He cautiously moved closer to my bed. I nodded as to let him know it was alright to sit. He sat cross legged in front of me. With slow movements, as not to frighten me, he gently picked up my wrist and began examining it. His cold fingers traced over the red scars.

I fought with myself to not jerk away from him. He was the first one to see my scars and probably the only one that ever would. Jasper had no connections to the humans in Forks so he couldn't possibly tell anyone and it wasn't like he would yell at me to go see a shrink. Besides, for some reason I trusted him with my secret. He knew what it felt like to lose someone he loved with all of his heart.

"If you don't mind me asking, when did you start?"

"The day he left. If you think my emotions are bad now you wouldn't have been able to function then. The cutting is the only thing that eases the pain. I know that sounded really stupid but…"

"No it's okay. I sort of understand. Everyone has different ways to release their feelings. When Alice left me I…" He cut short as if realizing he had said too much. I could tell in his face he wanted to talk about it though.

"I won't judge you," I assured him. "It's not like I am in any place to say anything about anyone."

"Oh I'm sure you will judge me," he said darkly, "but that isn't why I stopped. I know you worry about everyone else beside yourself so I assure you Charlie and your friends are all safe, as well as you are."

I frowned. "Alright," I drawled.

He took a deep breath. "I was very reckless and careless. I felt very similar to how you have been feeling which is never healthy for a vampire. You see when Alice decided we were no longer meant to be I felt as though I was alone in the world. I only became a part of the Cullen clan because of Alice. Though I was with them for a long time I never really had a strong connection to any of them and if it came down to it they would all choose Alice over me.

I wasn't thinking clearly. Vampires have covens for a reason. Solitary vampires, nomads I suppose, who lack communication with others, become volatile and insane. Alice left me a week after Edward left you and those few months I spent by myself…I wasn't feeding regularly and one day I was taking a walk through the forest...There were campers, a family. I was so thirsty I hadn't realized what I had done until their bodies lied around me. A married couple and a girl. She was so young, maybe 10 or 11. I had never taken the life of someone so young….I didn't mean to, I swear to you Bella, and it was so quick I am sure they hadn't felt a thing." A broken sob escaped his lips and tears that would never be shed burned in his eyes. "I know I am a monster and I have no right to ask you but please don't force me to leave. I am not strong enough alone. I need you to help me. You are the only one I have left!"

I stared at Jasper with wide eyes as he tearlessly sobbed and begged for me to keep him. Tears of my own welled up in my eyes. What was left of my heart broke for him. Almost a century of his life had been spent with Alice and she left him, taken away his family. There was something I could relate to.

I held my arms open to Jasper who eagerly fell into them. We laid back; Jasper's arms were tightly bound around my waist and his head rested on my chest. I ran my fingers soothingly through his honey blond hair. Thankfully he remembered I was breakable and kept his hold light, well light for him. I was sure there was a possible chance that I would have bruises.

Tears streamed down my cheek. I cried for many reasons. Edward leaving me of course was number one but also for Jasper's new found misery in the relationship he lost and the family he murdered. I cried for the sadness that my mother caused Charlie that he never seemed to recover from. I cried from the life that I had left wither away and I cried just for the sake of crying. Hoping that maybe, the tears that came crawling from my eyes would allow some of the pain to leave all of the broken souls that were no longer loved and no longer mattered.

I wasn't quite sure when I finally drifted off to sleep but I felt more rested then I had in a few months. I glanced at the clock, 5:30 am. It was obviously thanks to Jasper that I had slept so long. He was still in the same position from before. He looked up at me when he realized I was awake. He dropped his eyes and quickly sat up.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. I wasn't quite sure for what. He hadn't made me uncomfortable or anything. It was nice to have contact with someone, even if he was freezing cold. I was grateful his skin didn't make me think of _him_ too much. I appreciated the help he had already given me just by staying with me and understanding.

"I didn't mind lying with you. I actually think I needed it. This is the first time in months that I hadn't woken up screaming."

He didn't seem to know how to respond so he just lay back, keeping distance between us. I tiredly prepped myself up on my elbow. Now that there was a little light in the room I could see him, his eyes. They were completely red. I felt my heart speed quicken as fear gripped me. It was foolish to be afraid of him as I was mere hours from almost dying. Nothing should scare but looking into his eyes had me totally frightened.

He jumped up and ran toward my window. "No, wait!" I yelled then lowered my voice "'I'm sorry come back. It hadn't clicked that your eyes would still be red…How long ago did you…?"

"Wednesday," he answered still facing the window.

It made me shiver to know just four days ago he had murdered that family but still I sat up and asked, "Please don't go. I don't want to be alone anymore." I hated to hear the desperation in my voice but the thought of being alone made me terrified. What if I wanted to hurt myself again, or worse?

He sighed deeply before slowly turning around. His eyes were focused on the floor as he came closer. He sat down beside me and leaned against the backboard. "I do not want to invade your space or cause you any discomfort," he whispered with a wince.

I tilted my head slightly. I always had that reaction when I thought of something that made me think of Edward. I suddenly felt mad. "Did Alice tell you that you invaded her space?"

He nodded sadly. "I was too clingy and emotional for her."

"Aw Jasper she shouldn't have said that. I saw the way you two were together, the love in your eyes whenever you looked at her. If she doesn't appreciate you the way you are then she doesn't deserve you."

He forced a smile. "Thank you Bella. I know we were never really close but I would really like for us to become friends. It is asking a bit much considering what I did but…"

I cut him off. "What you did is in the past Jasper. It's horrible that they are dead but I know how you regret it. I would love to get to know you better. He never told me anything about you."

"Yes well it isn't a surprise since there are many things I've done far worse than murdering that family. I wanted to get to know you but Edward had the least faith in me. He was always terrified to bring you to the house whenever I was home because he was so sure I would try to bite you. I never once thought about it though, until your birthday…I hope I have your forgiveness for that. I never meant to…"

"Jasper," I snapped. "There is nothing to forgive. You are a vampire, if you were normal it would be a lot worse. You would have killed me when I asked."

He sighed. "You are far too lenient for your own good."

I disregarded that comment and asked, "What is worse than murdering that family?"

He stiffened.

"Oh I didn't mean to get in your business; I just want to be able to understand you better. You don't have to answer."

"I could tell you. It makes me feel better to talk about things but I don't think you would want to hear of what I am capable of doing. Even Carlisle was unnerved when he heard of my doings. I am a true monster. I don't want you to be afraid of me."

I held his hand. "Jasper I won't run away from you if that is how you think I will react. I'm not going anywhere."

He stared at me a moment then told me everything. I hadn't realized how old he was. The fact that he had fought in the war wasn't a complete shock because he was always reading war books but I never considered he was in the Civil War.

When he told me about Maria I was filled with rage. How could someone be so cynical and manipulative? Jasper had been through so much. It had made him a stronger person but it must have been a horrendous thing to experience. I was glad he had such a great friendship with Peter. Even then he still had his humanity when he let him save his mate Charlotte. Jasper truly was a great man, even if Alice was too stupid to see that.

I waited a few minutes to let all of what Jasper told me sink in. He looked so nervous, like he was expecting me to scream and tell him to leave me alone forever. Alice really ruined his trust even further in people. I use to see her as my best friend, as my sister, but after leaving me and Jasper I had no respect left for her. She was dead to me.

I took a deep breath and asked quietly, "Can I see?"

He instantly knew what I was talking about and his fingers began to fidget. "I don't know Bella. They are hideous," he said uncomfortably.

"I showed you my scars. It's only fair that you show me yours," I told him lightly before adding. "If your story didn't freak me out your little scars won't either. Have you forgotten I have one too?" I flashed him the bite mark from James.

He carefully rolled his shirt sleeve up without uttering a word. A gasp escaped my mouth before I could stop it. It was hell to be bitten once by a vampire but Jasper had to be bitten over a hundred times. With a trembling hand I ran my fingers gently over the bites. His eyes connected with mine and all of the anxiousness disappeared.

I smiled lightly. "See? No big deal. And I don't think they are hideous, Jazz."

He gently pulled me into his arms. "Thank you. I know you probably don't want to be compared to Alice but she really loathed my scars. She said she couldn't stand seeing them because it made her think of the vampires that did this to me. I knew it was really because she thought they were repulsing."

If I were a vampire I would hunt Alice down and destroy her. I had always thought she cared so much about Jasper but all she did was lower his self esteem and controlled him. In my opinion, she was just as bad as Maria.

Even though I didn't want to build up Alice I didn't want Jasper to feel self conscious about his scars. "I'm sure she wasn't repulsed by them Jasper." I began to trace the bites very lightly with my middle finger.

"Even if she hadn't told me I could feel her emotions. If I wanted to be in the same room as her, none of my scars could be seen or I would feel her disgust toward me. She refused to be intimate with me unless I wore a shirt. She never asked me to swim with her or just sit on the beach because then she would have to see them." His voice was so sad it made my chest hurt.

With my eyes locked on his I lowered myself to his arm and gently kissed all of the bites. He seemed openly shocked that I did that. I was kind of shocked myself that I did something so bold. There was something about Jasper that just made me feel different, feel better. He squeezed me tighter to his chest and kissed my forehead. When his lips made the connection to my skin I felt a little zap of electricity. It wasn't unpleasant though, it just had me looking at Jasper with new eyes. Was it possible that I wasn't feeling so crumby because there was someone new to replace the broken heart that Edward had claim to? At that moment I didn't care. For the first time in a long time, I was okay.

**~This is the first one shot story I have ever written. I found it harder to compose than normal chapter stories. If you like this please let me know. I have another I am working on with Emmett and Bella. I was also thinking about doing one with Paul and Embry as well. Please also let me know if you would like me to turn this story into a chapter story instead of this one shot. Thank you very much for reading. Please review~**


	2. Break Even

Jasper being with me had taught me some very important things and I would be forever grateful that he had come to me for guidance. I wasn't a vampire but he thought I was strong enough to keep him in check. I know how much the Cullens had brought him down about his bloodlust. Yes, he came from a horrible past and he had slipped up as he adjusted to the vegetarian lifestyle but that was unfair of them to always expect him to fail. With all of them thinking the worst of him how was he not to think he was capable of resisting human blood?

It became clear to me that not all relationships were meant to last no matter how desperately you wanted them too. Maybe vampires were just wired differently, although Edward had once told me vampires mated for life. Maybe that was just his attempt to keep false hope in me. I was mostly sure from the beginning that Edward had planned to leave me one day. Whenever he had pushed me away it had only made me want him more and he knew it. Unfair was only one weak word I had to describe how our relationship had been. Never once had he seen me as an equal. I'd like to think there was a small chance he had truly loved me for at least a small amount of time but thinking back on his reactions I was almost positive he had not. Edward had been overly possessive and obsessive. He watched me as I slept. He distanced me from my friends. He decided when we kissed and for how long. I was aware that he craved my blood but even after his hunts, one really good kiss would have pleased me. He forced his family upon me when I had rather not have met them when I had, though that part I was thankful for but still. There were a number of things that made me realize he only pretended to care which I had been too blind to see before.

If Alice and Jasper had been humans, I would have expected them to have many children and grow old together. Considering their powers they always seemed connected and had a strong relationship. Could it had possibly been that their powers were too attached? Alice could see every move he ever made right when he decided it. Jasper could feel whatever she was feeling to know her reaction to every little thing he did. It was unfair to both of them but unfairness seems to be a common theme. Especially considering how Jasper had got pushed to the curve. It was heartbreaking and Alice couldn't be forgiven for it, ever.

***Flashback***

**~*~*~*~*~Sunday~*~*~*~***

"Jazz," I whispered hesitantly. Charlie was fast asleep in his chair downstairs but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Besides, I didn't really want to break the comfortable silence we had. After I ate dinner earlier I came up to see Jasper lying on my bed, Wuthering Heights in his pale hands. He held it gently even though the covers were torn and falling off. I really needed to get a new copy. The site of him reading so calmly a book that had always brought me much joy pleased me. Yesterday had been really tough on him. He wasn't allowed the ability to shed tears so he mostly dry sobbed. The man was filled with so much agony it made me feel like I was drowning when he lost control of his emotions. It was pure torture to feel my pain along with my own. No one should ever have to go through such heartache.

I softly laid down beside him and stared up at the ceiling. My twin size bed was quite small so our arms were touching. I could feel his eyes on me a moment before he returned to my book. I was could see he was really intrigued with the book. It brought a small smile to my face.

Now that smile had vanished as I bit lightly on my lip. Jasper glanced down at me. He must have realized I had to say something important because he carefully closed the book and laid it on the nightstand. "You're nervous," he stated simply. "What is on your mind?"

"Well I was just wondering…Please don't feel obligated to answer if you wish not to. I'm just overly curious," I told him quickly.

A perfect golden brow arched slightly. "I am sure I will have no problem answering any question you have for me. What is it that you would like to know?"

"Uh well I was just wondering…With the Alice thing, how….Uh," I stammered. He didn't seem too angry about my question, just sad.

"Ah..." he sighed. "Such a simple question causes me such pain." I was going to tell him how it was unnecessary for him to tell me but he caught me off. "I will tell you everything though." He paused, gathering his thoughts I suppose.

"We were in our new home when Alice had a strange vision. I assumed it was something good because she felt elated, hopeful, and anxious. When I asked her about it she got testy which never led to anything good. She had yelled at me a lot for being insensitive then she took off for two days. I had called her repeatedly as I had everyone else do. She hadn't told me where she was going nor how long she would be. I suspect Rosalie knew the reason she was gone because she told me Alice had left to find herself. She wouldn't stop giving me those damn pity looks which I should have paid more attention to them. Maybe if I had saw it coming it would have hurt so much less…

"Alice bounced into the house with another man. She was just smiling away like she hadn't done anything wrong, like we weren't married. His name is Gabe Alistair and he is _only_ 96 years old." He said with disgust as if she were robbing the cradle. Though I supposed she was, in a way.

"He is far more than less of half of my age," he continued with a scowl. "He is a few inches shorter than me and a little more muscular. He had recently turned his diet to become a vegetarian for Alice. The transformation was easy for him to which Alice really loved and to add to the package he didn't have any abilities. He wouldn't be able to invade her privacy or get in her way. Right in front of my former family she dumped me saying that I wasn't enough for her, that Gabe was her soul mate and not me. Her words cut through me like a knife. She explained how happy she and Gabe would be and I really couldn't make her happy…She told me she had wanted to break up with me a decade ago but it was too inconvenient and she liked the mating part of our relationship too much to give it up. I wanted to be sick right there. I had lived thinking that my wife had loved me back but I had fooled myself to think I was so lucky."

I sat up and stared down at him. "Jasper," I said his name slowly. "You are better than her. I once thought of her as my best friend but she is nothing what I thought. She never should have hurt you in such a way and I truly say that you can do better. You can find someone who loves you with all of their heart. I'm sure there is some vampire out there that was made for you and that will care for you the way you deserve to be."

"I want to believe that it was for the best but only one of us ended up happy. I just ended up being replaced." His eyes rimmed with tears that would never be released.

No words came to mind that would make him feel any better. I figured my emotions would have more effects than my words anyhow. Taking a deep breath I focused on my adoration and care for Jasper and directed it at him with full force. He gasped lightly as it all hit him. The cold hurt look in his eyes faded the same as the black.

"Thank you," he said lightly. I barely heard him.

I smiled down at him. "That's what friends are for." I dropped down next to him and held his hand. It caused a tingly sensation in my palm that ran all the way up to my fingertips. I looked over to see if Jasper felt it too. By the confusion on his face I could tell he felt it too. I shrugged it off and just let myself relax. There was slight movement then I heard Jasper open my book and began to move.

***end of flashback***

"You're up too early," Jasper murmured. I glanced at the clock to see I had an hour left before I had to get ready for school.

"I know. There is a bunch of stuff on my mind."

"You're nervous about school?"

I nodded. It was something I had been dreading since Jasper had returned. Being around him kept me calm and together. I was worried that the time apart would set me back. I was just starting to get better and I really didn't want to be set back. Plus there was also the problem of all of my classmates. They had been gone from my life ever since _he _had been. I wanted to interact with them again but it wasn't like I could just walk up to them and strike up a conversation. I wasn't involved enough in school, or life, to even know anything interesting to talk about.

"You'll be fine. You don't have to jump right back into your old routine. Just take it one step at a time."

I sighed and nodded. "What will you do while I'm gone?"

"I haven't a clue," he said honestly. "I suppose I shall go hunt. I will be back by the time you get home."

"Alright. That sounds more interesting than school."

He smiled. "You should enjoy your last few days before you graduate."

His words shocked me a little. Graduation? Was it really that near? I vaguely remember walking through the high schools walls surrounded by colorful paper and banners. I never cared enough to read them. "I don't have anything to wear," I said absently. I hated shopping so I really came to dread it even more. I just knew I would do something on that day that would make me regret it ever happening. I bet I would fall on my face on stage or trip someone else and we both fall.

"You'll be fine," Jasper said as light calming wave fell upon me. "We can go anywhere you like to find you something to wear."

I bit my lip and looked away from him.

"That is unless you want to go by yourself then that is fine too," he said quickly.

"No, Jasper, I wouldn't mind going shopping with you. I would prefer it actually but I just think that may be a problem since you are supposed to be away at college."

"You can tell everyone that I am taking a break from college and I have moved back here."

It still amazed me how vampires could lie so damn well. I mean even a lie as simple as that I never would have thought of. If he had planned on sticking around then people would eventually find out about him. Charlie definitely would freak out when he knew about Jasper. He hated _him_ for what he did to me so I highly doubt he has a higher opinion of any of the Cullens.

I decided to change the conversation. "How are you feeling today?"

He grimaced lightly. "I am better than I was when I was just roaming the forest. You are a great help and I thank you very much. I just wish I could ease your pain as well."

"You do. I was a mess before you came. You have no idea how much better I am from the beginning. I'm used to being depressed and lonely so it's a comforting change to feel almost content. I wouldn't have been able to survive without you."

He smiled which I easily returned. "I'm glad I could be of service."

I ran a hand through my hair. "I'm going to go get ready for school."

He nodded and picked up my Romeo and Juliet book. He had finished Wuthering Heights last night. We had a deep conversation about it before I fell asleep. Apparently it was the first time he read it, which surprised me considering how old he was. I was even more surprised that he would read anything other than war books. I was pleased to find out that my new found friend was into classic literature the same as I was. A small pile of books sat on the night stand for him to continue reading. I was glad to have someone I could talk to about them. Of course, no matter what, it always led back to Edward or Alice.

Suppressing a sigh I gathered my things and went to shower. As the warm water warmed me from being next to Jasper all night I thought about everything that happened yesterday. I honestly hadn't expected to find Jasper there when I woke up. I thought for sure that I was dreaming which I thought was logical considering I wasn't worth anyone's care. It confused me to why he hadn't jumped out of the window when I was sleeping. He saw and felt how emotionally damaged I was, yet he stayed next to me the whole night. Maybe it was because he needed someone to know what he was going through as I did. It didn't really matter as long as he was with me but I did wonder when he would leave again. I had no idea what I would do when that day came. All my future plans had been based around me becoming a vampire. Now…

I dried off and stood in front of the mirror. Moving my hand in a circular motion I cleared the mirror of the steam that clung to it. The face staring back at me was not my own. This girl had the same brown eyes, brown hair, and pale face but she was not me. She looked cold and soulless. Her high cheekbones were more noticeable now that they were slimmer. Her eyes had dark bags under them from lack of sleep. She looked like a vampire, but unfortunately this girl wasn't wanted enough, or at all. She wasn't perfection when that was all he wanted, all he deserved.

Looking away from the girl I didn't know I continued to get ready. I got dressed in a black thermal and dark blue jeans. My hair was difficult to comb since I hadn't been taking care of it for so long. The knots hurt so badly but I kept yanking the comb through. I figured it was good enough after working with it for a few minutes. I didn't really care what I looked like anymore. I knew I wasn't pretty and that wouldn't change no matter what I wore or how I styled my hair. That was just the way it was.

Jasper wasn't in my room when I returned for my shoes. The scent of something burning had me running down the stairs with my shoelaces untied. Of course half way down I stepped on one and went tumbling. My knee hit the ground before my fall suddenly halted. I bit my lip to keep back the tears. Not tears from my soon to be bruised knee but from the memories of _him _catching me so many times.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said as steadied me. "I know this is hard for you but I didn't want you to get hurt."

I forced a smile. "It's alright." I had been saying that a lot. Nothing was alright no matter how many times I said it things were still exactly the same. Jasper's presence has helped me a great lot but you can only toy around with something that's totaled before establishing it was unfixable. It was only a matter of time before he abandoned me so I didn't want to get too attached. If I kept all of my thoughts in my head he couldn't possibly know how to hurt me the most. I wanted to have trust in him but I was tired of people hurting me.

The fire alarm distracted me from my thoughts. I ran to kitchen, stumbling a few times thanks to my untied shoes. There was black smoke billowing from the toaster. I ran to pull the plug before Jasper went to turn off the alarm. I didn't think it was possible but he was worse of a cook than Charlie was. With a fork I pulled the charcoal black bread out of the toaster.

"I'm sorry," he said sadly behind me. "I was only trying to make you breakfast. I'll buy you a new one if you wish me to."

"It's fine Jasper. Don't worry about it and you didn't break the toaster. You just can't put bread in there for so long otherwise you get this." I explained as I threw it out.

"Are you mad?"

"Of course not."

Jasper was talking quietly, almost whispering. I could tell he felt horrible for what he had just done. Whenever he thought I was mad at him he shrunk down into himself. It always made me think of a small child who was about to be scolded. Several times had he done this last night and every time it made me want to hold him in my arms and make both of our pains go away.

"I appreciate the effort and the fact that you tried. Charlie burns stuff all of the time so I can handle this. I'm not going to push you away no matter what. Stop freaking out so much." I told him. I quickly tied my shoes then headed toward the door. "I'm going now. I'll see you later ok?"

He seemed so lost. I could tell he didn't want me to leave which made it even harder to go. We were both still bleeding and we needed to be together for our wounds to heal. School was just an inconvenience considering I worked on auto pilot most of the time. That wasn't exactly helpful to anything. There were only a few weeks until graduation though so I guess I could force myself to complete those days. Then I'd be done…

"Okay," he sighed.

"You won't even notice I'm gone. Go hunt and the time will past really fast."

"Have fun at school."

"Sure," I said dryly and went out to my truck. I drove slower than usual on the way there. Unfortunately the kitchen incident had put me behind so I was five minutes late. I was half tempted to just turn around and curl up in my bed. Three more weeks, I told myself, three more weeks.

"Bella you're late," the teacher said as I walked into the classroom.

"Yeah I noticed," I said as a light blush came to my cheeks. Everyone was staring at me like they never had anyone be late to class before.

"Why?"

"My truck didn't want to start up," I lied. It was something simple enough that I couldn't possibly screw it up. My truck was old and sometimes it actually didn't want to start.

"I'll let it go this one time. Just don't let it happen again."

"Yeah," I said as I went to my seat. The teacher continued on with her lesson plan. I hid behind my hair to avoid the looks everyone kept giving me. It really irritated me that people were so nosy. That was one of my top issues with Forks. It's such a small town people have nothing better to do other than gossip. Even if I didn't know what my future plans were I knew I wouldn't stay in Forks. The people were too probing for information to spread around. Everyone was fake and two faced. The weather was always dark and depressing. There weren't any good book stores. The grocery store was small and expensive. And there were far too many memories of _him_ wherever I looked. Forks wasn't where I could see myself growing old in. After graduation I would pack up and leave. To where, I don't know. Anywhere is better than here.

Every day since they left I had sat at their table pretending that they were right next to me. Today I wasn't all that enthused about sitting by myself. Whenever I was alone I just broke a little more inside. I needed someone else's help for when Jasper wasn't around. Cautiously I walked over to where Angela and Jessica were already seated.

"Hello." My voice wasn't as strong as I wanted it to be. My greeting sounded more than a question than a simple statement.

Angela smiled up at me. "Hi Bella. Here sit." She motioned to the empty chair to her left.

Jessica didn't seem too pleased that I was there. She never really liked me which wouldn't really bother me because you can't be best friends with everyone you meet. Her reasons for not liking me though were ridiculous and completely out of my control. She hated the fact that the Cullens would pay attention to someone as simple as me but not give her a second look. She never got over the fact that Mike liked me more which wasn't a load of crap because I always pushed him away. It wasn't my fault he acted like a loss puppy. She also hated that I got a lot of attention that she desperately needed for some reason. I would gladly be a wall flower if that were at all possible. She wasn't exactly my favorite person either so I couldn't care less if she liked me or not.

"Oh Bella are you finally done mopping over Edward? I am so glad you have finally accepted that he doesn't want you. It is way passed time you moved on and got over yourself."

That was a low blow.

Before I could defend myself Angela stepped in. "Jessica you have no right to give Bella a hard time. If you do recall you were nonstop crying for a month when Mike said he only wanted to be friends. I get that you are only jealous because Bella was loved and you aren't someone Mike can care about that way but you shouldn't take it out on other people, especially Bella after all that she's been through."

Wow.

It felt great to know she cared enough about me to stand up to her. I had never heard Angela rant like that, especially to Jessica. She was such a great friend and I hated that I had abandoned our relationship. I would have to make it up to her soon. I wanted to reconnect before we went our separate ways. If we had a tight friendship now then we would be able to be long distance friends.

"Thank you," I told her as Jessica blushed. She ducked her head and continued eating her salad.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just happy you are back. How are you feeling?"

"Uh well…I am better than I was before."

She smiled. "That's great to hear. If you don't mind me asking what changed?"

"Jasper," I said simply. Jasper said to let people know he was back in town and what other way to let people know then to let the queen gossip know. Jessica looked up quickly when she heard his name. At the same time our table began to fill up with all my former friends; Mike, Eric, Tyler, and a guy I never really talked to. He kissed Angela's cheek and sat on her right. I believe his name was Ben. I wandered what happened with Eric…

"Bella," Mike said excitedly as he sat down beside me. I internally groaned. The last thing I wanted was his annoying flirting.

"Hey," I said with a forced smile.

"The Cullens are back," Jessica asked before the conversation could change. She was greedily waiting for information to tell everyone. Anything to make her the center of attention.

"No, just Jasper. He came back yesterday. He decided to take some time off of college so he moved back into the old house."

"Why did he come back here? There family is like rich so he could have went anywhere. What's so important about Forks?"

Dammit Jessica. I should have known that little bit of insight wouldn't be enough for her.

"Uh…I don't know," I said honestly. "He and Alice broke up so he just wanted to get away for awhile."

"Oh so you two are hooking up."

Yeah, because that was exactly what I said.

"Jasper and I are just friends."

"So Bella," Angela said cutting off whatever Jessica was about to say, much to my appreciation. "Are you excited about graduation?"

"I hadn't really realized it was coming up so soon. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do now."

"I'm sure you will figure it out. Ben and I are going to U of W. I can't wait. I am so excited. High school has been great but I want to be more independent, you know. I think that it will be great."

"I'm glad you are happy about it. I haven't really decided on college though I'll probably travel for a bit before I go, if I do."

"That sounds like fun!"

"So Bella, now that everything's normal again you want to go see a movie or something this weekend?" Mike asked which rewarded me a death glare from Jessica. I groaned on the inside. He was only seated beside me for five minutes and he was already asking me out. I wasn't even sure how to politely tell him to screw off. I decided to try out lying again. As long as I stuck close to the truth I couldn't screw it up, hopefully.

"Sorry Mike. Jasper is taking me shopping this weekend."

"Oh. Well what about after school Friday?"

"That's when we're leaving. We are going to get my graduation outfit then and then we are going to California to bring back some more of his belongings."

I fought off the urge to pat myself on the back. I couldn't help but to be very proud of myself for coming up with a lie so quickly. For a second I felt bad about the sad look on Mike's face, but then I got over it. It wasn't that he was a bad guy he just wasn't the guy I could picture myself with. He just wasn't _him_, no matter how bad he wanted to be.

The rest of the day went along uncomfortably. Jessica spread the news that Jasper was back, as well as he dumped Alice for me or because she was pregnant. I also heard it could have been because she wouldn't put out for him so he came to because I was easy. It never seized to amaze me how creative people could be. Now instead of pitiful looks, I either got glares or flirty smiles. It was an improvement, I think.

I was so thankful when the end of school bell rang I almost ran to my truck. Jessica must have been stalking me or something because Mike was headed my way but she quickly intercepted and started talking to him. I was more than alright with that. He never seemed able to accept the fact that I didn't want to date him. At the rate he was going I didn't even want to be friends with him.

I pushed my old truck faster than normal, getting it up to 60. It groaned in protest but I ignored it. Jasper would probably still be out hinting but I wanted to get there in a hurry anyway. I told myself it was to cook something special for Charlie to make up for the missed meals in the past but it wasn't like I could really lie to myself. My true motive was just to see Jasper sooner. He kept me whole, without him I felt empty. It was an unpleasant reminder to how I was before he came back to me. It freaked me out to think what would happen to me if he were to leave again. Would I be strong enough to handle someone else leaving me, to be alone again?

A small part of me feared he _would_ decide he didn't want to be here anymore because my emotions were too much to handle. I hated that part of me. The part that was so scared it believe that anyone that got close to be would leave me in the end. Everything on that part shouted at me to just accept that I wasn't worth it and soon he would see it, the same as anyone else that came into contact with me.

I bit down hard on my lip to snap myself out of my depression downfall. It would be alright if I just took it one day at a time. Jasper was my friend now. He wasn't going anywhere…And if he did we would at least keep in touch…I hope. I groaned when I tasted blood and released my lip. Even unintentionally I was cutting myself! Maybe….No! I didn't need any help, besides Jasper and my little blue pill. And that was pathetic in its own.

I pulled into the driveway next to the cruiser. I quickly checked the time on my dash to make sure I hadn't been driving around when I was zoned out. It was a few minutes before I usually got home. I suddenly remember Charlie said something about only working half of his shift. Something about needing to rest because he had worked over time a lot last week. I hated to admit it but I had never noticed when he hadn't come home. I was too involved with myself to pay attention. Every day, after I resorted to my bedroom until I had to go to school the next morning. I sighed. I was a horrible daughter.

I jumped out of my Chevy and headed to the door. Before I could place the key in the hole I was being yanked back, the key falling to the ground. There were well built arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I gasped but before I could scream the person covered my mouth with a hand. I struggled against the person until I felt a calming wave hit me. I became aware that the person was freezing cold. I relaxed into Jasper's chest.

"What are you doing," I muttered beneath his hand. I wasn't sure if he had understood that or not but we were suddenly moving. I squeaked a little when I was dropped on my ass on the hood of my truck. I was now face to face with Jasper. His eyes were as black as coal. I had seen them this way before of course but this time it wasn't because he was angry; he was hungry. A small shiver of fear shot down my spine but I shook it off. Jasper would never hurt me…

"Jasper I thought you said you would hunt while I was gone," I said softly.

He pounded his fist down on the hood by my hips causing me to jump. He lowered his head, breaking eye contact, and whispered, "That's the problem."

I didn't understand what he meant. Did he do something while he was out hunting? Oh no. Did he kill another person? No. I didn't want to believe that. Jasper was stronger than that and besides, his eyes were black. Unless he had killed her but realized what he had done and stopped….No, I mentally shook my head. I was letting my imagination get the best of me.

"Jazz what's wrong?" I hesitantly lifted his chin up. "What happened?"

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left. I should have known she would come back eventually. Vampires don't deal with death lightly, especially when it's their mate. I should have seen this coming. I'm so sorry."

My breath caught in my throat. He couldn't possibly have been talking about _her, _Victoria. That had happened so long ago. If she were going to attack she would have done it by now. Though he was her mate and the Cullens had killed him…But Jasper was the only one here. That was probably here plan. Get one of them alone and then. My mind was assaulted by images of Jasper being ripped to shreds causing another shiver down my spine.

"Jasper?" I placed my hands softly on his, tracing my fingers gently over it to try to get him to relax. Some of his emotions accidentally drifted to me; fear, anxiety, regret, anger, disgust, angst, and the list just went on. I gasped finding it hard to breathe on the sudden emotional attack. Jasper ripped his hands from underneath me and took a step back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he apologized again, the stress leaking from his voice.

"You're really scaring me now." I whispered. "Please tell me what is going on?"

He took a deep breath and slowly said, "Victoria was here while I was hunting. She's long gone now. I tried to track her scent but I don't know. I guess I'm not good at it because I could not find her anywhere. I haven't been inside. I just barely got here in time to stop you. I can smell Charlie in there but…"

"But?"

"But there isn't a heartbeat."

**AN: So based off of the reviews I see that you guys like my one shot so I decided to make it a chapter story. I really appreciate he reviews. I wasn't really sure about this one so they really help me out. Thanks! X_X**


	3. World So Cold

**Re Chapter two…**

"You're really scaring me now." I whispered. "Please tell me what is going on?"

He took a deep breath and slowly said, "Victoria was here while I was hunting. She's long gone now. I tried to track her scent but I don't know. I guess I'm not good at it because I could not find her anywhere. I haven't been inside. I just barely got here in time to stop you. I can smell Charlie in there but…"

"But?"

"But there isn't a heartbeat."

**Chapter 3 **

I didn't move or say anything, I couldn't. His words weren't making since in my head. Charlie couldn't have been in there if there wasn't a heartbeat. I mean he does live there so maybe Jasper was just inhaling the sent that he leaves around the house. I was sure Charlie just went for a walk or something. Jasper was just freaking out about Victoria being after him that his judgment was clouded.

"Bella I can feel that you don't believe me but it's true. I'm so sorry but Charlie is dead."

"No," I snapped, my voice was dangerously close to screaming. "Don't say that! He isn't…" I couldn't bring myself to say the word. I jumped off the truck and rushed past him toward the door. Like before he stopped me before I could open it.

"Please wait Bella. At least prepare yourself for what you might see. Vampires are messy hunters."

"Let me go!"

Shocked by the intensity of my words he instantly released me and I rushed right in. I immediately regretted not listening to Jasper. What I was seeing would be forever etched in my brain no matter how hard I wanted to erase it. I wanted to look away from the scene in front of me but I couldn't. Something in me wouldn't allow me to turn around and walk out the door. Against my will I found myself slowly steeping closer.

The living room had been destroyed; Holes in the walls, claw marks in the furniture, a broken coffee table, a TV with a broken screen. In the center of the room staring up at the ceiling was Charlie. His eyes were glossed over and well lifeless. His face was paler than mine. I wanted to touch him to see if he felt as cold as he looked. My eyes trailed lower down his body to his chest. She must have enjoyed torturing him because he had claw marks all over him. There was blood stains on his clothing and floor but not like the way it was in movies. She must have drunk all his blood before she tore up his body.

Vampire or not, she was once a human with a family. This was a personal strike at me. She had to know how much Charlie meant to me so she heartlessly slaughtered him. It was my fault her mate was dead after all. What did it matter if someone else had killed him as long as the person who caused it suffered? I swear to God Victoria would pray for death when I got a hold of her.

A broken sob escaped my lips as I collapsed softly next to my father's corpse. I wanted for him to jump and laugh saying this was all a joke but I knew that would never happen. Charlie was dead and I killed him. If I had stayed far away from Edward the way he had told me to, I wouldn't have been in the baseball field with them when the nomads came and James wouldn't have wanted me. Edward and his family wouldn't have had to hunt him down. Edward wouldn't have had to kill her mate. Victoria wouldn't be desperate for revenge. She wouldn't have taken away Charlie's life. So as I said before, I murdered my father.

There was a literal puddle forming in my hands from the tears dropping into them. Loud sobs were coming from me but I didn't care to quiet them. My whole frame was shaking uncontrollably and I was finding it hard to breath. I was gasping for air but mu lungs didn't want to cooperate. It was as though my own body was punishing me and starving me of life, the way Victoria had done to Dad.

Jasper came up behind me and gently placed his hands on my shoulder. I could feel that he was shaking. "Bella, we have to take care of this," he whispered.

"Take care of this! Are you fucking joking! There is nothing to take care of because he is already fucking dead!" I exploded through my tears. I smacked his hands off me when I felt a calming wave hit me. I didn't deserve to feel better after what I have done. I needed to feel every ounce of this. I let out a frustrated screech when he kept using his ability on me. I glared up at him and forced my emotions upon him. It was too much for him to take and he dropped to his knees. I stopped the storm directed at him and dropped my head. This was all too much to take. I couldn't do this anymore. I wrapped my arms tightly around my center and dug my nails into my arms. I rocked slightly back and forth, trying to keep myself from losing it again.

"Charlie didn't deserve this," I cried between gasps for air. "I killed my dad. I killed him. I killed him."

Jasper wrapped his arms tightly around me and pulled me against his chest. The pressure was a bit painful but I needed it. I would ask him to hold me tighter if my bones wouldn't snap. He rested his chin on my shoulder and leaned his head against mine. The fact that he wasn't breathing didn't hit me until I realized his chest wasn't moving. I felt even worse for forcing him to be in the room with the little blood that Charlie had shed. It must have burned his throat terribly. I was just an awful person. I never thought about how what I did would affect anyone else. That was why my father was dead.

"None of this is your doing. I know it's your nature to take the blame for everything but I have no idea how you could have made this your fault. We killed Victoria. You should hate me, not yourself. It's our fault that she could even get to him. If we hadn't so stupidly been focused on Edward's bullshit we would have hunted her right after we got you to the hospital. This is our fault Isabella and I am truly sorry for the pain we have caused you."

"No you're wrong! I should have let James kill me then I wouldn't have made Charlie miserable and caused his death. I'm a horrible daughter."

"Shh," he whispered. In vampire speed we were out of the living room and on the stare case. He still had me tightly bound in his arms from my spot on his lap. I couldn't see Charlie from where I was seated. It didn't matter because I could still see him in my mind. I dropped my head onto Jasper's shoulder, quickly soaking his shirt.

"Bella Charlie loved you. He was sad that Edward had broken you but he wasn't miserable. He was glad that you would rather be with him then go back with your mom."

"Shut up Jasper You couldn't possibly know that! Just shut up," I said smacking his chest. It sent a sharp pain through my hand to which I was thankful for. The pain was the only thing I had left and I held on to it with a death grip as I continued to hit Jasper until he restrained me. Now my arms felt like they were covered in bruises, and soon they probably would be.

Jasper didn't say anything. He just held me like the great friend that I didn't deserve. My tears didn't run dry until an hour or two later but even then the occasional tear fell every once in awhile. There were sirens in the distance. About ten minutes ago Jasper had left me to go make the call about Charlie. The thought honestly never occurred to me.

Jasper made up this master plan to assure the cops believed his lie. He went into the forest with Charlie's gun. He was only gone for a few minutes but I think he had hunted again because his eyes weren't as dark. When he came in he was carrying a dead wolf and mud. It made me cry again to see such a beautiful animal dead, because of me. He pressed the wolves paw prints all over the floor and put mud on Charlie. I had to look away when he put some of the wolf's saliva on his wounds. My stomach churned when he tore some fur from the wolf to make it seem as though Charlie had fought back. He destroyed the kitchen after laying the wolf on the floor. Apparently we came into the house and the wolf was looking for more to eat in the kitchen. Jasper the quick thinker he is grabbed Charlie's gun from the coat rack and shot him. We figured the wolf had gotten in from the back door that was left open which Charlie often did when the house got stuffy.

I was glad I had Jasper with me to think of this stuff. I would be so lost without him.

I jumped when there was a heavy knock on the door. Jasper left my side and opened it for the police officers. They looked just as devastated as I was. They had been friends with him before I was even born. One of them even had to leave the room because his emotions got the best of him. In normal cases the officers would separate us to question us but since I was the chief's daughter they didn't bother. Jasper did most of the talking while I just leaned into him. He looked like he was taking it hard because he kept his head hung and kept hugging me really tight. In reality the emotions were just too much for him and his eyes were a dark red which weren't exactly a normal color for humans.

Parts of our lie came into question but once again I let Jasper handle it. I think he might have used his abilities to get him to agree easily. When they asked about the lack blood Jasper simply said he had no idea how that happened. I would have believed him if I hadn't known the truth. He didn't even have to think about anything before he said it. The words just came out easily as though they were the truth. Maybe lying was just a part of being a vampire.

One of the officers asked briefly to why Jasper was back in town or with me. His lie resembled the one I had given at school. He took a break at college and was back in his old house. We were really close friends and he came over to see me after school to hang out. The crying started up when I saw the paramedics pushing Charlie's body being pushed on the stretcher in that black bag. After they were sure I would be okay the police all left.

"Now what?" I whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"What the hell do I do now? Start to plan his f-funeral? Take care of the paperwork or the bills? Get rid of his stuff?"

"Nothing. You don't do anything until you're ready. I'll take care of whatever you want me to but don't worry about that now."

"Can we go to your house?" I begged. "I can't stay here."

"Of course, you can stay as long as you like."

I hugged him and stumbled upstairs to pack a bag. I aimlessly grabbed from my closet and buried as much as I could into my duffle. Maybe if Jasper could deal with me long enough he would let me stay with him until graduation. Then I'd be out of Forks, and away from the horrendous memories that followed me around. There was only so much I could take and this shit was just unfair, for Charlie, for his friends, for Jasper.

I walked out of my bed with my bag draped around my arm. Charlie's room was right next to mine. I tried to just walk past it but there was too strong of a pull toward it. I placed my bag next to the door, and quietly pushed it open. My eyes burned with tears that just couldn't seem to stop falling. I cautiously walked to his bad and dropped down on it. I greedily inhaled his scent, since I would never be able to again. I wish I would have come up to see him more when I lived with Renee. I wish I would have called him more often. I wish we would have done stuff together, like fished or watch football. I wish we could have been like those stupid people on TV that had a really strong father-daughter relationship. There were so many things I wished for but would never get. Charlie Swan was dead.

The pain in my chest was too much. Without thinking I slipped my cell phone out of my pocket. I had started doing this when school became too much for me. I popped the back cover and the battery out. My razor blade felt right between my fingers. This small piece of metal was my best friend. It always made me feel better and it only caused me pain when I needed it. I could always rely on it and it was always there for me. It knew my pain better than anyone could ever imagine and I loved it.

I shoved my sleeve up my arm and breathed in as I slit my forearm. As soon as the blood began to flow Jasper was racing into the room. His eyes were the blackest I had ever seen before. Flashes of my birthday party came into my mind before he launched himself at me. In two seconds he had me pinned to Charlie's bed. He was straddling my hips. One of his hands held my wrist above my hand while the other had the bloody one up to his mouth. It looked like he was struggling with himself to stop but his animalistic side won the battle. He jerked my arm to his lips and began to suck the blood from me.

I expected excruciating pain like I had with James but there was nothing but peacefulness. It was like my mind knew I was about to die and sent out pleasure waves throughout my body. It felt like I was flying, like there wasn't any gravity holding me down. I could feel my life slipping away but I couldn't seem to care. Jasper was finally giving me what I had begged for not three days ago. It was a shame that I wouldn't be able to thank him for the tranquil state he eased me into. I tried to say the words but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. A gentle sigh escaped my lips when I started to black out.

Suddenly the serene state had been broken and Jasper threw himself across the room. He was breathing hard and looked terrified. "Oh god I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry," he said repeatedly.

"It's okay," I whispered as I offered him my arm to finish what he had started. He hadn't taken enough blood to kill me, just weaken me. How I was right now was wonderful, I felt high, but when it wore off I would have to deal with the real world and I didn't want that. I didn't want to feel anymore, ever.

I almost screamed when Jasper disappeared. He left me like everyone else. Nobody wanted me because I was damaged and that would never change. I began to weep into my father's pillow, wishing someone was there to hold me together. I ruined every in my life because of vampires. They were all poison. Though right now I was wishing for one to come back and rip my throat out. Why wasn't Victoria coming? I was alone, miserable, and awaiting death. I would gladly thank her as she tortured me and ended my existence.

The darkness that had begun to take me over earlier came back and devoured me.

Life is only as important as you make it. You only exist when you are living but when you are lifeless there is no point. You are death with a heartbeat and nothing matters. Death has just as much as importance as life, maybe even more. Everyday someone is being brought into the world the same as someone is taking out. Both are huge moments but one brings out more emotion than the other. Death forces you to bring your life into question, to wonder what the point is. Without death, you wouldn't have life. The two go hand in hand, ruining many lives and brightening up others. To live is to die and my life was over but no one would let me go.

I let out a sad sigh. I was right back where I started. I knew it was only a matter of time when something set me back and I broke down. Charlie's death certainly did some damage. I waited for the tears to start up again but nothing came. I had wondered when I would lose the ability to cry for hours. I was probably too dehydrated to even form tears. I breathed in the pillow my head was resting on but the only scent on it was mine.

That was when I decided to open my eyes. Instantly I knew I was in the Cullen mansion, even if it was a room I had never been in before. I was lying on the softest bed ever. It was a canopy with sheer white sheets that flowed around me. The sheets I was tucked under were ice blue giving it a heaven like feel. Through the sheets I could see the pale walls had beautiful art spread across them. I wish I were in a better mood to fully appreciate them. There was a really big flat screen TV on the wall and underneath was a wide fully stocked entertainment stand. Across the room there was a double door closet which was probably massive. There was a door to my right which I could only assume was a bathroom. Beside me was a nightstand with a glass of water and my blue pill on top of a folded piece of paper.

I quickly took my pill, hoping it would numb me before snatching the paper up.

_Bella,_

_I am truly sorry for what I did to you. I should have known I wasn't strong enough to be around you. I would leave but Victoria is keeping me here. I can't go until she is dead to assure your safety. I will be in the house but I won't bother you. There is food in the kitchen and you have complete access to anything you want. If you need me call me and I will be by your side but I fully understand if you never want to see me again. I deeply apologize for everything._

_Jasper_

I balled the letter up and through it at the wall. Well, tried to. It fell to the ground half way there. I couldn't believe he thought I was angry with him. I mean I was now but that was only because he thought I was. I know that didn't make since but none of what I do ever did.

Standing up was a little difficult but I fought against the dizziness. I went into the bathroom deciding to shower before I called for Jasper. I was humiliated and ashamed by the way I had been acting. I really wish I could turn back time, all the way until I never meant Edward. When I was done with my shower I changed into a pair of black sweats. Unfortunately there were only a few long sleeved shirts in there and I wanted to save those for school, if I even went back. I pulled on a grey camisole and stumbled downstairs.

Jasper was nowhere to be seen so I went into the kitchen. I figured I would be less lightheaded if I ate something. A banana, two pieces of toast, and a glass of orange juice later I was sitting on the couch calling Jasper's name. He instantly appeared on the steps but didn't make a move to come closer. This time I was prepared to see his brilliant red eyes so I didn't freak out like the first time.

"Come here," I told him.

He shook his head. "I'm not sure that would be wise."

"I know you won't hurt me."

He looked at me as though I was stupid. "Have you forgotten that I almost killed you yesterday?"

Yesterday? I looked at the clock that showed 6 am. I hadn't realized I had been asleep so long. I probably had nightmares the whole night because I was still exhausted.

"No I didn't forget. That was my own fault for cutting when you were there. Besides I'm not bleeding now and even if I were you would be able to stop just like you did then."

He didn't seem too sure about what I was saying but he got closer. I gave him a pleading look and he sat on the other couch. That was too far away for me so I got up and sat next to him, out legs touching. "Bella," he warned.

"Can you please just shut up and hug me before I fall apart again," I whispered. He grimaced but complied. I felt so much better in his hold, like at least one person cared. "I have to call Renee."

Jasper pulled my cell phone out of his pocket. I was one hundred percent sure if I popped my battery out my razor would be missing. My eyes became blurry for the millionth time. "I'm really sorry."

He wiped away the tears and kissed my forehead. "You scared the hell out of me," he admitted. "These past few days made me realize how much you mean to me. I think you are my best friend."

I smiled a little. "You are mine too. The best in my whole life, which is kind of sad since you have only been here a few days," I let out a soft laugh. He was way healthier than a razor blade. I started to remember he had been through a bad break up recently. My smile faded. "I'm sorry you had to come back here. We can go…I don't know to a hotel or something."

He scowled. "I'm not going to make you stay in a crappy hotel. The last one we stayed in I had to have the sheets replaced twice because there were _stains _on them."

I almost gagged. That is so disgusting.

"I can handle being here," he continued. "It's-It's not that bad."

I knew he was lying but I really appreciated it. "When I graduate I was planning on getting out of Forks. You don't have to but I would really like for you to come with me."

"Well," he started. I immediately regretted offering by the uncomfortable look that came on his face. "You wouldn't be able to live anywhere sunny. You would have to worry about me slipping all of the time. You would have to move if I was exposed. Your life wouldn't be normal if we moved in together."

I dropped my head and tried to breathe normally. I should have known he wouldn't want to tie himself to me anymore than what he already had. I wrapped my arms tightly around my torso, wishing for it to stop.

"Hey I didn't mean to hurt you. I want to live with you. I just don't want to make your life any harder." When I didn't respond he lifted my head up but I refused to meet his eyes. "Isabella," he murmured and slowly trailed his fingers up and down my arm. It felt weird but in a good way. I wasn't sure what it meant so I just shrugged it off. "If I were to leave to go with you I could ruin your life. It would hurt me deeply to be alone again but I would deal with it for you."

"You wouldn't have to be alone. You could go back to live with your family."

"They aren't my family and I don't ever plan on going back to them."

"Then please come with me. I don't want to be alone."

"You never will be again, I promise. I'll stay with you until you order me away."

"I'd never do that."

"You're human Bella. It's only a matter of time until you have a family of your own and you age."

"That won't ever happen. People always leave and…" I almost told him he could stop my aging before I caught myself. I had no idea why that came to mind. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be a vampire anymore now that they ruined my life. Of course if I was one I could destroy Victoria myself…

"Bella?"

"Sorry Jazz. Spaced out a little," I sighed and snuggled closer to him. "I think I should call Renee now," I told him as I powered my phone up.

"What are you going to say?"

"I have no idea."

I jumped when my cell phone started continuously vibrating. I glanced down at it to see messages were piling up. I should have known that it wouldn't take long for the news about Charlie to get around. When they finally stopped I had 23 missed messages and 18 text messages. I quickly skimmed through the people who had called me. Jessica had called me the most at 8 times then Lauren second at 6. It wasn't a big surprise for them to call me considering they were desperately needy for gossip. They would want to know every single detail of what happened then pretend to be my best friend so everyone that would pity me would see how awesome they were and want to be friends with them. I hated how fake they were.

Mike called four times and Eric called three times. I was sure they just wanted to _comfort _me. Angela called me twice and left a voicemail. Since she was my true friend I listened to what it said.

"Hey Bella. My dad told me what happened and I am so sorry. I'm sure you want some time to grieve so I'll leave you alone. I will gather all off the homework you miss while you're gone. Just call me if you need anything. I'm here for you."

If this were a normal situation I probably would take her up on her offer. Angela wouldn't spread my story around. She would actually care and list to what I had to say. I couldn't talk to her though because I would probably screw up the story and I kind of wanted to keep my distance. Now that Victoria was back I had to worry about her motives. If she saw that me and Angela were friends she could go after her like she did Charlie. I refused to be the reason for someone else's death.

I jumped again when my cell phone vibrated. This time it was Tyler calling. I just let it go until he hung up. None of me was curious enough to look through the text messages. With a sigh I dialed Renee's number. I had to call her twice before she answered.

"Bella," she questioned when she answered. I couldn't blame her for being so surprised since our relationship had faded when _he_ left. I was thankful for it now that I was bound to be killed by Victoria, or my own insanity, anyway. This way when I was gone she wouldn't hurt as much.

"Hey mom."

"Sorry it took so long to answer. I lost my phone in the couch. How have you been? It's been far too long since we last spoke. How is school? Are those pills working out for you? How's Charlie? Do you need anything, money?"

Her constant rambling was putting me on edge. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. "He's dead!"

I gasped and looked up at Jasper with panic in my eyes. For once I was thankful for him to use his ability on me.

There was a moment of silence and I thought she had hung up on me. Then she said, "Honey who died?"

"Charlie," I whispered. Even though Renee had left Charlie she still loved him. I knew it had hurt her deeply to her the news. As soon as I said his name I could hear her sobs begin which started me up as well. We stayed on the phone for an hour crying over Charlie. I told her the same lie Jasper told the cops. It pained me to lie to her but if I told her a vampire did it she would be in danger and I wouldn't risk it.

She was leaving with Phil on the next flight to Washington which was tomorrow at 6 pm. They would land in Seattle on Thursday where they would have a rental car waiting. Jasper and I would be there though to show them back here. This place could be hard to find and Renee would easily be lost.

I decided that the wake would be on Friday, if I could figure out how to plan it. I had only been to my grandmother's before and I only had to be there. I had no idea how they organized it. Then I guess I could have the post wake dinner here, if Jasper wouldn't mind. The funeral had me at a complete loss but I had Jazz and Renee to help me so I suppose I would manage.

When we hung up Jasper comforted me for the millionth time since he had been with me. "I'm sorry I'm always crying," I said between gasps and hiccups.

"No, don't apologize. Everything is going downhill but it will improve, I promise. I'll help you with anything you need."

"Thank you."

"We're friends. There is no need to thank me."

My cell vibrated again. This time from a number I didn't know. I figured it could have been Renee calling me back. She lost things easily so she probably had to use someone else's phone. It wouldn't be the first time.

I cleared my voice and pushed the little green button. "Hello?"

There was a sickenly sweet giggle on the other line that made the hairs on my arm stand up. "Well hello there Bella. Long time no see. How have you been?"

My eyes locked with Jasper, mine's filled with terror while his were filled with rage. He took my phone and put it on speaker. "Stay the hell away from Bella or I will hunt you down and…"

Victoria cut him off. "And what _Jazzy? "_ I hated the way she sneered his name. "You can't even hunt me so how are you going to kill me."

"Why did you take Charlie? He didn't do anything! He didn't even know about vampires!" I screamed at her.

"Well Bella he didn't do anything but your mate did. He killed my mate so I was going to kill yours but he didn't want you anymore. Though I doubt he ever did, the stupid human you are. Anyhow _Jazzy_ was protecting you so I couldn't come after you. I waited at your house but I was very thirsty. Charlie was a loud one. I was honestly surprised your neighbors hadn't called the police." She let out a laugh that made me want to take a metal baseball bat to her face.

"I'm sorry that the Cullens took James away from you. I know how much that hurts and I would do anything to change everything. Killing me wouldn't fix anything, James would still be dead."

She was silent for a split second and I knew my words affected her. "No, but it'll make me feel a hell of a lot better. And Bella you don't have a clue how I feel. You were dumped because you were a stupid human and I was robbed of the man I loved who died loving me. Sorry but we don't have anything to bond over." She giggled again. I swear if she did that again I'd scream until my throat bled.

"You're right Victoria; Bella is just a weak human. She is not worth your death in hunting her."

His words cut through me like a blade. I started to pull away from him but he tightened his hold and shook his head, indicating that he didn't mean what he said. _I'm sorry,_ he mouthed.

"You won't be able to kill me. You will die with her if you keep defending her. _She is mine."_ The light laughter in her voice was replaced with fury. I was too afraid to think straight. There had been many times when I was minutes away from death but I had never been so terrified in my life before.

Jasper growled into the phone. I could feel the vibrations race through my body. I never heard him this…livid before. His normally golden eyes, now black were glaring at the phone as though he could see Victoria. He was so angry even the whites of his eyes were darkening. He was holding onto me a bit too tight but I was too numb to say anything.

"No Isabella Swan is mine. I claim her and you will never get to her. I will track you down and rip you to shreds. You have been warned." He forcefully pushed the end button, thankfully not breaking my phone. I looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"What was that about?"

He shook his head and stood us both up. "I'll explain later. You should go eat something and do all that other human stuff. I just need a minute." I stayed in my spot as he walked over to the glass wall and lowered the metal panel. I really couldn't move. I didn't want to be alone after everything that happened today and that was exactly what he was asking. Maybe he did mean what he said about me being a weak human…

"Bella I don't want to leave you alone but you need to take care of your humanly needs and I just need a minute to think. I'll only be a moment," he assured me. I didn't say anything but it didn't matter because he was gone.

I went into the kitchen as he had told me to and made myself a quick dinner. The breakfast I had made earlier had not been enough to fill me up. It was only 4 but I was exhausted. After I ate I used the bathroom and laid down in my bed. The sheets were nice but I still wish I had someone to cuddle with. I needed someone to tell me it was okay.

The words Jasper had said to Victoria ran through my mind. He became extremely defensive when Victoria told him I was hers. It was something that made me wonder if he meant it. I wasn't sure how I felt about the sudden possessiveness. It had been awhile since I was somebody's and honestly the thought alone had butterflies flittering around in my stomach. I highly doubted Jasper meant in a relationship other than friendship but I didn't care. I still wasn't over _him _and I wasn't even sure I liked Jasper in that way. He never came into my mind like this until he had said those words. Now I was confused and sleepy, which was bound to lead to crankiness. I blew off waiting for Jasper to come back and let my eyes close.

Images of Charlie's dead body flashed beneath my eyelids. I curled into myself and held on tightly. _I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry for coming back to Forks. I'm sorry for never being a good daughter. I'm so sorry._

I was grateful once reality faded into nothingness.

**AN: I really do appreciate the feedback. Please keep it up! R&R**


	4. Hold On

**Chapter 4**

**JPOV**

It felt like taking a bullet when I walked into the room. Her scent still clung to every surface. I sat on the bed we made love in every night. I placed my hand over the spot where she would normally lay. If I used my imagination it was like she was still with me. Though I held her picture in my hand I didn't need it. Every detail of Alice was implanted in my head. I couldn't forget anything if I tried, and believe me, I tried. She was permanently sketched into my brain for the rest of forever. Lucky me.

This room might have had my clothes in the closet but it was her room. Hell those weren't even my clothes. She shopped for me because I couldn't look decent enough next to her in the clothes I normally wore. I let her push me around more than I should have all because I loved her. It was a love that wasn't even returned. She never let me have any say so in anything that made me happy. She didn't even allow me to hang any of my paintings on the wall. She thought they were ugly and she didn't want to spend all eternity looking at them. About two decade ago I stopped with my artwork all together because it took time away from holding her bags as she shopped. Even now that I saw how blind I was I still loved her, how pathetic?

I dropped the picture frame back to the pink bedside table. I didn't miss her though, on my good days. In reality though my good days were when I was too focused on something else to think about her. My good days were when I was comforting Bella, which was usually her bad day. Now that I thought about it that was really horrible to think about it that way. I was practically using her avoid grieving the death of my relationship with Alice.

Of course she was grieving her own relationship as well. I never told Bella, and I probably never would but Edward had lied to her. I felt his emotions and never once had I felt love toward. Yes he had liked her a lot but never loved her. She was someone he could relate to when it came to his interest. Of course her blood had been especially appealing to him. He was using her to test himself. If he could stay around her then he could work inside a hospital with Carlisle.

There was also another reason which was quite pathetic. As a vampire Edward had never kissed a girl or even touched them in a sexual way. Of course I highly doubted he ever had the courage to get anywhere with Bella considering how frustrated he always was. It amazed me that he was still a virgin. Even more amazing that he had planned to lose it to Bella until he realized he would probably kill her. Edward was just far too inadequate to handle a woman, especially Bella.

Bella was such a great girl. My short stay with her made me see her in a different light. Before she was just the bag of blood that Edward was curious about and Alice liked to play with to pass the time. Now she was my best friend that I could talk to and pretend to be normal with. She never judged me for my lack of control, even after I fed from her. I breathed in deeply. I had thought her smell was magnificent but her taste was absolutely indescribably amazing. I hadn't wanted to stop and neither had she. Her happiness and willingness for death is what snapped me out of it. I told her I would not let her die prematurely and I meant it.

I hadn't expected her to keep a razor blade in her phone. I was beginning to see she was worse off than I thought. I should have watched her better. I knew I should be with her now but I didn't smell any free flowing blood. I could hear her mumbling slightly and knew she was asleep. There was only a matter of time before the nightmares came. It was horrible to listen to. I would do anything to stop her from having them. Every time she woke up from them she looked terrified and miserable. I might have thought of Edward as a brother once upon a time but I never would again. If we ever crossed paths again he would be dead before he turned to ash.

It was his fault Bella was in danger in the first place. If he wouldn't have gotten involved with her she would be safe and Charlie would have been alive. Even with that being the case, I was glad Bella was in my life. She was incredibly smart for a human, wise for her age. She was interested in literature as I was, the same as history and a wide selection in music and movies. She was just so full of life and curiosity. She was unbelievably beautiful…

_What?_

I had no idea why I had just thought that about my best friend. I mean yes she was beautiful, gorgeous even. I think what was what got me is that she didn't even know how attractive she was. Especially when her cheeks flushed so delicately…

Bella's high pitch scream had me running to her before it was even completely out of her mouth. "Hey it's alright Bella." I crawled in next to her and wrapped her around my arms. Her screams lessened to low whimpers. She was quivering in my arms, from terror and not being cold. I decided to wake her so she wouldn't have to suffer. "Come on Bella. I'm here. Wake up."

Her bloodshot eyes slowly blinked opened. When she saw me she clung to me and buried her face in my chest. She was sobbing terribly and mumbling something about Charlie. It made my heart ache to feel her in so much pain. It had never dulled since we found his body. I wasn't sure she would ever recover. I, a centuries old vampire, was afraid. Everything was against me in keeping her alive, including her. If I didn't watch her closely she could cut too deep in her wrist. It wasn't like I could take her to the hospital and the paramedic would take forever. For a moment I thought about turning her. She would be even more beautiful as a vampire. I knew I could trust her with everything and she would never pretend to care. It would really make me happy to spend eternity with my best friend…

No, I don't think Bella would want that. She would probably be furious with me just for considering it. Vampires ruined her life why would she want to become one. When she was dead though I wasn't sure what I would do. I didn't have a family now. I could stay with Pater and Charlotte for awhile but I wouldn't want to impose. Plus their feeding habits might cause me to slip up. When her life was over mine would be too. I never realized how Alice had given so much to me. I wish I had realized it was only temporary. Maybe then I would have tried harder to make the few vampires we came across like me. Maybe then I would have a place where I belonged.

Bella's heart rate slowed as she began to calm down. Her faced was flushed and her cheeks were wet. I gently took a corner of her blanket and gently wiped her face clean. When I was finished she curled back into my chest and sighed. Her warm breath flowed though me. Her warmth was defiantly pleasant. Being as old as I am I have gotten used to being cold all of the time but that didn't mean I had to like it. She felt like fire against me and I loved every second of it.

I once had a dog a few decades ago for this very reason. He was a black and brown German Sheppard. I rescued him from the animal shelter before they could put him down. He had bit a person so his owner got rid of him. I felt as though I could relate to him. Making one mistake could be hung over your head your whole life. It was unfair but nothing in life was. I liked him even more because he didn't growl at me, not once. All of the other dogs panicked when I came into the place but not him.

I decided on naming him Eros, after the Greek God of love. Even then Alice and I were having troubles and I thought he would be a good omen. Unfortunately I was wrong. After only having him around for three months Alice ate him. She had told me when she had took him on a walk he had stumbled into a bear trap before she could stop him and the blood was too much for her.

Now that I thought about it she hadn't seemed all that sincere in her apology. Hell she had practically skipped around the house afterword. She had never liked Eros for _many_ reasons. It seemed whenever she said anything about him it was a complaint. He drooled too much and it got on one of her outfits. He was breathing too loud for her to concentrate on her hair. He made too much noise when he ran around the house. He watched us when we had our "alone" time. He followed her around or he followed me around too much. He stared at her when she was shopping on the internet. He ate too much. He was too messy. He peed on her shoes when I didn't take him outside when he wanted me to. The complaints could go on forever.

I missed Eros.

I ran my hand through Bella's hair. I hated to admit it but every time I held Bella, part of my mind was on how fantastic she smelled. I could still taste her on my tongue. Never before had I tasted something so amazing before. It still confused me that I was able to stop when I drank from her. I was lucky I hadn't bit her. I wasn't sure if she would have survived if I had to suck the venom out.

Bella was staring up at me with her brown eyes. I wondered how long that had been going on. I guess I kind of spaced out for a second. She wasn't crying anymore, thankfully. She was still incredibly upset. I twirled a thin piece of her hair and stared back. I wanted to do something to change how she felt but I didn't know how to, other than influence her. Even then, she could stop me from using them on her. She was the first that could do that. She was also the first the force her emotions on me. I wanted to call Carlisle to ask what thus all meant but he was no longer my "father" so I had no right to ask him anything.

"You're giving me your emotions, why?" she asked softly. I hadn't expected those to be the first word out of her mouth but I shouldn't have been surprised. She had this odd tendency to worry about everyone else instead of herself. I wasn't sure there was a selfish bone in her body.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't aware of it."

"It's okay but what's wrong? You are incredibly sad. Do you miss Alice again?" I nodded since she was the one to put me in a bad mood in the first place. "What can I do to make it lessen?

"What you're doing now is fine."

"I'm not doing anything," she said confused.

"Just being my friend does everything." I hugged her tighter, careful not to hurt her fragile frame.

She smiled up at me, it barely reached her eyes. "I'm glad I can help then."

There was a buzzing noise that started. I looked around searching for the reason of the noise. Bella's cell phone was behind her. It was inconsiderate for all of those people to keep calling her. She needed to grieve right now and how was she supposed to do that when they all wouldn't leave her alone. Most of those people weren't even her real friends. They just pretended to be for the attention. Well the females did. The males just wanted to get in her pants which I would never let happen. Bella was better than those underclass no mannered bums.

I reached behind her and grabbed her phone. It was Mike Newton. "May I answer it," I asked Bella. When she nodded I slid it open and pressed the speaker button. "Hello?" I wouldn't say my tone was impolite. I believe it was appropriate for someone who had just seen a dead body.

"Uh…" Mike sounded confused that a man was answering instead of Bella. "Jasper," he asked uncertainly.

"Yes. Is there something you wanted?" Bella was staring at me curiously. She was softly nibbling on her lip, which she did often, usually when she was nervous. I didn't even have to be an empath to understand how Bella felt all of the time. I could read her like a book.

"Um well I just wanted to talk to her. I heard about her dad and…"

I interrupted him. "Bella is still quite upset from her loss and won't be taking any phone calls any time soon nor will she be in school."

"Oh…Is she still at home. I want to stop by I'm sure she wants to see me." Bella scrunched her nose up delicately at his words. I knew Newton was lying because Bella didn't like him. She had told me how he always made advances on her and wouldn't back off even though she clearly wasn't interested. I would make him see that Bella wouldn't lower her standards.

"No she is staying with me. I didn't want her to be alone."

"Oh well…I guess that makes sense. You have plenty of room in the mansion for her." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Still I would like to talk to her if you don't mind."

"Actually I do mind. She is curled up in my arms crying her eyes out and the last thing she needs to do is talk to a guy who will only use her weakness to try to have sex with her."

Bella's face immediately flared up. I could hear Mike sputtering on the other line. "I would never do that!"

"Sure Mike. Bella and I would like to go back to bed now if you don't mind. If she wants to call you back, which is highly unlikely, she will do so when she is feeling better."

"Oh I'm the one using her weaknesses but she's sleeping in your bed! Yeah that's convenient. You're just as bad as Edward." With that the phone clicked off.

I stared at it for a moment before shutting it. I hadn't made the connection what I said until it was too late. Newton would certainly spread around Forks that Bella and I were sleeping together. I should have thought before I spoke. I was trying to help her but instead I make everything worse. I should have just let it go. By how stiff she was in my arms I could tell she was upset. I felt horrible.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make things worse. I wasn't thinking." I tried to hide the panic in my voice but I was sure she heard it. She was very observant.

"Calm down Jazz, I'm not mad at you. People will just think we're together now but it doesn't matter. Graduation is a few weeks away…"She suddenly had a loss look in her eye. "Charlie won't be able to see me graduate. He had been so excited about it. He bought a brand new camera. I heard him talking to Billy after dinner, telling him how proud he was of me… Now he won't even get to see."

"I'll kill her slowly," I promised.

She looked up at me with determined eyes. "Please do. I want her to suffer the way Charlie did." I had never seen Bella so angry before, I liked it.

"She will. She doesn't stand a chance against me."

Bella sighed. "Jazz…"

"What?"

"I need to cut," she said slowly. She was humiliated and ashamed but above all she was desperate.

"I'm sorry but you I can't let you do that."

"I won't try to kill myself, I promise. I just need a small cut before I freaking snap. Please Jasper. Do this one thing for me."

That was unfair. She was looking up at me with those big brown eyes, pleading with me. I would have given in if it were anything other than this.

"Hurting yourself is not the answer Bella."

"But I need to!" Her breathing was becoming shallow. She felt like she was suffocating.

I ran my fingers through her hair, calming her as much as she would let me. I had never known anyone that intentionally hurt themselves. I was at a loss on how to protect her from herself. I noticed her fingers were digging into her arms. I wasn't sure she even realized she was doing it. I grabbed her hands and held them.

"Think about Renee," I tried weakly. "Think about how she would feel if she knew."

"She'll never know she can't!" She seemed very upset that I would even think about it. I was really horrible at being a friend. I drank her blood, let a vampire kill her father, made people think we were having sex, and made her feel worse when I was trying to comfort her. This was why nobody liked me; I always screwed stuff up.

"I'm sorry." I buried my head in the pillow.

"Don't say that. It's not your fault. Besides you have your own issues to deal with too. I'm just screwed up right now. I…I need to get things ready and planned. Did I tell you what I was thinking? I don't believe I did. Did I? I don't know. Would you like to hear anyway," she said so quickly her words kind of blurred.

I peaked over at her. I was confused by her sudden mood change. It never ceaseed to amaze me how one moment she could be fully in control then the next total breakdown. I preferred the Bella that always had a breakdown. She needed to get the pain out and not just bottle it up. She had to take those pills for reason. I just hoped they would help her instead of make her worse like the internet says.

"No Bella you have not told me your plan."

"Okay well Renee will be her tomorrow so I was thinking the wake could be Friday and the funeral could be on Saturday. Is that waiting too long? I really want Renee to be there so I was hoping it could wait to then. Do you think they will allow me to do that?"

"If anyone has a problem with anything you want I will handle it. Before we left I grabbed Charlie's paperwork. Most people his age don't plan for death but I suppose because he was a police officer he was extra cautious. He already had a casket picked out and purchased, the same as the plot in Forks Cemetery. Things are taken care of for the most part Bella."

She suddenly looked nervous, biting her lip. "Would you mind if I had the wake here? It's okay if it's not. I don't want to force all of those humans on you it's just that the house is really big. It just seemed like a good idea because I have no idea where to have it but I could probably fine somewhere else…"

I placed my hand over her mouth. She was so uncertain and overwhelmed. It was ridiculous for her to think I would tell her no on this. It was partially my fault he was dead but even if I didn't feel obligated I would do this for her anyway. Best friend and all.

"You can have it here and I promise I won't attack any of your friends."

She smiled before it faded. "I need to go to the store for groceries."

I frowned. "There is still food in there for you to eat." Wasn't there? I could have sworn there were.

"Yeah but at wakes people have dinner which means I need to go supplies to make something good enough."

"Oh, well make a list and I'll go get it for you."

"No that's okay. I'm feeling kind of suffocated. I need to get out."

Irrational or not I couldn't stop the way my body reacted. I blinked back tears even though I knew they would never flow. My dead heart throbbed painfully in my chest.

"Jazz? What's wrong?"

I just shook my head, not sure if I could even speak right now. I wish I could control how I was behaving right now but I could not. I wanted to blame it on her emotions rubbing off on me but her dominant emotion now was concern.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to," I said as I jumped from the bed at vampire speed.

"You didn't mean to what Jasper?" she asked sitting up before she gasped. "Oh Jazz I didn't mean _you _were suffocating me. Please come back over here." She held her hand out to me. I wanted to go back but I couldn't think straight. My head was just filled with images of Alice. What if Bella was just pretending to be my friend but then later throw me to the curb? I couldn't take that a second time. I was trying to stay strong for her but I was like a child. Alice had seriously damaged me. I didn't think simple little words could set me off like this but now I knew to be on guard. I wasn't going to be hurt again.

"Jazz," Bella called lightly. I loved/hated that nickname. I loved the way Bella said it. She made it sound special and confident. I hated it when Alice said it. She usually only used it when she was angry or she wanted something, so she rarely called me Jasper.

"I am sorry," I told her for the millionth time. I could feel it was irritating her. "Alice always told me I suffocated her," I explained.

"I should have remembered Jazz. I'm so sorry." She crawled over to the side of the bed where I was standing and threw her arms around me. "I would never say that to you. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to hurt you." I was suddenly feeling completely at ease.

"How the hell do you keep using my abilities?"

"I just go with the flow of things," she said vaguely. It didn't matter though. She wasn't talking about hurting herself anymore so it was okay. "Let's go to the store together okay? I just want to get out of the house for awhile, too many memories. Though," her eyes traced across the room. "I've never been in here before. It's really beautiful."

"While we are in Forks you can stay in here. This room used to be where I drew but Alice didn't want me to so I stopped. The room is a bit feminine anyway."

"I fucking hate Alice," she mumbled probably thinking I wouldn't here. I swear sometimes she forgot I was a vampire. "You never told me you drew," she accused.

"Well they aren't very good I suppose."

"Can I see something drew?"

"Um…" I didn't want to tell her no because that would be rude but if nobody in the family liked them Bella probably wouldn't either. Unlike many her age, she appreciated art. She would probably think of me foolish to believe I tried to create art. If I were humans my cheeks would have flushed in embarrassment. "When we get back from the store I will show you."

She squeezed me tighter before letting me go all together. I watched her pull on her shoes before realizing it was late, almost 8. She hadn't really slept much at all and I knew she was still tired.

"Are you sure you don't want to just wait until tomorrow to get everything?"

She shook her head. "I want to have it all before Renee gets here. The wake will be the day after and there is still so much to do."

"Bella he's only been gone for a little more than 24 hours." I side word the word dead, not knowing how it would affect her. "No one would blame you for putting it off a little longer."

"No people do this all the time so I can too. I'm fine Jasper, really."

I knew that was lie but none the less I followed her to the garage. I didn't own a vehicle. The last one I had Emmett crushed it when we were fighting. I never got around to replacing it. The family probably wouldn't have appreciated us using the cars they left behind so I went to the one no one ever used. I tugged the black cover off of it revealing the Mustang Cobra GT. It had always been my favorite though I never drove it before. It was shiny silver with blue racing stripes. It could get up to 180 mph and was as silent as a panther. It was the best car ever. Bella seemed to agree with me.

"Wow. Is this your car?"

"No but I don't have one. I hope they won't mind too much that I used it." I sighed contently as I got in and started the engine. Bella was amused by my reaction. She mumbled something about guys and cars. I didn't mind though. The smile on her face, even if it was small, was enough to make me happy. I could feel all the pain that was buried inside of her but she was better than she was yesterday and that was progress.

As we drove Bella got hot but instead of turning the air on she lowered the window. Her hair whipped all around her face but she didn't seem to mind. I was honestly surprised she hadn't said anything about the speed; I mean I kept it under 100 but I was still doing 80. Edward always complained about how she would never let him drive fast. Of course Edward always complained about the littlest things.

"What are you staring at?" Bella's words pulled me from my thoughts. I hadn't even realized I was staring at her so I just shrugged. "Well not all of us have the advantage of being indestructible so unless you want to be scraping me off the road you should pay more attention."

It bothered me how easily she spoke of herself dying. It wouldn't mean anything to her if she died tomorrow. I hoped with everything in me that once we left this town she would get along better. If not, I wasn't sure what I would do.

"Jasper? Road's that way."

I sighed and averted my eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked with concern in her voice.

"Nothing is wrong." I tried to sound like I meant it but it was kind of hard when I didn't.

"I can feel you. You are apprehensive about something."

I let out a frustrated sigh. Ever since I came back to her I had seem to lose control over my abilities. Or maybe it was before that. The divorce from Alice probably made me unstable. Bella had been the first human I came in contact with since it happened. Well, except for when I slipped…

"My eyes are red," I said quickly. "I know they disturb you but imagine all of the other humans who see normal. If you could figure out we weren't human before Edward told you there is no telling what the rest of them could conclude."

She glared at me. "First off your eyes don't disturb me and secondly did you just call me stupid?"

My eyes widened in shock. Here I was again saying even more stupid nonsense. "No! That's not what I meant."

"That's what it sounded like." She crossed her arms across her chest.

"I just meant that they were aware of us longer than you since you had lived in Florida. They noticed how different we are before you came so they should have been able to figure it out…My eyes don't bother you?"

I haven't looked in the mirror since I fed from Bella. I had hunted many animals before I had come to her house. The color had faded slightly but since I drank more human blood they were really strikingly red.

"If Edward hadn't told me I probably wouldn't have guessed vampire. Jacob told me about that when I first moved down here. No, your eyes don't bother me. I kind of like it in a weird way. You pull it off way better than any of the Volturi."

"Jacob? Jacob Black?" I scowled at this, forgetting my eyes for the moment. I didn't like the thought of her being around all of those dogs. They were volatile and dangerous. I hadn't been around when the Cullens signed the treaty but I knew they broke it by telling Bella. I would have to have a talk with their leader. I was honestly surprised they hadn't come to me first since I came back. I knew they must be upset now that I came back.

"He used to be when we were kids. We made mud pies together. Our dads were best friends…" She teared up when she spoke of him in past tense. "Oh no! I never called Billy. I wonder if he knows. I hate that he would find out from a stranger. God why didn't I call him? They were best friends. I didn't call Harry either. Ugh!" She buried her face in her hands.

I eased the Mustang to the side of the road and pulled Bella into my arms. She cried silently into my shirt. "It's alright Bella. Things have been tough for you. Everything has fallen down around you. Nobody expects you to be able to handle everything. They will understand why you didn't call them right away. It only happened yesterday."

"No, no, it's not okay Jasper!" Her voice cracked. "I. Can't. Do. This." She sobbed.

I didn't say anything because I knew she needed to get this out. I just rubbed her back and restrained from flowering her with as much tranquility as she would accept. She had to feel this pain before she could get better. Her tears stopped twenty minutes later. She wiped her eyes as she pulled away from me. She had the usual redness she had whenever she cried. Now that her breakdown was over she was incredibly exhausted. She was slouched against her seat.

"Would you like to go back now?"

She shook her head and pulled out her cell. A gruff voice answered on the other end.

"Hey Billy, it's Bella." Her voice shook a little when she spoke.

"_Hey, Bella. I heard about Charlie. I'm so sorry we couldn't have stopped it."_

"How could you Billy? Charlie always left that door open. The wolf probably smelt food…"

"_Bella," _he said tiredly. "_Let's not do this anymore. I know about vampires and you know about vampires. We both know a vampire did this."_

Bella was surprised just as I was. I hadn't expected him to be so forward about it. From what I knew Bella didn't know about the werewolves which meant I would probably have to explain that.

"Billy…"

"_We know one of the Cullens came back. Did he kill Charlie?"_

"No," she seemed appalled that he would say that about me. "Jasper would never do that! It was Victoria. She is after me and she killed Charlie." She began to whisper toward the end. She took a deep breath to gather herself. "Billy you said _we_. Who are you talking about?"

"_The werewolves,"_ he said simply.

Bella was quiet for a moment. She was completely shocked for a moment before she slowly slipped to understanding. "The stories Jacob told me before. I only paid attention about the cold ones. I should have known _that_ story would be true as well."

I gestured for her to give me the phone. We needed to have this taken care of.

She looked unsure for a moment but nodded. "Billy, Jasper wants to talk to you."

He sighed. "_Alright. Put the bloodsucker on."_

She flinched. "Be nice."

I took the phone from her and put it to my ear. My military days came flashing to my head, taking charge. "Hello Billy Black. This is Jasper Whitlock. I have returned to Forks, without the Cullens and I do not plan on them coming back here any time soon. Victoria killed Charlie before I could stop her and I was unable to hunt her down on my own. I think it would be best for us to reconstruct the treaty in order to keep Bella safe and to prevent any other casualties."

He took a moment to think about it before saying, "I will speak to Sam about it but until then is Bella safe with you? We can protect her on the reservation if you can't." I could hear in his voice that he would prefer Bella on their side of the line. That wasn't going to happen though. It was a struggle just to consider working with them. There was no chance of her being with them unprotected.

"No sir that will not be necessary. Bella is safe with me," I lied.

Bella held her hand out for the phone. She had been watching me since I took the phone from her. Unlike me, she couldn't hear the conversation. Vampire hearing was often helpful, especially when you are spying.

"Alright, if you are sure she is safe."

"I'm sure. Bella would like to speak with you again. Good day sir." I handed it back to her.

"Billy, the wake will be on Thursday. Could you possibly spread that around La Push? I don't know what time yet. I still haven't gotten that far yet."

"_How are you doing Bella? All of the funeral stuff can be tough. Do you need any help with anything?"_

"Thanks but I'm fine. My mom will be here tomorrow anyway. I can handle this, really." The two said their goodbyes and Bella turned to me. "Why didn't anyone tell me about werewolves? Who is Whitlock? What did you guys talk about?"

"Well the subject never came up, sorry. My real name is Jasper Whitlock. I only used Hale because I was supposed to be Rosalie's twin. After he talks to Sam, the alpha I suppose, I will have the answer to if they want to work together to get Victoria."

She frowned. "I thought you guys were like mortal enemies."

"Yes but I can deal with them if it means keeping you safe." She smiled and leaned back into her seat. "Are you ready to go back yet?"

"We have to go to the store Jazz."

"Yes but…"

"Jazz," she whined.

I easily gave in. I started the car and headed to the closest super market. We were greeted by an elderly lady when we entered. I kept my eyes down so I wouldn't startle her. I wasn't quite sure why she was there. I could smell it in her blood; she was sick, deadly so. I wondered how long it would take for whatever it was she had to kill her. I also wondered if she knew.

I pushed the metal cart for Bella as we walked through the small store. She walked closely to my side, randomly picking things from the shelf. I guess she thought about what she was cooking while we were in the car. I was trying to keep my focus on Bella but there was so much blood in the air. I didn't have to worry about the red eyes because I was sure they were black now. I shouldn't have been thirsty since I had just hunted and drank from Bella. They all smelled differently and they walked _so _close. It was as if they wanted to die.

"Bella!"

Dread immediately took over her emotions. I looked to where the annoyingly high pitched voice came from and saw Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory. I knew they were one of the people who pretended to be Bella's friends. I couldn't stand them before but now I hated them. They were always lusting over us when we came to Forks. Sometimes I wished we were ugly like the books wrote us to be so I could have a break from their hormones.

"Hi," Bella said. She didn't even bother faking a smile. I was glad to see she was no longer pretending any longer.

"I am like so sorry about your dad. A wolf, that's insane. You must be so upset," Jessica said. Her voice was incredibly annoying. I really hoped she wouldn't say much.

"Yes, I am," Bella said simply.

"Then what are you doing here? If it were my dad I would be at home grieving not with the guy I'm fucking."

Oh joy. It seems like they talked to Newton. I was going to step in but Bella seemed to be able to handle herself.

"Well guess what Lauren? This isn't happening to you! You didn't fucking walk into your house to see your father torn up! You have no idea how I grieved but if you must know I was asleep most of the time and when I wasn't sleeping I was crying. So sorry to disappoint you but I didn't have any time to fuck Jasper like you said. If you don't mind I would like to continue my shopping so I can have some fucking food to cook for my father's wake." Bella almost knocked her to the ground when she stormed passed her. I glared at the two girls as I followed Bella. When we were in a few isles away she wrapped her arms around my waist. I hugged her back.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded but said nothing.

"Are you ready to go home?"

She shook her head, staying silent.

"Would you like me to go eat them?" I tried.

A small giggle escaped her lips. "I wouldn't mind."

She pulled back and yawned. "Let's get the rest of the stuff you need and go get you some dinner ok?"

She accepted and went back to what seemed to me as randomly grabbing stuff off the shelves. Once she had enough to feed everyone we left. I took her to a small diner for dinner. All of the employees gave their condolences. Her eyes began to water half way through her meal. That was when she told me that she and Charlie used to eat their when she didn't feel like cooking. I felt terrible for not thinking of it but she assured me that it was okay. She finished her meal and we drove home. She fell asleep in the car so I carried her to her new bedroom. It took me a little long to put the groceries away since I had no idea where anything went. By the time I finished Bella was beginning to have nightmares. I ran up to her and laid next to her. She clung to me, instantly comforted, and fell back into a restless sleep.

**AN: Maybe it was just me but I felt like this chapter wasn't all that great. The next one will be better for sure. Renee and Phil will be coming in that one. I loved all the reviews I got. So far my average is like 11 per chapter which makes me happy. Thank you to all of you that keep reading and reviewing.**


	5. Open Wounds

**BPOV**

When I opened my eyes I felt better, not healed, but better. These past few days I had been crying non stop, and for another reason besides Edward leaving me. I was still heartbroken but it was manageable. I guess I couldn't deal with tow tragedies at a time. Charlie's death was still painful to think about but I could handle it. For once I wanted to do more than just cry and I wasn't just pretending to be okay like I had yesterday. I felt no desire to cut or sleep the days away. I think yelling at Lauren and Jessica yesterday really helped. I couldn't care less if they thought I was having a relationship with Jasper or not. It was none of their business anyway.

"I'm glad you are feeling better," Jasper's country like voice pulled me from my thoughts. I turned onto my back and looked up at him. He looked different. His hair was parted down the middle and tucked behind his ears. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt and dark wash jeans. He noticed I was checking him out and smiled.

"You combed your hair?"

He chuckled and looked away, like he was embarrassed. "Yes. I wanted to look nice for your mother and step father." He frowned. "I'm trying too hard, aren't I? I could change or mess my hair up again. Alice always said it looked better that way. I could put my normal clothes on…"

"Hey." I placed my hand in his. "You look great Jazz. I like you better this way, not Alice's way."

"Really," he asked. His southern drawl that he usually hid was coming out really thick today. I wasn't sure if he even noticed it. It made me smile which he took the wrong way. He grimaced. "Damn I am trying too hard."

I stopped him from ruffling his hair. "No you're not. I was just smiling because your accent keeps slipping out. I like when you don't try to hide it." I searched his emotions and found mostly confusion and anxiousness.

"Alice always said she hated it."

"Fuck Alice!" I snapped at him as I sat up.

I hated her more than my fake friends at Forks. She told Jasper so many lies to transform him into the man she wanted him to be. Now all he ever did was second guess himself. It wasn't right for her to do such a thing. If I could, I would make her pay for everything she had ever done to Jasper. All she did was pretend to love him so she could manipulate him for her own amusement. She was worse than Edward.

"Why does it matter what we think anyway? We're just humans. You'll out live us anyway."

He flinched. "I'd rather not think about you being dead if you don't mind and I don't know why I care so much. I just want your approval so…So I don't do anything to upset you."

"I'm not Alice."

He smiled. "I know. I'm sorry. It's kind of pathetic. I was in the god damn army, I'm an empath, and I still can't keep my emotions in check."

"You're not pathetic. You're just acting human." I ran my fingers lightly through his hair. "Did you straighten your hair?"

He turned away and handed me a sketch pad. "These are some of my drawings," he said changing the subject. I decided not to make fun of him, now.

I took the sketch book he handed me. The first one had my birth date in the corner. It was of Edward and me standing next to each other. I had just gotten a paper cut. Edward had so much fury on his face. I turned the page to see me staring up at seven bloodthirsty vampires. Carlisle was the only one without black eyes. There was blood trailing down my arm and broken glass all around me. I looked terrified.

I turned the page again to see Alice hand in hand with another man. I assume this was Gabe, the 96 year old. His had dirty blond hair that reminded me of James'. He was only about a foot taller than Alice and he had less muscle then Edward did. He looked to be only 18, maybe 19. He had a square jaw and soft eyes. He was good looking, like all vampires, but Jasper was still better looking.

I turned the page again to see myself sleeping. I looked up at him. "When did you do these?"

"Last night. Do you like them?"

"Yeah, they're great. I've never seen anything so beautifully drawn...The picture of me is really pretty."

"It's difficult to capture beauty on paper. I could draw you forever but I don't think I could ever give you justice."

I just stared at him. He thought I was beautiful, _me_. I was plain and simple, certainly not beautiful.

"You think I'm lying don't you," he accused.

"You're the empath, you tell me."

"If you would allow me to I could but you have been blocking me since you asked me to stay last night."

"Oh well I don't know how I'm doing it or how to control it. I guess I'm not normal after all." I hoped out of bed and headed to my duffle bag. "I'm going to go shower before I have to get Renee and Phil." I wish I would have paid more attention to what I packed when I was leaving. There was nothing cute in here. The last time I saw Renee I was a complete mess. I wanted to show her I was getting over Edward and handling Charlie's death.

"There are clothes in the closet. Alice bought them before so I put them in here." I wondered briefly if I had stopped blocking my emotions for him as I zipped my bag.

I was grateful for the extra options but I still hated her. I went over to the closet to pick out one of the expensive outfits to wear. I felt as though I was walking into another room, it was so large. There weren't many outfits that I personally would go out to buy but I was looking to dress up a little. A black dress caught my eye. It was spaghetti strap diamond studded V-neck that would probably end just above my knee. There was a black asymmetric jacket on the hanger with it. Together it was formal yet elegant. I wasn't sure if it would work though. I grabbed it and turned to Jasper.

He was already staring at me so I held it up. "Do you think this is right for the wake?"

He smiled. "I think it's perfect."

I walked back into the closet and hung it up in front of one of the mirrors. There were shelves for shoes, purses, and other accessories lining the wall. Alice's shopping addiction really was unhealthy. She should get some help.

I found the part of the walk in closet with casual clothes. I found a blue jean skirt of decent length and a long sleeved forest green shirt. Cautiously walking over to the shoe shelf I examined my choices. Alice always tried to put me in heels that were unnaturally tall.

"Hey Bella," Jasper called. "Do you think it would be okay for me to go with you to the airport?"

"Uh you don't have to. There will be a lot of people there, more than the high school." I picked up a pair of wedge sandals and examined them. They were like four inches tall and I'd probably fall on my face. That would be a great thing to do in front of a thousand people or so.

"I can handle it," Jasper said from directly behind me.

I jumped and turned to face him. Vampires were too quiet for their own good. He was staring at me again with something different in his eyes. I disregarded it and walked around him. "If you're sure, I guess. It's not that I don't trust you. I just don't want to cause any further discomfort." I went into the bathroom, stunned slightly, though I shouldn't have been. Everything the Cullens owned was incredibly extravagant.

"It will be fine. I can't let you go alone with Victoria out there. I won't bite anyone."

I dropped my clothes on the counter and turned to see him leaning in the doorway. "I know. I actually forgot about Victoria for a moment…You're right it would be best if you came. Thank you."

"It's not a problem. I'll go cook you something to eat."

He was gone before I had the time to tell him not too. Jasper hadn't been human in awhile and his last human years were spent in the army. Even if he hadn't he lived in the time where the women did all of the cooking. I wasn't sure how this could possibly end well. I just hoped he had a fire extinguisher around, and that he knew how to use it.

With that thought in mind I hurried through my much needed shower, or at least tried to. The moment the hot water sprayed across my muscles I almost fainted. This shower was definitely worth the thousands of dollars the Cullens had to pay on this. I had to have stayed in there for at least a half an hour but it wasn't all just relaxing. I needed to think about everything. I wanted to make sure I was truly better and not just lying to myself.

I have come to terms with the fact that Edward didn't want me. People got dumped all of the time, of course they weren't promised forever. Though, some of them actually had been. It just wasn't as long as ours could've been.

Now that I had a clear head I knew Charlie's death wasn't really my fault. It wasn't anybody's fault besides Victoria's and though I didn't amend it I understood why she did it. She couldn't get her hands on me or Edward so she went to the closest person to kill in order to hurt me. It was as though I was living Romeo and Juliet with vampires. If one little situation wouldn't have happened in the beginning Charlie would still be alive. Edward had been doomed in the beginning but we were too blind to see it. Unfortunately you can't change what has already been done.

Life was continuing even if I'd rather it didn't. Graduation was coming up soon and my absence would take away from learning last minute lessons and important reviews. The tests would be hard I was sure so I definitely needed to make up for lost time quickly. I would return to school on Monday I suppose, if I could deal with everyone else. Until then I would just ask Angela to get some review packets drawn up from the teachers to help me out. She would do it without a problem because she was a great friend. The teachers would work to put some together because they felt bad for me. It was a win-win.

There was also the other thing that had been itching at my brain. I could remember flirting with Jacob Black on First Beach. I had asked him question referring to the Cullens, though he didn't know that was all I wanted. He had told me everything I wanted and more. The _more_ part hadn't seemed all of that important because I was interested in Edward. The fact that Edward was a vampire didn't turn any knobs in my brain that told me werewolves were probably real too. I had known that Billy hadn't liked the Cullens because he had suspicions that the Cullens were vampires. I hadn't known he had known for sure and that he knew of werewolves too. Of course if I ever thought when I was with Edward I probably would have put two and two together.

I bet Sam Uley was one. He was the man that found me in the woods after Edward left. There was something about him that didn't seem completely human. I mean he had a heartbeat and normal colored eyes but he was abnormally hot, like he had a fever. He was also unnaturally tall and muscular. Of course he could have just been on steroids but La Push was even smaller than Forks. I doubt he would risk it considering everyone would find out eventually. I guess I would find out soon if he was or not because Jasper had requested a meeting with them. Now that Charlie was gone I was sure Billy would convince them into fighting for him.

It was after 5 when I finally forced myself out of the hot water. My plan had been to get up early to get a head start on cooking the post wake dinner. I hadn't realized I had slept so late into the day. The longest I usually sleep was three or four hours and even then I have nightmares. Maybe it was because it was a new room or because Jasper was with me. He always made me feel better when I was awake so why not when I was sleeping. Jasper had been the rock I needed through it all. I hated to think it but part of me was glad Alice found Gabe. If she hadn't my Jasper never would have come to me…My Jasper? I had never thought about him in a possessive manner, though I did like the way it sounded.

After I was dressed I made sure to take my pill before heading downstairs. Of course I went to fast and tripped. "Whoa there," Jasper said as he swooped me into his arms bridal style. "I was just coming to get you. I thought you might have drowned in there."

I blushed.

He carried me into the kitchen where he placed me at the table. In front of me was a glass of orange juice and a large plate of pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage links, and hash browns. It all looked like it just came out of a commercial from Denny's or something.

"I know it is too late for breakfast but I thought you might still want it."

I smiled up at him.

"Thanks this looks great but you didn't have to cooks so much. I didn't even know you knew how to cook. I was sure you would set the kitchen on fire." I dug in and almost started drooling. It tasted so amazing. I could never cook something like this in a hundred years.

"Yeah I know but you are really thin. You need to eat more than what you have been. I learned how to cook a few decades ago to replace drawing. There was a nice Culinary School in Europe that taught me a lot. I was going to cook something a little different but I wasn't sure you would like it."

"I'm sure I would have but this is great. I feel like I haven't eaten in forever."

He smiled as he sat down in front of me. "I'm glad you are enjoying it. While you were in the shower I called the priest, Mr. Webber to confirm the burial on Friday at Forks Cemetery. I took care of his credit cards and accounts. All of his money is now in your account. I paid off all of the bills and the house, which I can have on the market as soon as you want it to be. There wasn't much family to contact but I did inform the few people that didn't know in Forks. I hope you don't mind but his wake is tomorrow and I wanted to make sure all of the people that needed to be there were there."

I was so touched that he would do all of this for me. I honestly had no idea what I would do. I guess Jasper was old enough to know how the whole death thing went better than me. "Thank you." I reached across the table to grab his hand. At vampire speed he flipped his hand around and threaded his fingers through mine.

"I just wanted to make this easier for you. Though, it wasn't really necessary because most of them already saw the obituary. I believe Billy Black wrote it up."

"I don't really know any of Charlie's relatives. So I'm glad to avoid the awkwardness. Billy was really close to him so I'm glad he took care of it. I honestly hadn't even thought about it."

"Charlie already bought the plot the tombstone still needs to be engraved. I also didn't know what kind of flowers you wanted to decorate the funeral home in so when you decide let me know and I will tell them. Everything else is pretty much taken care of."

I jumped up and threw my arms around him. "Thank you so much Jazz," I whispered. My eyes were teary but with gratitude this time. I wasn't sure how to handle anything. If I didn't have him I would probably…Well I would be dead so it wouldn't matter. I took a deep breath and pulled away. "Okay um their plane lands in half an hour so we should get going."

Before I had a chance he cleared the table and had the dishes washed. I rolled my eyes at his vampire speed and headed to the car. I could tell he really loved it by the smile that lit up his face every time he started it. He was like a little kid playing with a new toy.

"We're going to get there early," I stated as he hit 85mph and was still accelerating. The airport in Seattle was 45 minutes away but his driving was insane.

"Yes but the plane could also be early," he countered.

I shook my head. "Not very likely but that would be nice. I will probably need Renee's help to cook all of the food for tomorrow. Phil won't ask you a bunch of questions like Renee will but he might want to watch baseball with you or something."

"I suppose I could do that. Would you prefer me to get a caterer? It wouldn't be a problem. I can pay them to cook whatever you want and serve your guests."

I smiled over at him. That was sweet of him to offer but I wanted to do this one thing. I planned on cooking all of Charlie's favorites. If he were here I bet he would really like it. "I want to cook Jasper. You've done enough already. I can handle the rest."

He reached for my hand. "Okay but if you need any help I can help you cook or decorate the house."

I gasped. "I forgot about the house. There aren't any flowers or enough places for people to sit. I didn't even get extra plates or cups. Damn it." I buried my face in the hand Jasper didn't have. I was so sure this would all work out but I couldn't even remember the basics. I was so stupid. I should have just taken all of the help Jasper had offered because I would end up screwing up Charlie's wake and I would never be able to live with myself.

"Hey calm down Bella. Esme overdid being human sometimes so we have extra supplies. There are dishes and glasses in the cupboards Esme refused to use them because a few of the chairs were broken when Emmett and I fought. She would rather buy a new table set then just replace a few chairs and we just stuck them down there instead of throwing them away. I could call a florist to decorate the house with flowers and we could always run out to the store to get anything else we might have forgotten."

I sniffed and looked up at him. "Thank you. I didn't have anything planned as well as I thought."

"Stop worrying. Stop apologizing. You just lost you father. I don't expect you to be on top of everything. Life is hard but death is harder. I'll be here for you though to help you through everything."

I just looked at him. "I've never had anyone take care of me before. Growing up I was always the adult. I took care of everything. Now that Charlie's gone though I feel like I can't do anything. I feel so worthless."

He ran our joined hands down my cheek. He didn't say anything but his feelings suddenly took me over. I felt his care and adoration, his worry and concern, his friendship and love. I gasped at the invasion and let my eyes fall shut. "Thank you," I whispered. "I needed that."

"Stop thanking me," he added. "I care about you. I do this so you can go back to being the happy un-medicated Bella you use to be."

"I don't think I will ever be that way for a long time."

"I know but I'm willing to wait."

Jasper's cell phone ruined the moment. I opened my eyes to see him staring at it. My eyes flashed to the rode to make sure we weren't going to crash into anything. Jasper sensed my worry and slowed to a normal speed. "It's Emmett," he told me, still staring at the phone.

"Are you going to answer it?" I asked slowly. I knew he was upset with Alice and her mate but it wasn't completely fair that he disconnected himself from the rest of the Cullens. He assumed that none of them loved him but I knew that couldn't be true. Though they had claimed to love me and they abandoned me…

"I don't know."

Eventually the phone stopped ringing and he let out a sigh. He stiffened again when the ringing started once more.

"Would you like me to answer?" I wasn't really in a mood to talk to any of the Cullens but it was clear he wasn't going to leave him alone until he got an answer.

"Would you?" he asked hopefully.

I held out my hand for the phone. The second I pushed the talk button Emmett's voice filled my head. "Finally brother! I didn't think you would ever answer. It took me forever to hunt down your new number. Why did you change it without telling us and where are you? You can't just leave without telling us. I know you are upset but we have been looking everywhere for you. The family was already split apart after we left Bella but when Gabe showed up it just got worse. We need you man."

He spoke so quickly I barely understood any of it but I did catch the part about me. They had been split up over me? I didn't think they cared enough for it to make a big difference whether I was in their life or not. I understood why the family would be distraught over Jasper because they cared about him, even if he didn't think so.

"He's with me Emmett."

I could hear an audible gasp on the other line. "Bella, I've missed you so much! I didn't want to leave but Edward's an ass. He made us go and Carlisle wouldn't let us fight and everything was ruined. I'm sorry we never explained or said goodbye. I ripped his arm off for it. Everything is so boring without you around. I miss you so much. Wait why is Jasper with you? Are you okay? He didn't turn you did he?"

I frowned. "Why would he turn me?

"Well he struggles with his self control as you may have noticed at your party. I figured he might have bitten you. He wouldn't actually kill you of course if you are still human. He has enough control to stop."

I saw Jasper smile a little at Emmett's words. His self confidence was really shot. I He just assumed everyone thought he was weak because he could feel their emotions. It would probably be more helpful if he could read their thoughts too.

"I'm still human."

"Oh well that sucks. You would be an awesome vampire. Why is Jasper with you anyway? Did he tell you about what happened? Is he alright?" he asked quickly. He really had a short attention span. He kept jumping from question to question it was hard to keep up.

"Um yeah he told me everything. He is better than before."

"But why is he with you?"

I glanced over at Jasper. "I don't know."

"Has he been there the whole time? We've been looking for him but we never thought to look in Forks. What have you guys been up to?

"Emmett one question at a time."

He chuckled. "Sorry. I don't talk to humans anymore."

"It's okay. He has only been here for about a week. He's helping me plan a funeral for Charlie."

"…I'm so sorry." His tone suddenly went from overly excited to grave in a split second. "What happened?"

"Victoria killed him." I squeezed Jasper's hand. It hurt to say it.

Emmett's growl was so loud I had to pull the phone from my ear. "We should have known she wouldn't give up! Are you okay? Did she hurt you? I swear to god I will rip her to shreds!" He growled again.

"I'm fine Emmett, dealing. She didn't come anywhere near me."

"We're coming back. We never should have left you."

"NO!" I snapped at him. It wasn't that I didn't want to have Emmett back but things were different now. It would hurt far too much to see Edward again and I know Jasper didn't want to see Alice again. I had no desire what so ever to meet this Gabe person either. Rosalie never even liked me so I knew she would hate me even more if she had to come back. I did miss Esme and Carlisle even if they had let their son uproot their family and desert me. I honestly didn't want to deal with anymore stress and all of them coming back would cause a lot of it. I was content with it just being Jasper and I.

"You don't miss us." He accused sadly. Yet again another mood change. If vampires could be bipolar I was sure Emmett was. I felt kind of bad though for hurting his feelings but he had done it to me first.

"It's not that. I just don't…You don't have to come back okay? We are doing okay on our own."

Emmett was silent on the other end before quietly saying, "I just wanted to help."

Oh that was just great! I didn't mean to hurt Emmett's feelings. I felt horrible. He was like a little boy sometimes, easily hurt. I could practically see the pout on his face. I really did miss my big bear of a brother. It had been tough to lose them once but I knew if he came he would just leave again. I didn't want to go through that pain twice.

"I know Em but I don't want to drag you all out here for me. We have been doing okay without all of you." I winced at the last part. I wasn't making this any better.

"Oh well…"

"I didn't mean it like that. I have no problem with you, just everyone else," I told him honestly.

"Why?" He seemed generally confused to why I would think such a thing. "Nobody wanted to leave you. Well Edward did but he is in Alaska now."

Alaska, I thought grimly. He was with all those single women in Alaska while I was mourning my father. Where was the justice?

"It isn't just him. I don't want to see Alice or her _mate_ either."

"We don't live with them anymore. Carlisle was so upset that they would hurt Jasper so badly that he told them live somewhere else until everyone could adjust to the idea. It's only the four of us now."

I knew this would sound horribly mean but I had to say it. "Emmett the only one I like in that family is you. I use to think of Carlisle and Esme as my parents but they let Edward take you all way from me. Parents don't do that. Rosalie is a bitch. I'm sorry. I know she's your mate but she has been nothing but mean to me since she met me. I have enough problems and I honestly can't take anymore."

Again he was silent on the other end. For a moment I thought he hung up. "You made Esme cry," he whispered finally. There were hushed voices on the other end but I couldn't under what they said. Suddenly Carlisle's voice filled my ear.

"Bella."

That was all I heard before I dropped the phone in Jasper's lap. I knew it was immature but I didn't care. I was way beyond caring. Everything had gone to hell when I met his coven. If he had ordered Edward to stay away from me then none of this would be happening. I sighed. I was back to blaming people again. I thought I had gotten past that stage but apparently I was wrong. Was it asking too much to wish everything would go back to what it used to be? I wanted to go home, but I no longer had one. I had no where I belonged.

Jasper finished the rest of the conversation in vampire speed. We were to the airport when he finally hung up. The dash board read 5:50 before he killed the engine. I was about to open the door before his hand stopped me. I didn't want to talk about the Cullens right now. I wanted my mom! I wiped at the tears that were creeping out of the corner of my eyes. To think I actually thought I wouldn't cry today. I buried my hands in my face, trying to keep the flood at bay.

My door suddenly opened and I was standing in Jasper's arms. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You haven't done anything."

"Yes, I actually did. We won't need the wolves if Emmett and Rosalie are up here. I made Rose promise to be on her best behavior. She is really sorry about Charlie and you know she never hated you. She was just jealous but I will let her explain that when they get here. I know you don't want to deal with us but…"

I cut him off. "I told you it's not you. It's just them that I don't want. I just don't want any more change. We were fine when it was just us then those stupid vampires have to come and ruin it."

Jasper stiffened in my arms. "Honey I am a vampire."

I have no idea why his words cause a major change in mood. Maybe I had finally snapped but whatever the reason I was still laughing uncontrollably. I sounded incredibly insane and I was sure people walking by were looking at me strangely as they passed by. I couldn't stop the high pitched noises coming from my throat. My sides were starting to cramp and for some reason it caused me to laugh more.

"Bella," Jasper questioned in a worried tone. He forced tranquility on me and my hysteria slowly came to an end. "Are you okay? Maybe you should go see a doctor? I could call Carlisle back."

I almost started laughing again but I didn't want to scare him any further than necessary. "I'm sorry Jazz. I really needed that. I feel better now." I looked up at him which I probably shouldn't. Things were starting to finally click and I wasn't sure I liked, or wanted it. The look in his eyes made me see this wasn't one sided or completely understandable to him either. I was afraid to what this meant. Change was happening all around and it was frightening that this could be different too. I was happy with being really close friends but more than that and things had the possibility of being ruined. I couldn't lose him…

"Hey," he said softly. "Don't worry about anything. We don't need to do anything honey."

"Thank you." I hugged him tightly for a moment before pulling back. "We need to go get Renee and Phil remember?" I smiled up at him which he fully returned. He had a great smile…

We didn't have to wait too long before we saw Renee and Phil. I should have seen it coming. Change was inevitable and everywhere. Why wouldn't Renee change? It hurt that she didn't tell me though. She had seen me when Edward had left. I was too far into my zombie state to even notice the difference. That was no excuse though! She could have told me before because by the looks of it she knew. She had to have at least seven months to tell me but she chose not to. My mother had never really put me first in her life but this had to hurt the most out of all the things she had ever done. I felt sick.

Jasper wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he eased the feeling. "She hadn't told you," he stated. Anger was clear in his voice. I nodded slowly. Jasper kept the sick feeling contained as they came to us.

"Bella," Renee squealed as she threw her arms around me, Jasper quickly sidestepping to get out of her way. "I've missed you so much. I'm so glad to see you, though I wish it were on different circumstances. I'm so sorry," she gushed.

I just stood there resisting the urge to push her away from me. I had never felt so betrayed, and I meant never. Edward was unhappy so he left. That was justified, this was not. She had no reason not to tell me. Did she not want me to know so she could have me separate from her new family? I felt so betrayed and unwanted. Thankfully I was too angry to cry.

Renee pulled away when she realized I wasn't hugging her back. "What is it?"

I just glared at her.

"Oh," she said suddenly, as though she had forgotten. "Yeah, I was going to surprise you."

"Surprise me," I snapped. "What were you going to tell me when you were at the hospital? At its first birthday? When it graduates high school?"

"Please stop calling her an it Bella. Her name is Elizabeth and I was going to tell you. Can we please talk about this later?"

I didn't give her an answer.

Jasper took the liberty of taking a step forward and introduced himself. "Hello Mrs. and Mr. Dwyer I am Jasper Whitlock." He shook both of their hands before wrapping his arm around me again. I laid my head gently on his shoulder. He pushed a dose of love on me which I clung too. I hated feeling unwanted which I had been a lot lately. I didn't want to feel anymore.

"Hello Jasper. I didn't know Bella had a new boyfriend."

"Um…" he seemed unsure what to say so he just changed the subject. I did notice that he didn't deny it so what did that say? "Well we should get home. Bella has been a bit emotional as you can understand and she would probably feel better in her own bed."

Phil's eyebrows scrunched. "You're not still staying at the house are you?"

I shook my head but that was all they got out of me.

"She moved in with me," Jasper told them. Renee's eyes widened but before she could say anything he continued. "We should really get going," he said politely but I still felt his anger.

Soon we were in separate cars driving back to the mansion. Jasper drove the speed limit so Phil would be able to keep up. Jasper held my hand tightly in his cold one. He was watching me more than the road but I couldn't find the energy to care. I was slipping off the edge again.

"I care about you more than anything. I know it hurt you that she didn't tell you. I know that it hurt the Victoria killed Charlie. I know it hurt that he left. I will always be there though, as long as you want me. I don't want you to feel like this. You will always have someone that cares about you, never doubt that."

I pulled our intertwined hands to my lips. "Can you make it stop," I asked referring to the pain. We came to a red stop light and he looked over at me. By the look in his eyes I knew what he was about to do. It worried me a little but I embraced it. He could take my pain away. He gently ran his finger tips down my cheek before cupping my face. I let my eyes shut as he pulled me closer to him. When our lips touched a small zap hit me as the pain evaporated. He kissed me slowly and I had never felt the way I did at that moment ever. Not even with Edward.

He pulled away just as the light turned green. I grabbed his hand again and relaxed into my seat. I freely let him know what I was feeling. He smiled over at me making my heart stutter. I smiled back before closing my eyes. I could still feel his lips on mine. For once things were still the same. We had kissed but neither of us was planning to get married tomorrow. This was just a small step that will bring us closer together. If that step meant a relationship that was more than just friendship then so be it. I hated feeling alone and with Jasper I knew I never would be.

**AN: Yeah didn't see that coming did ya. Thank you very much for the reviews. Please keep them coming. I'll have the next one up as soon as I can.**


	6. Breathe Today

**JPOV**

Once we returned to the house I escorted Renee and Phil to their bedroom with their belongings. Bella had all but run into the house once I pulled to a stop. I hadn't even had the time to shut off the engine. Her mother had no right to hide something of this magnitude from her. I understood completely why Bella was so upset. Even though she had a tough time with Edward she still deserved to know she would have a sister soon.

I wanted them to leave immediately but that would be rude. No, that wasn't true. I couldn't care less about being rude. I wanted to remove the glasses I was forced to hide my eyes behind and give Renee a real fright. It would show her to never upset my Bella again. I couldn't do that though because I was sure Bella would want to talk with her to solve things. When Bella and I got back to the car she felt such devastation I would have cried if I were capable of it. It pained me terribly whenever she was upset. Seeing her mother and step father was supposed to help her, though she wasn't nearly as upset with Phil as she was with Renee. I think if she still had her razor blade she would have put it into use.

I had been lost in the struggle rather to let her feel it or to numb her completely. I was frightened that she would want to start hurting herself again. I couldn't handle her being in pain, especially when she was the cause of it. When she asked me to remove her pain I had two choices and I chose the one that had been on my mind since Monday when I almost killed her again. Of course then I hadn't realized what my feelings were but I understood that I cared about her with all of my dead heart.

I couldn't believe I had kissed her though. Her taste was still on my tongue. Never in my immortal life had I ever felt the way I did right now. She was a human but she was so different. She was brilliant, accepting, caring, and she trusted me. I never thought I could fall for someone of the species I used to hunt. It was just something about her that made me want to hold onto her as long as she would allow. After all that she had been through I refused to let her be hurt anymore.

**BPOV**

The doctor had told me not taking my pills would have great affects on me. He told me to make sure I took it every day but I was stupid. I thought I wouldn't need it. Now I was going through the emotional whiplash that happened when I first started taking them. Before, it had taken me four weeks to adjust to my little blue pills. Hopefully since I had only stopped taking them for two weeks, I wouldn't have to go through all of that before they finally made me normal. Well maybe not normal but at least stable.

When I saw Renee I was instantly furious. That didn't last long until I was incredibly depressed. It went back and forth like there was a game of badminton on my insides. Finally I just sunk beyond both to feeling worthless. Jasper was there for me though, like always. I knew I had feelings for him but not to this magnitude. I sighed.

I still had to deal with Renee and my little sister. I couldn't believe she did this to me. I was her daughter for God's sake! She used to tell me everything but then Phil came around. I know I sounded like a spoiled brat that missed the attention but that really wasn't the case. Even if I had moved across the freaking country to give them space but I guess that meant nothing to them. I was there _way_ before Phil and she would be nowhere without me, nowhere. She couldn't even pay her own bills without being reminded repeatedly. I supposed now that she would have a baby girl soon she was just going to replace me. That was okay though. I didn't need her. Phil and her new kid could have her.

I jumped upright from my bed when my curtains swished.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said quietly. I laid back down next to him. I was still struggling to get use to his vampire speed. "How are you?"

"Do you have to ask," I teased lightly. It was a little forced but it still made a smile spread across his face.

"No I guess not. I left them in the bedroom you picked out for them. Phil said that they should probably rest for awhile before you two talked. Renee was really anxious."

"I don't know why I wanted them to come so much. I was better without them here. She shouldn't even be here anyway. She broke Charlie's heart and he never got over her. She doesn't deserve to be here!"

"Hey, hey. Calm down." He pulled me closer to him so I could snuggle closely to him. Everything about him made me relaxed without him even using his abilities. I never really noticed but there were a lot of things I never paid much attention to. "She shouldn't have done that but maybe she has a good reason. Hear her out before you let yourself get any angrier at her."

I breathed his scent in. "Fine but I need to start cooking. We have to be at the funeral home at 4:40 to make sure everything is perfect and to start greeting people. The service will start around 5 and that will probably last about two hours. So everyone will get here around 7:30. We need to make sure we leave after everyone but get here before everyone. I could cook tomorrow but I would be so worried about having to see Charlie again I would probably burn everything and I need things to be perfect."

I shut my eyes as his fingers began to glide through my hair. "I will help you cook whichever day you decide to but today would be the best to get most of it out of the way. Tomorrow won't be an easy day for you and I don't want you to have to worry about anythin'. I think that maybe I should go for a quick hunt nearby. All those bodies in one small place makes me nervous and even when they leave here I will still be able to smell them. I would wait until you were sleepin' of course."

That was unfair and he knew it. He let the southern slang freely flow because he knew it would make me weak. It wouldn't work though. I felt horrible about how insensitive I was. Jasper was a vampire and I was forcing all of these people at him to make my life easier. I prepped myself up on my elbow and stared down at him. I removed the glasses from his face and tossed them through the curtain onto the table. I hated when I couldn't see his eyes. No matter what their color they were still beautiful.

"I'm sorry," I murmured as I rubbed my thumbs under his eyes. His eyes weren't as bright red as they once were but if you looked closely enough there was no doubt what color they were. If he went out to hunt he would probably have a darker color so he wouldn't have to wear the glasses.

"What did I tell you before? Stop apologizing. It is my pleasure to help you in any way possible. Though…" His eyebrows crunched together causing a cute little wrinkle on his forehead. He usually did that when he was thinking about something. "With Victoria around I may just have to bare through it and wait for Emmett and Rosalie. I don't think I would be able to feed if I knew you were alone and defenseless, even if for only a few minutes. They were unsure when they would get here but don't worry, I can handle this."

"I know you can, Jazz. I never doubted you but if you're going to be in pain…" I didn't want him to be too far away. Even if I was angry with Renee and Phil I didn't want to risk them getting hurt because of me.

"Stop worrying. I will be fine. Please, just this once, put yourself first."

"I'll try," I said with a smile, not as forced as the one before.

Jasper face suddenly became serious. "Do you think dinner can be put off a little longer so we can talk?"

I bit my lip lightly. I knew where this was going and I didn't like it. I really wasn't sure if talking about the kiss would be a bright idea. I was at a standstill. Once again I was being split into two people. Part of me wanted to move further into my relationship with Jasper. The other part of me wanted to stay the way we were so I wouldn't get hurt. I didn't like being this indecisive especially when it came to Jasper. It was completely unfair but I could only compare him to my last relationship and after what Edward had done everything about relationships freaked me out. I wanted to be with Jasper but that other part of me was telling me to back off, to protect my heart. I was so confused.

"Calm down honey." He moved his hands in small circles on my back. It felt great, of course. There was something about his touch that always put me to ease. "I don't want to stress you out. I just want to know something."

"What?"

"Do you care about me?" I could see in his eyes that he was nervous about how I would respond. I wasn't exactly sure why he was asking. I knew his ability wouldn't tell him why I was feeling a certain way but I thought he would get the gist of it.

"You know I do."

"Do you like me?"

That question made me nervous. I had never really came out and told him what I thought about him. Of course the kiss in the car probably should have said it all. Either way, I decided to stall, hoping he would let it go.

"That's more than one thing."

He gave me a look. "Just answer it please."

I sighed. "Yeah, I like you."

"Do you still love Edward?"

Aw man! I knew this wouldn't go smoothly. I should have insisted on needing to get dinner started. Now things would just be awkward between us.

"Don't worry about upsetting me darlin. I just want to know what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours."

I looked away from his eyes and sat up. Jasper followed and wrapped his arm around me. "I do but it's different. I'm not in love with him but I do care about him too. Just not enough to wish I were still with him."

"Do you want to be with me?"

I leaned into him so he wouldn't see my face. "Yes, but I don't want to be hurt again."

"I'm not him," he said simply. "Do you think that we could ever be together?"

"Yes," I said without hesitating. I just needed time. Starting a relationship so soon after Charlie had passed just seemed so wrong to me. I wasn't exactly sure why. It was probably because I knew Charlie wouldn't approve. He had hated all of the Cullens for up and leaving. Being Edward's brother's girlfriend would not have sat right with him.

"We wouldn't have to rush. I just want a shot to be with you."

I smiled. "I think you have a pretty good shot."

"That's all I needed to know…Well and if I could have a kiss?"

I looked into his eyes. It was clear he was giving me a choice. I was free to say not but who in their right mind would do that? I softly placed my hand on the back of his head and pulled him down to me. Electricity shot through my body as our lips met. Never before had anyone made me feel this way. It was as though our souls were recognizing each other. I knew he was who I was meant to be with.

I had a feeling Jasper felt it to because he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his lap. The kiss was soft and slow. He still managed to go past one of Edward's boundaries, not that I was complaining. Being able to kiss him without being pushed away after a few seconds was great. He made me feel wanted instead of rejected. I was starting to think I fell in love with the wrong brother.

When Jasper finally broke away I was silently gasping for air. He lightly trailed his fingers down my cheek as he stared onto my eyes. His eyes told me everything I needed to know and more. His words were true, he did care about me. I would have to do some serious thinking once everything calmed down around here.

Jasper carried me down the stairs at vampire pace. I was nervous about Phil or Renee seeing this even if they were in their room. "You're worryin' again," he drawled making my heart flutter. "I haven't forgotten to act human but they're talking in their bedroom. I'd hear em if they were up and about."He placed me on the counter. "So, what are we cooking today?"

I bit my lip, vaguely noticing how Jasper's eyes followed the movement.

"I had mentally made a list of things to cook but now it just doesn't seem right. I was young when my grandmother passed so I don't really recall what I ate, not that my mind was on the food anyway. I don't want to make anything too complicated but not something that a five year old could make, you know? I was thinking about fish but some people don't eat it. I also considered burgers for a moment but that's too much like a 4th of July celebration instead of a serious grieving ceremony. I just want everything to be perfect but I don't want to overdo it."

Jasper placed a hand over my mouth to stop the rambling that was coming out. "Sweetheart everything will be perfect no matter what you cook. The house will be beautifully decorated and I grabbed a picture of Charlie before we left. I will blow it up and hang it somewhere so everyone can see it."

That caught my attention. "When will the decorations get here? You did say you called someone right?"

He placed his hands on my shoulders and let them slide to my hands which he held. "They will arrive tomorrow morning at 7a.m. You will still be resting so I will take care of everything. I will even make sure to mark the exit so nobody will get lost. When you no longer need my services I will drag the extra table and anything else we need from the basement. The only minor detail left is the food. Which is what we are going to take care of now, okay?"

I couldn't express myself in words. I leaned forward to kiss his lips softly. A big smile spread across his face. He rested his forehead on mine. "You make me feel human."

I giggled like a stupid high school girl with a crush…Wait that was me now. I was the stupid girl drooling over the good looking guy. At least the feeling was mutual plus he was a vampire. That just made everything better of course. I mentally rolled my eyes.

"Come on I need really big plates and a lot of containers and foil or plastic. Will there be enough glasses or ice for that matter? I should have bought ice. Damn it." I bit my lip once I realized I was talking too much again. I took a deep breath and tried to think clearly.

Jasper ran around the kitchen in a blur. I could see the cabinets opening and closing. Beautiful white and blue plates were displayed on the counter. On the island behind me glass containers began to pile up next to a role of plastic wrap. Jasper was suddenly standing in front of me in all of his vampire glory.

"Will that do, or do you want more?"

I smiled at him. "No I think this will be enough. Thank you Jazz."

"Not a problem Honey."

I went over to the massive refrigerator, only to feel really stupid when I noticed the water and ice machine on the door. All of this stress was not making me any smarter. I opened the double doors and stared into it. Jasper had expertly organized everything so it clearly visible and easy to get to. The previous menu left my mind and I decided to take a different approach. I pulled out all of the sandwich meat along with condiments and headed to the only clear counter left.

Jasper brought over a large oval plate and placed it beside the pile of meat. "I think having a variety is a good thing," he stated as he got the bread for me. "Is there anything I could do to help?"

"Well you could make the sandwiches so I could get the fish started," I suggested.

"Alright honey."

After the fish was frying I sat dropped down in a comfortable chair at the table. "Do you still love her?" I wasn't exactly thinking when I asked that. It just kind of slipped from my lips. I did want to know though. It was only fair for me to ask since he asked about Edward earlier.

"I am not sure. She broke my heart. I don't know if I feel what I once felt for her."

"Do you miss her?"

"Not really. She wasn't the best wife. It was embarrassing the way she would talk to mw in front of the family sometimes. I don't miss that."

"Do you want her back?" I whispered.

"No," he said quickly as he turned to face me. "I care about you now. She could never replace what I feel for you."

I smiled. "Okay. I was just wondering." I glanced passed him. "Wow. I guess having a vampire around is more useful than I would have imagined." Behind Jasper was a plate full of triangle shaped sandwiches underneath a layer of plastic. He had to make at least one hundred in fifteen minutes.

"Do you think I should make more?"

"No, I think that'll do it."

I should have called Billy to ask how many people he would think would show. I had already let him know they were all aloud on Cullen property to attend the dinner. He had fought me on having the dinner on the rez but there wasn't that much space in his house and people already expected to come here. Plus I wouldn't be able to bring Jazz and I knew I would need his support. He gave in quickly. I think it was only so he wouldn't have to upset me but I didn't care. I was getting my way and the post wake would be beautiful. I think Charlie would have really liked it.

"What else is there for me to do?" Jasper's voice tugged me from my thoughts.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," I told him. I didn't want to abuse his immortal speed for my advantage. "I'm sure you have better things to do then this."

"I don't mind and I like spending time with you."

"Oh, well you can make the dessert I suppose…"

"Good! There is this cake I learned how to bake and I really wanted to make it for you. I can make individual sizes so everyone can have even portions. I heard from the news that America was overweight and it was causing health issues. I could do some substituting so there will be fewer calories. Do you think that's a good idea?" he said enthusiastically

I just smiled up at him. He was more than I deserved. He pulled me from my depression, he helped me deal with Charlie's death, and he made me feel like there was someone else out there for me. I didn't want to admit it but I believe I was falling for him. I wouldn't tell him that. He would just think I was like the stupid girls from my school that fell in love with a different guy every day. I wasn't using him as a rebound either. I really cared about him and knowing that he felt the same way…

"What are you so happy about?"

I was startled to see Jasper standing over me. I was so spaced out that I hadn't even heard him get closer. He pressed his hand gently to my cheek. I grabbed it and pressed my lips to it. "You're too good for me." I held his hand in my lap.

"No darlin'. It is you that is too good for me." He pulled me to my feet. "Your parents are coming. Do you think I could maybe have another kiss really quick?" He gave me a wide eyed look that made my knees weak.

I smiled. "I think I've created a monster."

He playfully growled and lowered his lips to mine. The sound sent shivers down my spine. Every time we kissed I felt more positive that I wanted to be with him. My fear was lessoning every minute I was with him. We could talk about anything and there would never be an awkward. We would be perfect together, once I got over this little bump in the road.

Something in Jasper seemed to click because he suddenly got rougher, not that I complained. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and pulled me against his hard body. I locked my hands around his neck. I felt his scars beneath my fingertips but they didn't bother me.

Someone clearing their throat pulled us apart. I blushed when I realized Phil and Renee were watching us. Jasper released all of me besides my hand. "Uh hi," I said lamely.

"I think we should talk now."

I sighed. "Yeah I guess Jasper could show Phil to the TV. I'm sure some sport you want to watch is on."

Jasper looked up at them with a smile. It faded once they gasped. I had completely forgotten about his eyes. Thankfully he was quick when it came to lies. "I'm part albino," he said sheepishly. "With everything that has been happening I haven't had time to buy contacts." He hung his head.

"Could you be anymore insensitive," I snapped. "Stop staring at him!" I didn't care if it was just a lie. Jasper was still beating himself up for feeding on me and killing that family. He didn't need them reminding him of his slip ups.

"It's alright darlin'." He squeezed my hand before walking away from. "Come on Mr. Dwyer. I'm sure a baseball game is on."

"Great and call me Phil."

Renee walked over to me but I jumped up and went over to the fish I was frying on all six of the burners. I figured it was a good enough excuse for me to not have to be near her.

"So," Renee started awkwardly. I heard her drop into the chair I had vacated. "You and Jasper are cute. I'm glad to see you're happy."

"My father has just died. Yeah, I'm ecstatic," I said sarcastically. "Can we just skip the small talk?"

"Isabella I am still your mother and you will not talk to me that way."

I spun to face her. "Renee I will speak to you the way I want because I live here. You have no right to be here anyway and if you were my mother you wouldn't have hid _that_ from me!" I couldn't believe I had really said that. I mean I had always listened to her and respected her but I was angry right now.

The hurt was clear on her face but I couldn't seem to bring myself to feel bad. Though, I did feel a little bit calmer, thanks to Jasper. Sometimes I forgot he could hear everything.

"I'm sorry. I know I must have hurt your feelings by not telling you but I had a reason. You see there were complications from the beginning. I have eclampsia which the only way that can be cured is by the birth of the baby. I look really big but I'm only seven months. You see I wasn't sure if I would actually live through this. I found out I was pregnant when I was already three months into it. I hadn't gone to the doctor right away because I was afraid I was going through menopause. A little while later I found out I had preeclampsia but by the time they tried to cure it they were too late. They wanted to terminate the pregnancy but I loved the baby as much as I love you."

I focused on the fish so she wouldn't see my eyes swell with tears. Jasper was right I shouldn't have gotten so angry without knowing her reasons first. I had heard about preeclampsia in one of my biology classes but I knew eclampsia was far worse. She could have a seizure or slip into a coma. I couldn't believe she had gotten on a plane in her condition. That was unsafe for the both of them. I wondered what Phil thought about Renee's decision. She could still die because of this baby.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I said once I had composed myself.

She shook her head. "I should have told you but I didn't want to upset you especially after Edward. Speaking of, are you okay now? How long have you been with this Jasper guy?"

I knew the questions would come back on me. She told me everything so it was only fair that I returned the favor. "At first I was really messed up but Jasper returned home because he and his girlfriend broke up. We aren't exactly together but we have gotten really close. We're both a little anxious about taking the next step. He was there for me when I found Charlie. He helped me take care of everything."

"I don't think it will be long until you two get together. I saw the way he looked at you. That boy loves you."

I cringed at the L word. We had gotten this far without using that word. I didn't want to go that far. We weren't even a couple yet so I couldn't have possibly been in love with him. I cared a hell of a lot about him but that was too much. Not enough time had gone passed. I knew a lot about him but I didn't know everything. It wasn't exactly possible to know everything there is about one person but I still wanted to try. We had a lot of ground to cover before we could start exchanging the L word.

I briefly noticed how Renee had shifted the conversation away from her and my little sister. I wanted to know more, like how bad off was she and what are the chances of both of them surviving. I didn't ask though because as much as I wanted to know the answer, I really didn't. Sometimes the truth is just better left unknown.

"I'd rather not think that too far ahead. Right now we are just really close."

"Mhm," she said in a tone that made me know she didn't believe me.

"Yeah just don't stare at him anymore."

I continued to cook the fish. It took about an hour and a half. During that time we had caught up on everything we missed. Apparently she and Phil were permanently staying in a place in Florida. Phil finally accepted that he wasn't good at baseball and decided to have a stable job. I was glad that at least one of them was responsible. I explained to her briefly how my life had been since she last saw me. There was obviously enough for her to think about. She didn't need to worry about her crazy daughter too.

Thankfully the stove had six burners I could cook way more fish that way. Also, the inside was massive. I could probably fit 8 turkeys in there easy. I decided to call it quits after I had three large plates full of fried, bake, and marinade fish. The marinade kind was my own special recipe. It was the mixture of two other fish marinades and a bunch of extra herbs. I had made it for Charlie's birthday and he loved it. I covered them in plastic before putting in the fridge along with the sandwiches so I would have more room to work. There was a block of cheddar cheese and salami that I could cut to serve as appetizers.

"Jasper," I called. I really didn't need to yell consider he would have heard me in a normal voice. I had to think of him as a human and a human wouldn't hear me over as loud as the TV was. I think he was trying to give us some form of privacy. Or that was just how guys watched sports.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Where are the crackers?"

"They're in the pantry on the third shelf on the left."

"Thanks." I went over to find it was exactly where he said they were to be, of course. After giving it some thought I decided to wait until tomorrow to open the crackers. I didn't want them to go stale. The kitchen was larger than I was used to and I had no clue where anything was at. I didn't want to look stupid in front of my mom so I just called for Jasper again.

"Jazz," I called again.

"Yes, darlin'?"

I smiled; I loved when he called me that. "Where's the chopping board?"

"In the cabinet," he called back. I felt bad for him. He sounded so bored. I know watching humans play baseball had to fail epically in comparison to the way vampires did it.

"Which one?"

"The one above the stove."

I turned to see four above the stove. "Jazz?"

"Why don't I go join Phil and Jasper come in here with you? He doesn't sound to be enjoying baseball all that much."

I smiled gratefully at my mother. I had forgotten how observant she could be. Renee was gone for only a few seconds before Jazz was standing in front of me, chopping board in hand.

"Thanks." I grabbed a knife from the drawer and began with the cheese. "How was the game?"

"Incredibly bor-Hey!" He snatched the knife from my hands before I could slice my finger. "You gotta watch it darlin. I don't know if I could withstand you again." He moved me to the side so he could take over. I watched in amazement as he moved inhumanly fast to carve the cheese into perfect football shaped chunks. I highly doubted anyone would notice but I still appreciated how much he was pitting into this.

I was smiling as I went back to the pantry. There were fettuccini alfredo ingredients scattered on the shelves that took me a moment to find. Pasta and fish seemed like good dishes and they were Charlie's favorite. I should probably steam some vegetables too. As Jasper said before, America was overweight.

"Did you and Phil talk about anything?"

"He had a lot of questions at first but eventually the television caught his full attention. He kept yelling at it for some reason, as though he expected it to talk back. He was very strange."

I couldn't help but to giggle a little. He was just so weird. It wasn't his fault though so I couldn't make fun of him. When he was around me long enough he would get use to the nature of humans. Of course if things turned out well I wouldn't be the best example of human nature. I shut my mind off to that idea. I wasn't going to assume he would turn me. I couldn't set myself up for rejection again.

"What kind of questions did he have for you?"

"How were you dealing with the death? How long have we been together? What are our future plans? How angry were you about Renee and Elizabeth? Would you consider leaving me to move to Florida with them? Far too many questions."

I looked over at him with confusion all over my face. "What? They want me to move to Florida with them?"

Jasper placed the knife down and slowly turned to me. There was no emotion displayed on his face. It made me think of how he must have been when he was in the army. His hands were behind his back in the military stance. He looked like he was ready to take on anything and be able to handle it without a problem. I was anxious to what would come from his mouth next.

"Bella, would you like to move to Florida? If you do please let me know because I won't hold you back. I want you to be happy, even if that means you are away from me. I don't want to be the thing that keeps you here. I'll keep my distance from you if that will make things easier for you. I can give you money for the ticket and for anything else. Just ask and I'll give you anything."

I stood there staring at him, trying to figure him out. He was talking as though I wanted to move in with them. I didn't want to be away from him. We were just starting to make the transition to become more than just friends. I couldn't function correctly without him. Did he want to get away from me all ready? I wouldn't exactly be surprised considering I was always so emotional about everything and I was only a human. He was superior to me in every way.

I looked away from him and wrapped my arms tightly around my torso. I could already feel myself breaking. Jasper gathered me into his arms and I knew once again I had overreacted. My brain understood but my heart was still aching.

"I care very deeply for you and I would hate to not be with you but if that is what you want…"

I clung to him, wishing he would stop talking that way. "I want to stay with you Jazz. Anywhere else and I would be miserable."

"Are you sure? I won't guilt you into staying with me?"

"You're not. I belong with you."

I jumped when my side began to vibrate. Jasper pulled his cell phone from his pocket mumbling something about bad timing. "What Emmett," he snapped as a greeting.

I felt bad for putting him in a bad mood but to be fair he had made me have a mini panic attack. I was overly sensitive and he really should know this by now.

Their conversation didn't last too long. Most of it was spoken in vampire speed so I couldn't catch any of it. Jasper replaced his phone and said, "Back to where we were…"

"No I'm sorry about that. Can we just pretend that didn't happen?"

"I'd rather we didn't. I made you worry that I didn't care but I do. I hate that I keep upsetting you; I just don't want to hold you back. I have to remind myself that just because I have nobody left that doesn't mean you're in the same exact place as me."

"It really isn't your fault. The damn pills are to blame for most of it. I'm sorry I'm always emotional. I wish I could just get through one day without freaking out. I want to stay with you for as long as you'll have me."

"That's forever."

I smiled. "I don't know if that'll be long enough." I hugged him tightly; glad the serious moment was now over with. For a moment I had forgotten about the phone call. "What did Emmett want?"

"They will be here in the morning which is great. Rosalie will probably be able to think of something better than what I had in mind for decorations."

I hid my grimace. I really wasn't looking forward to having Rosalie Hale back in my life. She was such a bitch to me. I really didn't want her around when I would be grieving. Of course I didn't want anyone there, besides Jasper of course. I wonder what time I would be able to kick everyone out. I wasn't sure how much more human contact I could take. There was too much stress for me to take.

We continued cooking until it was time for dinner. Jasper cooked this strange type of spaghetti. It was somewhat spicy but extremely cheesy. It had onion, pepper, and tomato bits. I wished I had watched him more closely so I could copy him in the future. Dinner was a little awkward. Renee offered me a place with her but I instantly refused. She didn't seem all that surprised. She told me she wouldn't be able to fly back for my graduation because she would be too close to her due date. She admitted that it was risky enough to fly down when they had. I was started to think I had gotten my suicidal methods from her. She really wasn't taking any care of herself or my sister.

Once everything was cleaned up we all returned to our bedrooms. After a shower I got comfortable in my bed. Jasper came into my room after I tossed and turned for about half an hour. I gladly cuddled up to him.

"You could have called me," he murmured into my hair.

"I know but I didn't know if you were busy."

"I was just drawing you and I can spend all of eternity doing that."

I returned his smile and trailed my fingers down his arm. It made him stiffen a little. I think he might have forgotten that he was only in a wife-beater. His scars may have made him uncomfortable but they were kind of sexy in a way. It made him look more rugged and dangerous, not that he needed help in that department being a vampire and all. It still infuriated me to know that all of those stupid vampires had stuck their teeth into my Jasper and tortured him. He didn't deserve to be harmed ever. I gently placed feather light kisses on his perfectly sculpted chest before using him as a pillow. I felt the days exhaustion finally take its toll on me and pull me into a deep slumber.

**AN: Sorry that took forever but I had to rewrite the chapter twice because I wasn't sure it was good enough. The next chapter will bring in Emmett and Rosalie. Thanks for reading. Please review!!!**


	7. Lifeline

**JPOV**

She was just so warm and inviting. I could watch her sleep forever. Leaving Bella alone in that big bed was hard for me to do but I could hear the car coming up the drive. If they rang the doorbell they would not only wake my Bella, but wake her mother and Phil too. I needed the humans that didn't know of what I was to stay unconscious so I could rearrange the house. Bella wanted this to be perfect and it would be for her.

There were two guys that brought the flowers I ordered over. It took them an extra $100 to get the flowers in quickly and quietly. I paid another $100 to get them to hang a banner at the entrance. It was nothing fancy or over the top, just something so people would know where to turn. As soon as they were gone I ran around at vampire speed.

I dragged two long tables from the basement along with the matching chairs. Five of the chairs were broken to pieces but I doubted that there would be many people sitting anyway. I covered all of the tables with lacy white tablecloths. There was a small bouquet in the center of each table. The tables were easy to rearrange with as much space was in the living room. I barely had to move the couches. The picture of Charlie was placed where everyone could see it on the wall. I had even token the liberty to draw him myself. That picture would only be seen to the people that had to go through the hallway to get to the bathroom. Just because Bella liked my art work didn't mean everyone else would too.

There was a corner of the room that wasn't occupied by anything. I tried to think back to the wakes I had attended in the past. I was sure they still served alcohol at these things. I went down to the basement to look for another table. There weren't any more so I just grabbed a couple of bookshelves. I dragged them up along with some bar stools. Once I stood them side by side and covered them with a table cloth they looked like an actual bar counter. Now, if people wanted to drink their pain away they would be more than welcome to do so.

I was beginning to get nervous. Emmett and Rosalie were only a mile away. When Alice cheated on me I cut myself off from all of the Cullens. I just assumed they would go along with Alice. It would benefit them very much. With _Gabe_ I bet they wouldn't have to move more than necessary because he bit someone. He would keep Alice happy. He wouldn't ever bother anyone with his abilities. He wouldn't be a pain in the ass like I was.

Once we take care of Victoria I was sure they would be thrilled to go back home_. Gabe_ was the perfect brother that never did anything wrong or aggravating. I could never be that person.

I was the closest to Rose and Emmett. Rosalie was usually my twin in most of the places we lived so we had a lot of time to hang out to keep up the charade. She wasn't a mean person like most people saw her as. This life was never what she wanted and it took much from her. She had a right to be bitter sometimes. Emmett and I always wrestled. He was strong but I had years of experience in the wars. It always made Esme angry because we usually broke something. We also played video games when he got tired of me beating him. It was such a human thing but we never had those things as kids so we found them extremely fascinating.

Alice was their favorite though. She was Rosalie's shopping partner and Emmett's little fairy. If they had to pick it would be her which is why I left before they could reject me too. She had the ability that rarely bothered people. She could tell Rose when a new line of clothes were to be introduced or help Emmett out of the doghouse when he screwed up. All I could do was tell the other what they were feeling which they usually already knew. What good would any of that do?

The door opened and in came my brother and sister. Emmett tackled me to the ground making a loud thud. I sent a wave of exhaustion up to keep them asleep. I wrestled with Em for a bit before pinning him. He gave up and I released him. Rosalie was right there, grabbing me in a hug.

"I've missed you so much big brother. Nothing is the same without you."

There was a small ache in my back from how hard she was hugging me but I ignored it. I had missed my sister too. Emmett felt left out so he threw his arms around both of us.

"I missed you too man. When are you coming back? Everything is so boring now."

I took a step back once they released me. "I'm not coming back."

They were silent for a moment. For the first time since they came running in I held my head high. They gasped when they saw my eyes, tainted red. The disappointment flowed heavily, along with the sadness.

"You killed Bella," Emmett accused with a growl.

I glared at him. "Of course not! I slipped before I came back to her."

"Then where is she?"

"She's upstairs Emmett, along with her parents. They are all sleeping so keep it down." It hurt to know that he didn't believe me. I would never do anything to cause harm to Bella, especially if I was the cause.

"Did you take care of the bodies," Rosalie asked softly.

"Yes, I handled everything then came here," I paused. It wasn't really any of their business to know how torn up Bella had been but I didn't want them to upset her or cause her to have a setback in her progress. If they did I would ask them to leave early and deal with Victoria with the wolves.

"Bella was about to kill herself when I got here. Edward had really done some damage. She is on an anti-depressant and an anti- anxiety medication. It takes some time to take affect so she's been a little…emotional lately. The Victoria thing and Charlie's death hasn't helped a bit either. Not to mention Renee hadn't told her she was pregnant. Just be nice to her."

I gave them a minute to adjust it all. I knew it was hard to take in. When I first saw her I didn't want to believe our departure had done such a thing to her. I was just thankful she was better now. I would never treat her the way Edward had.

"We never should have left," Emmett said sadly. He cared deeply for Bella. She was his little sister.

"There is also more," I said hesitantly. I wanted Bella to be with me when I told them this but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Emmett would surely embarrass her or just say something insensitive. I would like to avoid that as much as possible.

"So the thing is…"

"Just say it Jasper," Rose pushed softly.

"Bella and I are making the transition to being a couple. She is still broken up about Edward and I haven't fully recovered from Alice but we are really great for each other. We've been helping each other through it all and I think I'm starting to fall for her."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I realized what I had said. Bella was there for me when I needed her. She knew me better than anyone I've ever known. I cared deeply about her but was really in love with her. The thoughts were in my head but I couldn't make sense of them. Bella and I spending the rest of eternity together looked really good but that shouldn't have been the case. We hadn't even officially become a couple yet and of Bella decided not to, we never would. That very thought made me hate not being able to see the future.

A hard shove to the chest had me flying across the room. I had to catch myself from crashing into the decorated table. I snapped my head up to see Rosalie glowering at me with her teeth bared ever so slightly. Anger was flowing freely in my direction. It made my chest ache. Emmett, wide eyed from what he saw his wife do, quickly wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Calm down Rosie,"

"Don't tell me to calm down," she snapped. "He is just like Edward. Why can't you guys just leave her alone? She is just a human. Find someone of your own species! She wouldn't have vampires chasing after her if she were with a human. If you really care about her you will leave once Victoria is dead."

Her words were like fire against my skin. I knew their visit couldn't have possibly turned out well. My own sister wanted me to break up with Bella. She even compared me to Edward. I wasn't like him in the slightest. I would never do anything to cause my Bella distress of any kind. We just found each other, I wasn't letting her go.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I do care deeply for Bella so I will stay with her for as long as she wants me and if that's eternity then so be it. I will destroy any vampire that tries to harm her, like Victoria. We didn't ask for your help, you offered. If you don't approve of us then you can leave and I can handle her with the help of the wolves."

Rosalie stared me down for a moment before sighing. "Fine but before anything is decided I will tell her my story. She deserves to know how much she will lose. If it were me, I would want someone to vote no for me."

I sighed too. The end of Rosalie's life had been a horrible thing as she had told me. All the things she had wanted had been ripped away from her. Carlisle had always felt a little guilty for damning her to our world when she would so much rather be dead. Emmett hated knowing his wife and mate didn't want this. He loved everything about being a vampire. It hurt his feelings when she said things like that. He would probably do anything to give her a baby and a normal life. To think that Bella could be just like Rosalie made me think this could end terribly.

"Fine Rosalie, but only if you are nice to her. She thinks you hate her so be on your best behavior."

"Of course brother."

"You should go hunt. The color will fade a little. We can watch over Bella for you."

I was hesitant to leave Bella with Rosalie. She could be a bit forceful at times. Of course the way Bella has been behaving lately I was sure she could handle her. Emmett would keep Rosalie in check though, hopefully.

"Alright. I'll hunt nearby so I won't be gone for long. Don't forget Bella's parents don't know what we are so behave Emmett."

He scoffed. "I wasn't even going to do anything."

"Of course not," I said sarcastically as I left the house. I really hoped they behaved themselves.

**BPOV**

I woke up to an empty bed and a freezing body. It was weird but I was always warmer when I slept with Jasper. I wondered where he was until I realized it was a little after eight o'clock. He was probably still downstairs decorating the house for the post wake. Butterflies were rushing in circles on the inside of my stomach. Today I would see Charlie again but this time he wouldn't be covered in his own blood and clawed open. He would look pale and lifeless. I didn't want to see him again but I didn't want his bloody corpse to be the last image of him in my head. Tomorrow I would say goodbye to him for good at the funeral. I wasn't sure how to do that but I would just have to figure it out, I suppose.

I grabbed a robe from the bathroom and wrapped it around me before going downstairs. The living room looked wonderful of course. Everything was set up in a way I never would have been able to do.

"Jazz," I called.

"He'll be back later," a female voice said. I spun to see the beautiful Rosalie Hale. "Hello Bella."

Before I could respond I was being engulfed by my massive teddy bear. "Bella! I've missed you so much little sister."

I hugged him back until I couldn't breathe any longer. "Hey Emmett. Where did Jasper go?"

"Jeeze! You've seen us one whole minute and you're already in a rush to get back with Jasper. You must really love him to try to blow off _me_."

I laughed as my face heated up with a familiar blush. "I wasn't blowing you off. I just want to know where he went."

"Hunting," Rosalie answered. I was surprised she hadn't insulted me yet. She wasn't even glaring at me. I wonder what Jasper had to do to make her be nice.

"Oh alright then. I'm glad you guys are here."

"Of course we're here Bella. We wouldn't miss something like this. I'm really sorry about Charlie." He hugged me again but softly this time.

"Thanks Em."

"Is there anything I can do to help? I can clean or cook?"

I felt my lips twitch slightly. "You can cook?"

"Yes, Jasper and I went to Culinary School together."

"Jasper can't make toast," I stated remembering the first day he attempted to cook me anything.

Emmett grimaced. "Yeah well that was apparently something everyone should know so they didn't teach that. I can make you something else for breakfast though. Does blueberry pancakes and sausage sound good?"

"Yes, that'd be great."

He rushed into the kitchen leaving me alone with Rosalie. I really wish Jasper were here with me. Hopefully he wouldn't take too long to hunt. I needed him.

"Bella, may I speak with you?"

The question caught me off guard. What could she possibly want to talk to me about? "Sure." I went over to sit down with her right behind me.

"Jasper told us how close the two of you have become. If things keep going this way then you will naturally start to think about becoming one of us. Jasper is nothing like Edward as you may have realized. He would never leave you the way Edward had. Alice really hurt him but I know you are more than a rebound to him. I could hear it in his voice when he talked about you. He cares very deeply for you which lead me to believe that there are some things that I should tell you."

"Okay." I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to respond to this. Was this the part where she threatened to kill me if I didn't stay away from Jasper? Emmett wouldn't allow her to of course but she had many things to threaten me with. Phil, Renee, and my little sister were upstairs after all.

She took a deep breath and explained to me how she was brought into this world. My eyes burned with tears as she told me of her fiancé, Royce King II. Words didn't express how disgusting that man was. I was glad she killed him, he deserved it. It was terribly sad that she didn't get the little boy or white picket fence lifestyle she wanted. She ended her human life in such a horrific way and she wasn't even able to get the one thing she wanted most. I guess no matter how beautiful you were terrible things still happened. In the end though, she was rewarded with one thing; Emmett. He loved her unconditionally and even if they couldn't have children they were still perfect together.

"This life is not glamorous. So much has been taken away from us. You humans can have anything you want which is why you should stay that way. You may love Jasper but there are humans that you could have a normal life with"

"I appreciate what you are trying to do Rosalie but I don't want a normal life. I want to be with Jasper. He understands me and we have this connection that doesn't make any sense but we're perfect for each other," I insisted. The more I talked about it the more I realized it was true. Jasper and I were perfect as friends so in an actual relationship we would be made for each other.

"You may think that now but things will get harder."

"I understand that you must think this is just a simple crush but this is much more. Jasper and I can feel each other. I can block my emotions from him and I can control his. Could Alice do that?"

She looked surprised by this. "No, she could not."

"We are really close to each other that we can share his ability. I know I can't have children but honestly I never wanted them. I wouldn't even know how to take care of them. All I need is Jasper and I will be happy."

She sighed. "I didn't really think I could change your opinion. I just wanted you to be informed."

"And I thank you for it but really this conversation may not have even been necessary. I don't even know if Jasper would want to spend eternity with me."

"He does. I could tell."

"Bells breakfast is ready," Emmett called.

Done with our conversation, we went into the kitchen. I realized Emmett offered to cook to leave Rosalie and I alone to cook. I probably should have seen that coming. What other reason would he leave me alone with Rosalie?

"Emmett, humans don't eat this much," I said as I took in the site before me. There was a plate in the center of the table stacked with at least 15 very wide pancakes. Beside it were a bowl full of sausage links and a bowl full of fried eggs. It all smell delicious but there was so much of it.

"I know. Phil and Renee are about to come downstairs. According to TV, pregnant people feel as though they can eat for two even if in reality that is unhealthy toward the baby and athletes need to keep their strength up so they need a lot of food."

Vampires would be the world's best nutritionist for humans.

Emmett had three tall glasses of orange juice on the table before Phil and Renee walked in. By their expressions I realized I had forgotten to tell them they were coming.

"Guys this is my mother Renee and her husband Phil. This is Emmett and her girlfriend Rosalie. They are Jasper's adopted brother and sister. They came back for the funeral."

Renee didn't look happy about this. She probably blamed them for my zombie mode as much as she did Edward. She put on a fake smile though and shook their hands. "It's nice to meet you."

"I cooked breakfast," Emmett offered.

Renee's eyes widen as she quickly made herself a plate. Yeah, I could do without being pregnant. As we sat down to eat Emmett and Rosalie excused themselves saying they ate already. Renee was practically drooling over Emmett's cooking. Phil didn't say anything but he was shoveling food down his throat as quick as he could chew. There was very little conversation besides asking where Jasper was. I lied and said he was making last minute plans at the funeral home. After the three of us finished off the breakfast I pushed Renee and Phil to the living room so I could do the dishes in peace. I was sure Emmett would keep them entertained.

A feeling of dread appeared in my stomach. I gripped the sink to keep myself up. It had come out of nowhere and I wasn't sure why it was there. I felt anxious and afraid. I inhaled deeply, trying to keep myself from collapsing. The feeling was so strong and sudden. This wasn't something I was feeling. There was something wrong with Jasper.

Focusing on the emotional attack I tried to block it. It wasn't something that came easily to me. I wasn't even sure how to do it exactly but soon my emotions went back to normal. I pushed myself from the counter and rushed to the back door. Jasper was already coming through it.

He didn't say anything but he pulled me into his arms. I could smell the scent of woods on his clothing. I ran my fingers softly through his hair. He pressed his face into my neck and inhaled deeply. He was mumbling something but I had no idea what.

"Jasper, what's wrong?"

"I almost did it. They were just lying there. It must have been Victoria. She was probably watching me. They were dead. I wanted to feed so badly but I didn't for you. I didn't want to upset you."

"Shh," I breathed softly. "Calm down. What happened?"

"While I was put hunting I ran across two dead bodies. Only one of them one completely drained. There was still a little left in the other. I think they were campers. Victoria must have fed from them and tossed them there. It was far too sloppy to be done on accident. She wants them to be found. It was a message. We need to start hunting her down."

The feeling of dread returned. This was my fault. If I just let Victoria kill me three people would still be alive. I wasn't worth anyone's life. This had to end.

Jasper's low growl filled my ear. "You are mine. She can't have you."

I liked the sound of that but there were so many people dying.

"I would rather the whole world die then lose you."

I sighed. "Are you reading my emotions or my mind?"

He pulled back to look at me. His eyes were brown now with only a few speckles of red. "We just got together. I refuse to have you taken away from me now." I leaned up and kissed him. When I pulled away he returned to hugging me. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. I could have returned quicker but I wanted to look for Victoria. She wasn't anywhere near her so it will be safe for everyone to be here."

I pulled away again. "You went after her by yourself. Why would you do that?"

"I told you about the wars I've been in and you still undermined my fighting abilities. I'm hurt."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't care how good you are. I'm still going to worry about you. How could I not?"

He smiled. "I guess that's fair. How was your morning so far?"

"Um…"

I wasn't exactly sure if I wanted to share about my morning. The talk with Rosalie just didn't seem like something I should be telling him about. I mean I wasn't agreeing with her or anything but she had a point. I would lose a lot, but I would be gaining Jasper and that was more that worth it.

"Rosalie spoke to you," he guessed.

"Yep."

"She gave you a lot to think about then." He looked down at the floor to avoid my eyes. It was kind of offensive that he thought I would dump him for human life. I cared about him. If I had to die to be with him then I was okay with that.

"Nope."

He graced me with another smile and wrapped his hands around mine. "Okay then."

We went into the living room with the rest of the family. Emmett and Phil were playing video games while Renee and Rosalie were discussing the baby. Jasper and I just silently curled up together on the couch. We talked softly to each other about simple things like our lives as children, music, and our taste in art. We kept everything light and careless. It was always so easy to talk to Jasper.

Around 1 Jasper left me to go make the desert that he had been dying to make me. After Emmett heard that he was going to cook desert he felt like betting. He bet a thousand dollars that he could make a better dish than he could. Renee and Phil thought it was a joke until they pulled their wallets out. Now, two thousand dollars was sitting on top of the entertainment stand as they went against each other in the kitchen. It was nice to see Jazz so happy.

Rosalie played some shooting game with Phil as Renee and I talked. Her life was still as chaotic as usual. She was in a yoga class for pregnant people back home. She quit her Pilates and Tybo class when she realized doing all three in a week was unconventional. Now after yoga she had an art class. I told her about Jasper's art and she was eager to see some of his creations. I hoped he wouldn't mind me telling her but he was really good.

After an hour I decided it would probably be alright if I got dressed. I went up to shower and wash my hair. My hair was one thing I hadn't thought about. How did one style a hair for a wake? I didn't want to curl it because that was too prom. I didn't want to put it up because that doesn't seem like I was going to an event that meant anything. I sighed. I honestly didn't care what my hair looked like. The only one whose opinions counted was Jasper and he saw me when I was suicidal so I didn't care.

For a moment I considered applying makeup but I highly doubted Charlie would mind if my face was bare. I dried my hair and dragged a brush through it a few times. When it was relatively straight I went over to the closet where my wake outfit was at. Once I dressed I stared at myself in the three way mirror. I thought I looked alright, not like I was torn up inside. People would look at me and think I was handling it well. So maybe all of the pity looks would be at the bare minimum. Though, the accusing looks would be at a high. They all thought I was sleeping with Jasper instead of grieving, or they thought I was using him as a tool for grieving. I never really understood the people in this town, or anywhere.

"You look great. Not like you're trying too hard and not like you don't care at all. It's a good balance, right in the middle."

I looked up to see Rosalie standing in my doorway looking as gorgeous as ever. She was wearing a beautiful black turtleneck sweater dress. She had her feet buried in black knee high boots that made her look even taller. Her blonde hair was in natural waves that framed her face. She looked liked those women in the Prada magazines Alice used to love forcing me to look at.

"Thank you," I said as I slipped my feet into my shoes.

"Wow. You're willingly going to wear heels."

"I haven't been falling as much as before and I figure if I do trip Jazz will catch me." The shoes were only three inches tall so I figured I could handle it. Of course it didn't hurt that I had practiced walking in them.

"You two are really cute together," she said softly.

I met her eyes. "Not that I mind but why are you being nice all of a sudden. You were really mean to me when I was with Edward but now that I'm with Jasper you haven't said anything rude yet. Is it because you guys are close and you don't want to upset him or because I was less opinionated then?"

She shifted her weight to her other foot in a very human movement. "May I come in?"

"Yes." I moved over to the chase that was in the corner of the room and dropped into it. Rosalie settled into the chair across from me.

"I never had anything against you Bella, just your choices. I told you how I never wanted this world. I always thought you were throwing your life away and honestly if you were still with Edward I would still think that. He didn't treat you the way you deserved to be. He was obsessive and controlling and nobody needs that. Jasper treats you as his equal. And yes, I do like the more opinionated Bella."

I was touched by her words. Edward was never right for me. Now that it was over I understood that. At the time though, I just loved that someone that wasn't a creep was interested in me. Edward had been controlling though. Whenever he didn't get his way he pouted about it and complained. At times I thought it was cute but it got annoying after awhile.

"Yeah, you have a point."

"I just want us to try to be friends since one day you'll probably be my sister."

The thought brought a smile to my face. "I would like that."

We went downstairs where everyone was in their wake attires. Renee had managed to find a dress that fit over her belly. She looked beautiful. I wished we were going somewhere else instead of a viewing. I sighed and looked for Jasper. My heart skipped and by the smile on his face he heard it. He was in black straight pants and a simple button up shirt. He was ridiculously beautiful, vampire or not. He walked over and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"It'll be okay," he said softly. Sometimes it was great to have your boyfriend know what you are feeling. He never had to ask what was wrong or if I needed anything. He already knew. I was very thankful for it. He kissed me softly on the forehead. "Rosalie and Emmett will leave the service early so they can come back here and set the food up. If we do it now, nothing will be at the right temperature."

I nodded. I hadn't even thought about that. For the first time today I realized a table with barstools at it. I gasped. There was another thing I hadn't thought about. Jasper, noticing where I was looking, said, "We forgot to buy liquor."

Renee cleared her throat. "Excuse me?"

"It's not for us," I told her, "but liquor should be served at wakes."

"How were you going to buy it? You're only 18."

"I'm 21," Jasper told her.

That didn't make the situation any better.

"You're that old and you are dating a child!" She was being a hypocrite. It wasn't like Charlie and Phil were the exact same age as her.

"Mom I am legally an adult and I don't have to ask you permission for who I can date. That isn't even what we were talking about. We need to get the liquor." I stressed. Renee was about to continue her rant but Phil stopped her. I ignored them as they began speaking softly speaking to each other. The matter of the alcohol wasn't what had me upset. It was the fact that I had managed to forget something. I just wanted this day to be perfect since it would be one of the last things I would do for Charlie.

"Calm down darlin. We have some time before the wake we can go pick some up."

"Are you sure? We can't be late Jazz."

"I know and we won't be. We can pick it up and Emmett and Rose will bring it back here."

"Yeah Bells we'll handle it. We would go buy it but my dish is still cooking. Perfection takes time."

Jasper scoffed. "He would be done but he burned the first batch. Do me a favor and stay away from his food."

Emmett crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. He looked like an oversized little boy. "I haven't cook in a very long time. I had to get back in the flow. Mines will still whoop yours."

"Sure Em," Jasper replied with a cocky smile.

It made me happy to see the two of the joke around like this. I knew Jazz had missed this brother so this was definitely good for him. I was getting him over the break up but he still needed a little help to get his self esteem built up. When he won Emmett's little bet he would feel really great about himself and I was sure he would win the bet. Emmett's breakfast had been nothing compared to Jasper's. I was actually looking forward to eating all of the food we had cooked up. Food would make me feel better, and if not I was sure there would be some left over alcohol.

We left without a fight from Renee. I think she was hormonal from the pregnancy. Normally she wouldn't throw a fit over so small, especially since she was the first one to give me a glass of wine. The age thing was also ridiculous. Just looking at Jasper and she had t o know he wasn't in high school. Though, if he could fake every school he has ever attended then of course he could fake Renee.

Jasper had to go into the liquor store without me since I was underage. He was hesitant about leaving me alone but I insisted that this was really important. After smelling the air and looking around he was sure Victoria was nowhere around and ran into the store. I giggled a bit because he looked like he was about to rob it.

I was a little uncomfortable being alone in the open. There were very few other people here. It was Forks after all. I turned on the radio to drown out the silence. It was on a news channel. The words the man was saying made chills run down my spine.

"Earlier this afternoon, two bodies were found in the woods. Their identities are unknown as of late. One was a female with black hair and a fair skin tone. The other a male was African American with black hair. They were both in her early to mid twenties. It is assumed that they were married by the wedding rings that were on their fingers. They seemed to have been camping when they were attacked by a large animal, suspicions say a wolf. Their bodies were terribly scarred. We will have more on this update when we have more information. In later news…"

I pushed the button to turn the radio off. Silence didn't seem all that bad anymore. I was starting to question if it was really Victoria that had killed those people. According to Hollywood, werewolves fed off of human flesh. Maybe Victoria hadn't done it. Jasper had said it was sloppy for a vampire.

A tapping on the window made me scream. I looked over to see my old friend Jacob Black. I blushed for being so jumpy and got out of the car. The man that stood before me was not the little kid I use to hang out with. He had changed so much since I last saw him. All of the silky black hair he once had was gone. It was unnatural how tall and muscular he were to be only 16. He reminded me of Sam Uley. Could he have possibly have been a werewolf?

"Hey Bells. Sorry to scare you. We were on the way to the wake and saw you sitting here."

I looked behind him to see who he was with. Across the lot Billy was in Jacob's Rabbit staring at us. The last time I had seen the car it was just scrap metal. I wondered when he had finished it.

"Come on Bella. I know we haven't hung out in awhile but can I at least get a hug?" I turned back to see Jacob giving those puppy dog eyes.

I smiled and threw my arms around his waist. I quickly gasped and jerked away from him. He was burning hot, just like Sam. "You're a…" I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

His face hardened into a scowl. "What did that bloodsucker tell you?"

"Nothing," I stammered.

He scoffed. "Then why are so afraid of me?"

I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. "Well, you eat people right?"

"What? Is that what that bloodsucker told you?"

"No and stop calling him that."

He shook his head and mumbled something about too much TV. "We are called the protectors Bell. Why would we protect people if we are only going to eat them?"

"Oh," I said lamely. That was a good and a bad thing. Good because one of my very good friends wasn't a monster. Bad because it meant Victoria was the killer which meant I had caused a married couples death. "I'm sorry Jake."

"Don't worry about it. Look I uh, I'm sorry about Charlie. How are you doing?"

I only heard the question once today and I was already tired of it. I guess I would have to get use to it because I was about to face over one hundred people soon.

"I'm fine. The whole Victoria thing isn't helping though."

"Victoria? Is that the red haired leech? She is fast. We've been after her for awhile now but she keeps dodging us. Since we are only allowed to cross the border today it's impossible to catch her."

"If you are willing to wait until the post wake is over we can disgust the boarders then," Jasper said as he slid his arms around my waist. Jacob frowned as he did so. I really hoped he still didn't have a crush on me. That would really make things awkward.

"I'll talk to Sam about it."

Ha! I knew Sam was a werewolf.

"Good. Now we must be leaving or we will be late," Jasper said formally.

"See you later Jake," I said as I opened the door.

"Yeah, see you." He jogged over to where Billy was still watching. I blew it off and got into the car.

"I leave you alone for five minutes and the wolves descend."

I ignored him and started rummaging through the bags. I didn't know much about this stuff but I was pretty sure it was all expensive. There were a few familiar names like Jack Daniels, Jose Cuarvo, and Smirnoff. There were more that I had never heard of in my life like Jaguar, Plymouth Gin, and Grey Goose. I would love to know how they name their products. In another bag there were bottles of red and white wine. I was confused when I looked in a bag to see nothing but Monster and Red Bull energy drinks.

"Uh Jazz, you know these aren't liquor right?"

He smiled. "Yes, I know. It's for the people that can't handle their liquor without something to take the bite out of it."

"You use to drink a lot didn't you?"

"Yep! That was the only way we could celebrate in the army."

I just shook my head. I bet anything I would catch him drinking a shot, even if he couldn't get drunk. I wondered why he had bought so much. We weren't trying to make anyone drunk, just tipsy enough to not care anymore. It didn't matter though. If we had a bunch left over I could just get Emmett to drink it.

**JPOV**

If I didn't get out of here soon I was going to burst. The ceremony was finally over but we had to wait for everyone else to leave. In the beginning I knew I would have trouble being here. Everyone was so full of remorse or pity. It was disgusting. I felt like I would be sunk into a dark whole at any minute. Humans felt far too much for their own good, or mine.

When we got there I had to stand by Bella's side as she greeted people. There were several problems with that. Bella was a bundle of nerves when we first arrived. I think it finally sunk in that she was about to see him because her eyes were red and rimmed with tears. Everyone saw so their emotions were magnified by her pain. I couldn't even use my power to soothe her because there were so many people clogging it up.

People were far too touchy in this town, especially the old people. They didn't just hug Bella, but me as well. Humans were supposed to shy away from us but all of they kept hugging me. And none of them even knew me! I know times had changed but that was just not proper. It made my throat burn like crazy. Their blood was pumped up with all of that medication making it smell even sweeter. It was pure torture.

When we finally got inside it got worse. All of those people locked into a small space with their emotions being absorbed by me. I now knew how it felt to drown. I tried not to let it show because Bella didn't need the extra stress. I was silent throughout the whole ceremony though. We sat in the front row in perfect view of the body. I had seen many dead bodies, most of which I had caused them to be only bodies. Bella on the other hand had only seen her grandmother but she was far too young to truly remember. I held her hand since that was the only thing I could do at the moment. I was envious of Emmett and Rosalie because they got to leave early. I wish I could but Bella needed me and I wouldn't leave her.

Finally I shook the last hand and everyone was leaving. We walked hand in hand back to the car. The emotions simmered down until it was only Bella's I could feel, which was how it was meant to be. Now we would have 15 minutes to ourselves until we had to get back to the house where it would all start over again. I wrapped my arms around Bella and breathed her sent in. Her blood soothed the ache that all the others had caused.

"I'm sorry you had to sit through that," she whispered.

"Don't be darlin. I'd do anything for you."

"I know but if you want to avoid the post wake you can just drop me off…"

I cut her off with a kiss. Her lips were so warm and soft against mine. I pulled her tighter against my body. The disgusting scent of wet dog had finally faded off her. I ran my fingertips down her spine. She let out a shiver of pleasure before pulling away.

"I'm not going to leave you in the swarm of all those people, especially if Mike Newton is there."

She smiled. "Alright then we need to go."

"If we must," I sighed and opened her door. Too quickly we were on the road speeding back to my house.

**AN: Soooo what do you think? I love and appreciate all of the reviews. Thanks a bunch! I'll have another up soon.**


	8. Your Disease

**BPOV**

When we pulled into the driveway there were already a few cars there, mostly police cruisers. I felt bad about putting Jasper in this environment again. Throughout the whole service I could feel his discomfort and pain. Never once did he leave or release my hand. He stayed with me and held me through the pain. I couldn't have possibly have been anymore grateful. Seeing Charlie was disturbing. He was so pale and cold. It was true about how the dead look like they're sleeping. For awhile I was just waiting for him to open his eyes and ask for a beer. Only after half an hour of waiting had I truly accepted that would never happen and the water works began.

I stared at the fully lit up house. More and more people were coming the longer we sat there. I didn't want to go in as much as Jasper didn't. I knew most of the people but there were a few that I didn't and it was awkward hugging strangers as they cried on your shirt. I was incredibly uncomfortable with them all touching me and asking me questions. I honestly just wanted to have an empty house with Jasper and a bottle of Whiskey he bought. Or a razor blade but there was no chance in hell Jazz would let me have that.

Jasper traced his fingers along my hand. He watched me silently as I debated just skipping this whole thing. If they had all found the bar nobody would even notice. Unfortunately I couldn't ditch no matter how bad I wanted to. I felt obligated to mingle among my father's friends and pretend that I was alright, not that I was more upset because I had to do this. I just hoped this wouldn't last long. Would it be rude of me to start kicking people out in an hour? I mean I was grieving. I needed my space.

With a sigh, I unbuckled my seatbelt. Before I could open my door Jasper was there. "You have to act human remember?"

He glanced around. "There is nobody out here. Don't worry. I've been faking it for a few decades now. "

I smiled a little but it didn't feel right on my face. He pulled me into his arms. A normal smile spread across my face when I felt his ability work its magic on me. He showered me in pride and confidence. With him by my side I knew I would be able to get through this night, without the help of my little shiny silver blade.

We slowly went into the house packed full of people. I really was unaware Charlie knew this many people. It was like the whole population of Forks was here and then some. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the feast we had cooked up which made me a little happy. I had worked too hard for no one to eat it. I was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic until Jasper pulled me into the kitchen. There wasn't anyone occupying that space since all of the food was lined up in the living room.

"I was thinking that maybe you would like to speak to your friend Angela. She seemed nice enough and you haven't really had the time to talk to her." I stared at Jasper in amazement. It never seized to amaze me by how much he understood me. "I'll go get her," he said as he felt my emotions. He pressed his lips lightly to my hand and quickly walked out of the room.

I ran my hands threw my hair and tugged a little. The sharp pain eased my troubled mind for a moment. Thoughts of Jasper made me realize what I was doing. He couldn't leave me alone for a second without me losing control a little. I breathed in deeply to try to calm myself. The sack on the counter caught my attention. It seemed that Emmett and Rosalie had left some alcohol behind. I made my way over to the bag.

Looking in it I hadn't a clue what any of it was. It didn't matter. I just knew I wanted some. By what I seen on TV Smirnoff didn't get you terribly wasted to the point where you were dancing on tables. It would just give me a buzz which was all I wanted. I needed to feel a little numb right now.

With a six pack in hand I dropped into a chair at the table. The top didn't want to come off at first. When I finally got it off it fell to the floor. I would get it later. Curious I sniffed the bottle. The smell of liquor mixed with apple burned my nose. I checked out the label that read _Smirnoff: Twisted Green Apple. _I felt more comfortable knowing that the taste would resemble the fruit I loved. Hesitantly I took a sip. There was no fire in my throat or a strong desire to vomit so I kept chugging it. Before I even realized it the bottle was empty. I was surprised at myself but that didn't stop me from snatching up another bottle.

I glanced up when I heard the kitchen door slide open. Angela looked totally surprised to see me drinking. Jasper looked as though he expected it which being an empath he probably knew I would be doing this before I did. Angela joined me at the table while Jasper left to give us some privacy. I held out a bottle for her. She stared at it hesitantly for a second. I was going to drop it, I wasn't going to peer pressure her, but she grabbed it before I could.

"I really hope my parents don't walk in here," she said nervously.

I smiled around the neck of the bottle as I swallowed more of the intoxicating liquid. That was one of the things about Angela that I really loved. She didn't immediately ask me how I was. She didn't patronize me for drinking illegally. She didn't even ask how it had happened like Jessica or Eric would have. She just sat with me and let me simmer in my misery. If that wasn't a true friend I didn't know what was.

"You're safe. Jasper knows all of the people were getting on my nerves. He won't be letting any of them in here." And without even asking him to I knew he would. That was just how great a boyfriend he was. Which was the subject of Angela's following question.

"If you don't mind me asking, are you two a couple now?" She sipped delicately on the liquor as I moved on to my third bottle. I could feel how my stomach was starting to become unsettled but I ignored it.

"Yeah, pretty much. He came back the day before Charlie _died_." I struggled to say the word but a big gulp of Twisted Green Apple had me feeling better. "We really bonded. Alice left him for another guy so he was feeling very unwanted as was I. That wasn't our only connection though. We have so much in common it's surreal. It's only been a few days but he's there whenever I need him and I know he's Edward's brother but…" I realized I was rambling and cut myself off. I had been thinking it for some time now but just because it sounds good in my head didn't mean it did out loud.

"You're falling in love with him," she answered looking at me with an understanding look in her eyes. I shook my head sadly. "It's not wrong for you to feel that way. Edward left you and Jasper came back. Even with everything that has happened I can see how happy you get when you talk about him. With Edward you looked happy too but it's different with him. I think he may be the one for you."

I felt my cheeks heat up despite the affects I was beginning to feel from the liquor. "I feel even worse though because I feel as though I should be depressed all of the time because of Charlie."

"Charlie would want you to move on and be happy."

I knew she was right which was why she was my best human friend. She always knew the right things to say. "Thanks Ang. Of course you would know about being happy. How are you and Ben doing?"

She lowered her head but I could still see the pain on her face. "Ben broke up with me last week. We were going to separate colleges and he didn't think we could have a long distance relationship."

I could hear how upset she was in her voice. Suddenly I hated Ben, even if his reasons were logical. To be dumped after having a relationship going so great was the ultimate slap in the face. If things were going bad you knew it was coming but he had to just throw it at her. Graduation was only a few weeks away. Angela had known what college she was going to since last year. Ben shouldn't have kept things going if he knew he wouldn't want to take things all of the way. I understood it was high school and relationships rarely lasted but that didn't stop the hurt.

I silently passed her another bottle. She silently thanked me and we continued to chug our drinks. Angela jumped when the kitchen door opened. It was only Jasper. Being a preacher's daughter this had to be the worst thing Angela has ever done. I felt kind of bad for being a bad influence but she could use this just as much as I could.

"Hey Jazz." I stood up and wavered a little. Jasper was there to study me.

"Are you drunk," he asked with an amused look on his face.

I scoffed. "No. I only had three, or four. I don't really remember but there isn't that much alcohol in it."

He just smiled down at me. "Would you like to mingle now?"

Before I could answer the door swung open again but this time Jacob came walking in. "Hey Bells. You didn't look too great at the…Are you drunk?"

I scoffed again. I liked scoffing. It made me seem superior to the mystical creatures in my creatures. The thought made me giggle. "No and I'm fine. Angela and I were just talking."

He looked down at Angela and gasped. His eyes were locked with hers. He was staring at her as though she was the only one in the room. I was confused at first until I realized what must have just happened. My best werewolf friend imprinted on my best human friend. I was uncomfortable until I realized this would mean I would have someone other than Jasper to talk to. She would be able to know everything. I'd never have to lie to her again. I was so happy I almost squealed.

"Angela this is Jacob. Jake this is Angela. Jazz and I are going to go mingle." I grabbed Jasper's hand and led him into the living room where the rest of the people were. People were all having a good time, only a few people were still crying. I saw some of the other La Push boys here as well. They were all pigging out on the buffet. By the looks of them I wouldn't be surprised if they could finish it all themselves. I spotted a few people from school too but none of them dared to come near me with Jasper with me.

"Are you hungry Darlin?"

I shook my head which received a frown.

"What?"

"You're too skinny," he said softly. "You don't eat nearly enough."

I looked away from his eyes and bit my lip. It kind of upset me that he thought that even though it was true. When Edward left, I kind of stopped eating. In the past few days this had been the most I have eaten which I was only doing for Jasper. I didn't want him to know how pathetic I was. I mean I know he saw me at my worst when I was all suicidal but I didn't want him to know how far the self-harm has gone.

He wrapped his arm around my waist. "I didn't mean to upset you but it's true. I really wish you would eat more. It's unhealthy."

I just nodded and made myself a small plate of casserole and a corner of a sandwich. I found a corner where nobody was at and sat on the floor. I really wasn't in the mood to eat but if he thought I didn't look good this way I would eat until I was good enough for him.

Jasper sat beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "I hate the way you are feeling right now. I hate even more that I am the cause of those feelings. I honestly didn't mean to hurt your feelings but it isn't healthy to be so thin. You're still beautiful this way and you are good enough Darlin. Never think anything different."

I hesitantly looked into his eyes. I saw nothing but complete sincerity. I knew I could trust him to tell me what he was honestly thinking even though I already knew it. I quickly ate everything on my plate to make him happy. I didn't like to hear him speak with anguish in his voice. Jasper took my plate along with the slowly growing pile of dirty dishes into the kitchen.

I took a look around at everyone around the room. Rosalie was speaking to a woman I didn't know. She was either fat or pregnant, I couldn't exactly tell. Emmett was standing nearby looking extremely upset. At first I assumed it was the blood. I hadn't even considered how the blood would affect them. I glanced up at Jasper, who had just returned, because if Emmett was struggling Jasper would feel it twice as bad. There was an adorable smirk on his face.

He noticed me staring at him and said, "I'm winning." Smugness was clear in his voice.

I glanced over at the tables to see indeed Jasper was winning the bet. More than half of the cakes were gone. I couldn't say I didn't understand why. Jasper had made a delicious looking 2 layered chocolate cake with white chocolate icing. On top of each square piece had Charlie's name written in chocolate icing. Just looking at the treat made you think heart attack but Jazz assured me it was the healthy version of the cake. I wasn't sure how it tasted but the sight alone made me hungry which I hardly ever was anymore.

Emmett's desert wasn't terrible looking but it _was_ pie. Not everyone liked pie but everyone loved cake. Not to mention it looked incredibly dull next to the cake desert. The representation of the pie looked good but Emmett had said he was out of practice when it came to cooking. It was a cinnamon crumble apple pie with a dollop of whip cream. Some people had eaten it but there was still plenty left. I felt kind of bad for Emmett so I ate his desert first. The only kind of pie I liked was apple and this was the best apple pie I had ever had. It was wonderful but Jasper's cake had me drooling. I would have made more of both of them but I couldn't without wanting to vomit. They definitely had a career in the food industry if they ever got tired of high school.

The post wake dinner hadn't been as painful as I thought. After a couple of hours people began to leave. Unfortunately I had to go through the whole hugging strangers thing again. I didn't care all that much because throughout the whole time I was sneaking drinks when nobody was looking so I was pretty buzzed. I was pleased to see that Jacob gave Angela a hug before they left. She was practically bouncing when she hugged me goodbye. I knew they would be terrific together. When it all came to an end the werewolves and vampires were the only people left in the house. Besides Renee and Phil who had retired early. She said the evening had taken a lot out of her.

I grabbed a bottle of red champagne and plopped down on Jasper who was currently occupying a chair. Rosalie and Emmett sat down on the couch nearest to us. I gestured to the longer couch for the wolves to sit. Only four of the pack members stayed. It was only Sam, Jacob, and two others that I didn't know. I think only they stayed because they didn't want to intimidate the Cullens but in case things went wrong they wanted a higher advantage by having four to our three.

"How long," I asked with a slight drawl.

"How long what," Sam responded.

"How long have you guys been dogs?" They all seemed amused by the question which I was glad for. I didn't want to upset them when they were willing to work with us.

"I've been a werewolf for about a year and a half. Jacob just turned a couple months ago. Embry turned eight months ago and Quil 6." So Embry and Quil were their names, unusual, but I liked them.

"Oh so when are you going to tell Angela Jake?"

I giggled when his face turned a light shade of red. "I don't know. She isn't a freak like you. Werewolves and vampires are a lot to take in for normal people."

I scoffed and took a gulp from the bottle in my hand.

Jasper cleared his throat. "Victoria has killed three people since coming here, maybe more. As you know, she is after Bella. I fear we aren't capable of hunting her down on her own. I'm not comfortable leaving Bella or sending my brother and sister out alone. We are unsure if she is alone and I don't want to chance it."

"Why are they after Bells anyway," Jacob asked softly.

"We killed her mate, James. He wanted to kill Bella and he wouldn't stop until he had her. We had to take care of him or she never would have survived. We tried to get Victoria but we couldn't find her. Edward told us to give up because she would be crazy to challenge her. It was crazy to listen to him."

I could hear anger in Jasper's voice as he talked about Edward. I wasn't exactly on his side but it wasn't really his fault. He thought I'd be safe with his family protecting me. If he had expected her to come after me he would have gone after her…Unless he just hoped she would finish me so he wouldn't have to deal with me any longer…

Jasper began tracing the scar I got from James. It ran a few degrees colder than the rest of my body and it was a lot harder, like a vampire. I looked up at him. He looked angry though I knew it was directed at Edward, or himself. I pushed myself closer to him.

"So how are we going to do this," Sam questioned.

"Well I was thinking that since the treaty is mostly inconvenient now that we should get rid of it all together. We could hunt her down easier if there was no boundary line stopping us. We can keep Bella safe but we can't go hunt Victoria down without leaving her. We also need to worry about the people that are in danger now that she is here."

**JPOV**

The meeting could have been better but no one got in a fight so it was alright. Jacob lost his temper a few times but got it together before he changed. Young werewolves were too unsteady to be safe though I couldn't blame him for being angry. I was furious that Victoria was trying to steal Bella away from me. I would teach Victoria that taking things that wasn't theirs would result in a severe punishment. I couldn't wait to stick my teeth into her neck.

Bella stumbled back to me after saying goodbye to the mutts. It was one in the morning and her little drunk episode was beginning to wear off. I could feel the throbbing in my own head. It wasn't fair. I didn't drink but I got the hangover. I snatched Bella up in my arms and carried her to her bedroom. We cuddled on her canopy bed. I loved how warm and soft she felt in my arms.

Emmett and Rosalie were in their bedroom. I was a little worried about Rosalie because she had been near several pregnant people today. Since we had lived together for so long I could read her emotions easier. I had felt her pain and self hatred. I knew how bad she wanted a baby and she never truly got over the fact that she would never have one. All the money in the world and she would never truly be happy, whole. It hurt Emmett that she was unhappy. He loved her to death. I knew he would die just to give Rose a baby. I wish there was something I could do to lessen her pain, but who was I kidding. I couldn't lessen mine or Bella's so I didn't think I was ready to take on a third challenge.

Bella trailed her arms up and down my arm bringing back from my thoughts. I smiled down at her. She looked better than what she had in the past few days I have been. I think she was finally dealing with her pain in a healthier way. I was so happy she was accepting everything. Maybe she would even give our relationship a chance. I mean she kissed me but that didn't make us a couple. I wanted to take her on a date. I wanted to do something human with her like dinner and a movie. She was beyond all of this vampire crap. I wanted to treat her like she deserved.

"How long will Emmett and Rosalie be her," she whispered. I was thankful she remembered to. It would only hurt their feelings if they thought they were unwanted.

"They came to help kill Victoria. Once she is taken care of they can leave if you want them to."

She bit her lightly. "It's not that I don't want them here exactly…I liked it better when it was just us."

I smiled internally. It made me happy to know she would rather be with me than anyone else. She was becoming too depended on me though. I didn't mind but it wasn't healthy. She really needed other people to help her as well as me. Even when she was happy she was still in pain. It never really went away and I wanted to fix that. I didn't want o be a replacement though. If we do ever become a couple I want her to love me but not in the way she did with Edward. They were obsessed with each other and it wasn't natural. I wanted a better relationship then what I had with Alice and what she had with Edward. I wanted her to truly love me.

"I liked it that way too but they want to help. Besides they missed you."

She scoffed. She had been doing that a lot lately. It was so adorable. "Rosalie doesn't even know me to have missed me. She suddenly stopped hating me when she found out about Charlie and how screwed up I was after Edward. She is only being nice to me because she feels bad about me. Or Emmett is making her. Or she doesn't want to upset you. Either way, she is faking it."

Well I hadn't expected that. "Rosalie never hated you. Em would never make her do such a thing and it would only upset me if she were. She is being nice because she wants to be. She told you her story didn't she?"

"Yeah, she doesn't want me to be a vampire. I think it's because if I were one I would be in her life and she doesn't want that."

I sighed. We would have to work on her trust issues. "That isn't true Darlin. She does like you. I know she would really like for you guys to be friends."

She shook her head but said nothing more. I would have to find a way for the two of them to hang out more. Maybe it will help Rosalie too.

"Are you tired yet Darlin?" I glanced at the clock which read 1 in the morning. She needed to get up at 10 tomorrow to get ready for the funeral.

She shrugged but didn't say anything. I reached through the curtain and flicked off the light on her bedside table. When I settled back down she rested her head on my chest. We would both suffer through that. She would have to see her father one more time for the last time. The wake was hard enough for her so I wasn't sure how she would handle the funeral. I really wasn't looking forward to all of the blood and pain. The combination made me think of the Vampire Wars and I really didn't want to go there. If I were human it would give me nightmares.

"Maybe you should skip tomorrow. I'll be fine on my own and I wouldn't want o create any further tension between you and the wolves."

I shook my head. I had never met a human that cared so much about others than themselves. That was one of the reasons I was falling for her so fast. She was so selfless I didn't deserve to be with her.

"I won't make you go through that alone. I will be fine."

She looked up at me with those big brown eyes. I could get lost in them forever. She truly had no idea how beautiful she was. "Thank you," she whispered.

I smiled down at her. "I'd do anything to make you happy." She leaned up and pressed her lips lightly to mine. "Good night Darlin."

It was easier than I expected it to be. The service was quick and to the point. Bella cried when they lowered Charlie's casket into the ground. Her pain was the main emotion that I felt the whole morning. I only wanted to feel her, no matter how horrible she felt. When we returned home she was still crying. We curled up on the couch and I held her. Emmett and Rose were on the other couch to show her that they were there for her. Her parents look unsettled when they saw us but I couldn't care less. Bella was my one and only focus. I smirked internally; I think I was becoming a masochist.

Last night made me question her capabilities a little more. She could stop me from feeling her, affecting her, and she could feel me. I was starting to wonder if she could lead me to feel false emotions as well. I hated to think she would do that. It made me feel as though she had lied to me and I hope she would never do that. She started to talk in her sleep again. At first she only talked about Charlie but then Edward came into the equation. She said she would always be in love with him and nobody else compared. She never once said my name, only Edward's. She begged for him to come back so she could be happy again. If I was being honest with myself I had to admit that was so painful I wanted to cry and I probably would have if I were human. I had thought she was moving toward me but her words have led me to believe she was in the same exact spot she has been in since he left. I wasn't good enough to even be compared to Edward, the man who destroyed her. It made since. If I wasn't man enough for Alice why would I be for Bella? She deserved the best and that wasn't me.

"Bella," Rosalie called softly. She didn't move from her spot in my arms but she had heard her. "Would you like to watch a movie? Maybe it will keep your mind busy."

A soft shrug came from Bella. I really wish she would be nicer to Rosalie. She was very upset by the way Bella was treating her. She truly just wanted to be friends. I did understand why Bella was weary of this though considering Rose had been a bitch to her when she was with Edward. I still wish she could get passed that. Rosalie was a great friend to have and it would give Bella another friend to talk to other than me.

"That's a great idea Rose," Emmett said with forced enthusiasm. He felt sad which was probably because his sister and his wife didn't get along. "There are plenty of movies on that On Demand thing," he suggested as he grabbed the remote.

Bella sniffed a little and wiped her eyes dry. I pulled us into a sitting position and scooted away from her until I was leaning against the arm of the couch. Now that she didn't need to be comforted I wanted to put some distance between us. Well, that was a lie. I didn't want to but I felt like I had to. I didn't want to be hurt again. I wouldn't be able to take it.

Rosalie left the room for a moment before coming back with a box of tissue. Bella took it without a word. "Would you like anything to eat? Popcorn perhaps?"

I grimaced. She was starting to try too hard and it was getting on Bella's nerves. "No thanks," she replied shortly.

"Oh okay," Rose said sadly and went back to sit with Emmett.

"Bella you haven't eaten all day." It was already 1 so I knew she had to be starving. I let her pass on breakfast because I wouldn't want to eat before my father's funeral either. She needed to get some food in her system though. She was already too thin as it is.

"I could go heat up something for you," Rose offered.

Bella shook her head.

"Come on Bells," Emmett whined. "You need to eat. There is some casserole left."

"And there is plenty of Emmett's pie left," I added trying to lighten the mood.

Emmett glared at me but it made Bella smile a little. "Okay," she agreed.

Rosalie jumped up for the chance to please Bella but the sound of a car coming into the driveway had her pausing. "Were you expecting someone," she asked as she moved toward the door.

"No…" Bella quickly blew her nose and went to the door just as the doorbell rang. I wanted to join her but I restrained myself. She could handle this on her own. She didn't need me to hold her hand. I wasn't Edward so she wouldn't want me to anyway.

"Hi Bella. We are just so sorry about your father," a man's voice said.

"Thank you Mr. Newton."

My anger flared at the name. I wonder if he was just as much as an ass as his son is.

"Oh dear you look awful. Here I made you this for you. It's chicken primavera," the woman, Mrs. Newton I suppose told her. I wanted to throttle the woman. How dare she tell my Bella she was anything but beautiful? I stood but quickly sat back down. I couldn't kill the human so I had no reason to go out there. Besides, she wasn't my Bella anyway.

"Oh wow thanks," she replied blankly.

"It isn't a problem dear. I know how you must be feeling. I would never be able to get out of bed if my dad died."

I almost chocked on Bella's fury. I guess she didn't appreciate this woman pretending to know her feelings. I desperately wanted to go comfort her. I hadn't expected this to be so hard.

"Yes well I should be going back to bed then," she said sarcastically.

"Of course dear," I heard before the door slammed shut.

"Stupid bitch," Bella muttered as she stomped into the kitchen. I heard her slam around a few things before coming back in here. She plopped down next to me on the couch with a plastic white bowl and a fork in her hands. I was completely confused. She had been quite angry with this woman yet she was eating her food. Humans didn't make any sense.

"Why did she bring you food," Emmett asked.

"That's just what people do when someone dies," she said through a mouth full of chicken. By the delicate scrunch of her nose I was sure it didn't taste good but I was glad she was eating.

"Does it make you feel better?"

"Not in the slightest."

"…Then why bother?"

"People want to feel as though they are helping which they do by bringing you food. It is incredibly inconvenient and inconsiderate but that's how people are."

"Hm," Emmett said simply.

"Yup."

"Well what would you like to watch Bella," Rosalie asked quietly.

She shrugged but this time it was because she was still eating. "It doesn't matter," she said after she swallowed.

Eventually we decided on Julie and Julia. It was a movie about this woman who had nothing better to do with her life but write a blog daily about the recipes she's cooked from this person's book who she is obsessed with. It's really kind of pathetic but Bella really liked it and I had to admit it wasn't that bad. It was one of those movies that weren't supposed to be good but it was.

"There are more people coming," I said as we were about to pick another movie. Bella sighed and got up. She waited a few seconds before opening the door.

"Hi Mrs. Stanley."

Stanly, Jessica Stanley's mother. I already didn't like her.

"Hello Bella," she said in a sad tone. "You must be feeling terrible. Here I bought you some cookies. I made a lot because I wasn't sure how many Cullens are here…" She led off as if Bella was going to tell her if more of us had come back. She was just as nosy as her daughter. She continued once she realized Bella wasn't going to continue. "Well, they're chocolate chip and M&M. Oh and this is from the Malory's. It an ice cream cake though it won't compare to the one you had yesterday."

I smirked at Emmett who just growled at me.

"Well thank you."

"It's not a problem hun. You just go take care of yourself and if there is anything you need you just call me okay?"

"Sure," she said then closed the door.

Renee and Phil made their way downstairs. I was so glad the nausea finally passed. For the past half an hour I felt like I had to vomit. For a moment I was even dry heaving. In my opinion that was worse than vomiting.

"Where did that come from," Renee asked as she spotted the food in Bella's hands. I could hear her stomach growling.

"Cookies and ice cream cake." Bella's voice was stuck in monotone. She sounded dead and I really didn't like it. I haven't spoken to her or even touched her since she stopped crying. I was physically hurting because of it. I just wanted to hold her but I knew it wouldn't be the same to me as it was to her.

"Yum."

Bella managed to snatch a cookie before Phil and Renee took the plates into the kitchen. She came back to the couch just as Step Brothers started. She curled her legs underneath her and leaned into me. I stiffened before I could stop myself. I had made it almost three hours without touching her. Now that I had it would be hard to not want to. Why did she have to be so warm? She looked up at me with confused eyes.

"Are you mad at me," she whispered.

"No," I said shortly.

"Then why are you being so distant?"

"I'm not," I lied. Of course she knew thanks to her ability to read my emotions. I suddenly knew how my family felt and I did not like it.

She leaned away from me as her eyes filled with tears. She turned away from me so I couldn't see them but I smelt it. Emmett glared over at me. "What the hell man," he said low enough that she wouldn't be able to hear it.

I ignored him.

"Don't cry Bella," I whispered to her. "It's just the smell of food. It's gross."

"You never seemed bothered by it before," she hiccupped.

"Yeah…Well…"

"Save it. I know you're lying to me."

Her rejection was suffocating. "Don't. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." She sniffed a few times and continued to look the other way. "I will explain later, I promise." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into my body. She turned her head into my chest and the tears began to soak my shirt. Renee and Phil joined us. They looked sad to see her so upset. I was sure they thought it was because of Charlie and frankly I wished it was. I made her feel bad and I hated myself deeply for it. I told myself I would never let anyone ever hurt me again but I had to face the truth. I loved Bella and she could hurt me all she wanted and it would be worth it. I had nobody else. She wanted Edward and I needed to have someone to care about me. It would bite me in the ass in the end but that was life. It was my own fault to think she would want me anyway.

**AN: Sorry it took so long. I try to update at least once a week. I hope you guys like this one. It was the hardest to write so far. I really appreciate your reviews. They make me squeal with joy every time I read them Thank you very much! R&R**


	9. In My Head

I patted the ground after I buried the deer's body. The hunt really hadn't been necessary but the distance between Bella and I had been. She stayed clung to me after she calmed down crying. She asked me to join her upstairs so we could talk several times but I refused. I knew I wouldn't have been able to deal with what she had to say. After the movie marathon we had created finally came to an end it was really late. Bella was had begun to doze off while she lied on me. I knew I didn't want to be there with her when she slept tonight. I was afraid she would start to talk again. I would lose my mind if I heard her say Edward's name again. If he were smart, which he was not, he'd stay far away from for the rest of eternity. I would never forgive him for breaking Bella or ruining my chance for her to love me.

When I hunted my mind went completely blank. All previous thoughts of Bella and Edward exited my mind. My only focus was on the blood. Now that I was completely full though, I had no idea what to do. Bella really screwed me up and she wasn't even aware of it.

It wasn't completely her fault though. Alice had damaged me first. I bet she knew in the beginning that we weren't meant to be. She probably just staged the vision in order for me to believe her. I was so fucked up back then I would have believed anything just to feel like I belonged somewhere but I never truly belonged with the Cullens. I was the runt of group.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Emmett and Rosalie. They were always there for me but they had each other. Sometimes they were disappointed in me and it hurt. I never thought as Carlisle and Esme as my parents. Esme wasn't even older than me. They tried but it never felt right, besides I had parents, even if I could hardly remember them. Edward was more of a pain in the ass then anything. I couldn't even let my thoughts wonder without him assuming I was going to slip. I never really even liked him. Alice of course just controlled me. I shouldn't feel excited because I get to draw or dress a certain way. Those simple things should have already been an option to me but she took my freedom away a long time ago.

It made me extremely angry and aggravated. I was a fucking God to vampires. Even the Volturi feared me and yet I let a woman break me, control me. I let a coven of vampires put me down on a daily basis. I didn't deserve it. I had killed hundreds, if not thousands of vampires. I couldn't even count to the number of humans I murdered. I was the king of death. They should respect me, not walk all over me.

The sound of footsteps caught my attention. They were coming up fast. I would have heard them if I had been paying attention. At first I thought it was Emmett or Rosalie but this wasn't a scent I was familiar with though I had smelled it before. A growl escaped me as I jumped to my feet. I was too late though and Laurent was already on me. We tasseled on the ground as he tried to stick his teeth into my neck. I caught him in the face with my elbow. He flew off of me into a tree.

I jumped to my feet and settled into a crouch. With swift movements I ripped my shirt off. I could move easier when I wasn't being restricted and vampires were terrified of my scars. As they should be, it let them see how deadly I was.

Laurent had gathered himself and was about to leap at me but froze once he saw my body. He knew what I was capable of, what I could take. The mere fact that my body looked like this and I was still alive should have him running the other direction. His fear was practically oozing off of his skin.

"Laurent," I hissed. "What are you doing here?"

I noticed his eyes were the golden color of a vegetarian. He was supposed to be in Alaska with the Denali Clan. Victoria obviously called for back-up though and he came running like a little puppy.

"Please forgive me for my behavior. I knew you would want to attack me before I spoke so I only wanted to get the upper hand. I wasn't going to cause you real harm." His lies flowed so freely if I weren't an empath I might have believed him.

"Lie to me again and you will regret it," I threatened. I watched his feet as he took a step back. He was such a coward. He didn't even have the nerves to stand up to me.

"I am here for the human. I have nothing against her. I only wanted to kill her before Victoria got to her. It would have been painless. I would have waited until she was sleeping and snapped her neck."

Was his methods supposed to justify his decision?

A vicious growl filled the air. It took me a moment to realize the horrendous noise had escaped from me. I was slowly loosing the tight control I had gained over myself. I was a true monster at heart and I had kept that part of me suppressed for far too long. The murderer Major Whitlock wanted out to play. Laurent whimpered in fear only making it harder to keep it together. My victims fear fueled my actions. I couldn't wait to set fire to his remains.

"Where is Victoria?" I barely recognized my voice.

"I- I don't know."

I launched forward, catching him off guard, and pounced on him. I yanked his head to the side and bit into his shoulder. His howls of pain echoed in my head. Memories of my former war life entered my mind. They all had a different tone, but they all screamed exactly the same. I smiled down at him.

"How about the truth this time," I suggested sinisterly. Fear hit me in waves but I blocked it and threw it back at him.

"S-She will kill me if I tell you," he stammered.

"And what do you think will happen to you if you don't tell me? I am sure she will have greater mercy than I." If I even let him live long enough that is.

"Okay, okay. She is in Seattle. She found an old abandoned building big enough for her. Now she is just waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"For the right humans to come along to turn. She has decided to create an army to fight against your family."

I tightened my hold on Laurent causing him to squirm in pain. I didn't care if I was hurting him further. He was on her side so he deserved this. I let my hatred toward him flow into him. He twitched underneath me. I was sure if I wasn't pinning him down he would curl into the fetal position.

"What do you mean the right humans?" That was only one of a million questions. I learned long ago asking them all at once only left them overwhelmed which I didn't care about but it took them longer to answer.

"Uh…" he was stalling. He should know better that I would get my answers one way or another. I sent a series of punches to his face until he begged for me to stop. "I'm sorry. I'll tell you." He paused to spit venom on the ground beside him. "She has turned a human already before she came back to Washington. At first it had only been to cure her loneliness but then she realized the power he possessed she began to think about revenge. She warned you to just give up the human.

I growled at him and he was immediately silent. I raked my claw like nails down his chest to teach him not to say anymore than just the answer. Giving me an "I told you so" wasn't in his best interest at the moment. "What is his power?"

"Riley can see what ability a human would have if they were vampires. He believes they are in love so he will do anything she says."

That raised my fury even further. She was only using him to serve her own purposes. She and Alice would get along great.

"Where exactly is this building?" I hadn't ever been in Seattle long enough to know of any buildings that would be far away from civilization to keep newborns there.

"I don't know." I hissed. "No please don't hurt me. I honestly don't know. We never met there. She just told me about it I swear!"

I could sense his sincerity but that didn't make anything better. "When does she plan to attack?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

I breathed out a growl. He was useless to me now. I brought myself to my feet. "You have three seconds to get out of my sight."

He stood and scrambled away at vampire speed. Unfortunately for him, I was a fast counter. I took off after him, on the hunt again. People pray were much more fun to hunt then animals. This was an actual challenge but I was one of the best. I caught him and slowly tore him to pieces. His howls filled the air. I smiled widely and continued with more energy. By the time I was done more footsteps assaulted my ears. I was ready this time. I turned on my heel and flew at the person coming at me. He was pinned against a tree in five seconds flat.

"Hey! Jasper it's me knock it," Emmett shouted. I knew it was him but I was still having trouble releasing him. My inner demon was escaping me but I didn't know how to keep it caged. I just wanted to fight and hunt. Kill. "Come on bro this isn't you. You need to calm down. What if Bella saw you like this? She'd be terrified."

The sound of Bella's name made images of her flitter in my mind. Mine. I needed to see her, now! I took off back toward the mansion leaving Emmett in my wake. The sickening smell of fire and vampire skin was stuck on the inside of my nostrils. I crashed into the house and followed the sound of Bella's heartbeat. I was tempted to stop by the other human's bedroom but I needed to see my Bella. They would still be there when I was done.

Rosalie was sitting beside Bella on her bed when I entered the room. I hissed and she snapped her head up toward me. I smiled sinisterly as I tasted her fear. It faded when I realized her hand was in my Bella's hair.

"How dare you touch my mate," I growled, suddenly standing in front of her. I grabbed her by her hair and yanked her away from the bed. She hissed in pain when I shoved her against the wall. Bella stirred and began to blink her eyes open at the noise. I ignored her for the moment so I could deal with Rosalie. "You do not ever touch her. She is mine!"

She whimpered and sobbed quietly as she tried to pull away from me. "I'm sorry," she sobbed.

"You keep your hands off of my mate," I growled. She continued to struggle and sob. I grew bored with her crying. I released my hold from her and she fled the room, slamming the door behind her. I turned to look down at my beautiful human. She was sitting up looking up at me with wide eyes.

"Jazz," she whispered, her voice thick with sleep. "What is wrong with you? You're eyes…They are so black. There is no white. Why were you so mean to Rosalie?" I could fear her concern and confusion, along with a little fear. The last emotion disturbed me. She was my mate, I'd never hurt her. She had to know that. I wrapped her up in my arms, scaring her a little by my speed.

"She knows you are mine. She shouldn't have touched you." I nuzzled my nose against her neck. Her smell was the best scent in the world. She tried to push me away but I held on tighter.

"Jasper what is wrong with you," she repeated. Her fear was beginning to grow as I placed open mouth kisses on her neck. I could feel her pulse under my lips but she tasted better than her blood. "Stop it," she whispered.

I growled and threw myself across the room. "Why? Do you not want me because I'm not Edward because you don't love me or ever will? He left you and I'm here. He isn't coming back. I'd never leave you but all you can dream about is him!"

A tear trickled out of the corner of her eye and I realized how big of a mistake I had just made. I slid down the wall and wrapped my arms tightly around my knees. Everything was ruined now. She would never want to talk to me again. I had told her about my former life but now that she had seen me struggling to keep my sanity she'd never want me. Damn it! I wish Laurent was alive just so I could kill him again. He was the start of this. I was alright until he came. I almost lost myself to that monster. Oh my god, I wanted to kill Bella's parents. I wanted to hurt my brother and sister. I was a disgusting sad excuse of a vampire.

A small warm hand touched my shoulder. I looked up to see Bella sitting down beside me. I was so filled with self hatred I couldn't even feel her. I scooted away from her. "No stay away from me. I'm not safe."

She didn't listen to me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and moved onto my lap. I wanted to push her away for her own safety but she wouldn't let me. I wasn't in the right mind to know if I was hurting her or not so I gave up on trying to get her off of me. She leaned back slightly to look into my eyes. I quickly looked away. If my eyes were still black I didn't want her to see. She tilted my chin up and after a minute I looked back at her. She didn't say anything to me though. I watched her as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. At first I didn't respond but soon I had her tightly against my body as I kissed her with all of the passion I could.

The door flew open and Emmett stormed in. Rosalie waited by the door. Her fear was still her dominant emotion. "Let her go man," Emmett said slowly. His hands were raised as to show he wasn't going to hurt me. He should be afraid that I was going to hurt him. When I was finally beginning to calm down he comes in here and begins to harass us. I wanted to beat the hell out of him. Maybe it would teach him not to stick his nose in other people's business.

"Get out," I growled.

"You don't want to hurt her man. Just let me take her downstairs."

"No! She is mine!"

"Emmett, please leave. I don't know what's going on but he was calmer when you guys were away. He won't hurt me." She said it with such conviction I almost believed it myself.

"Bella it isn't safe. Jasper isn't in the right mind right now. Just go downstairs with Rosalie."

I realized I was growling but I couldn't stop myself. She was mine and they wouldn't take her from me.

Bella pressed her lips to my cheek before whispering, "I'm not going anywhere Jazz, but you have to calm down in order to make them leave."

"Bella he can kill you. Look at him. This isn't your Jasper anymore."

That was it. He dared to say that I would end my mate's life. He would pay for insinuating such a thing. Something inside of me snapped. He was right; this wasn't the weak Jasper that nobody cared about. I was Major Whitlock, the king of death. I focused my eyes on Emmett before sending him nothing but pain. His screams filled the air as he writhed on the ground. Rosalie fell to her knees beside him as she begged me to stop.

"Jasper," Bella whispered. I felt her hands on my cheeks as she pulled me to face her. She stared up at me with big wet eyes. "Stop it." It was a simple demand from a weak human that stopped my power against my brother. The pain was instantly gone but it still left Emmett gasping for breath. I felt the anger that was built up in me disappear and I realized what I had done. I regretted hurting my brother, he should have known better. I hated myself for scaring Bella and my sister. I wanted to runaway but I owed everyone an apology before I could. Bella deserved an explanation as well. My eyes rimmed with venom, she would never forgive me.

"Go," Bella told him with a bit more force in her voice.

Emmett slowly backed out of the room with Rose, not saying another word. They closed the door behind them. I listened to their footsteps as they ran to their bedroom; Rosalie was sobbing.

Bella was shaking silently in my arms but she was still holding on to me with a death grip. I didn't understand this girl. I could have killed them all and she was hugging me. I could feel her fear like a million of vampire's teeth sinking into my skin. I would never forgive myself for doing this to her.

She leaned back to look me in the eye. With one quavering hand she raised her hand to my face. Her thumb gently brushed back and forth below my eye. I hoped they weren't still black. "Jazz, please talk to me. You're really scaring me."

I sighed and looked away from her. Moving slower than usual to prevent from scaring her further, I moved us over to the bed. I sat her up against her pillows while I sat at the foot of the bed. She frowned at this. "Come here," she whispered. I could feel her need and longing for me. I wanted to hold her in my arms but that wouldn't be for the best at the moment. I did scoot a little closer to her so we were face to face. She wanted me closer but she was okay with this. Her small hands wrapped around mine.

"What was all of that about? Did Em or Rose try to hurt you? Are Phil and Renee okay?" she asked in a calm voice. Her emotions were still going haywire though.

It shouldn't have but it made me happy she expected Emmett and Rosalie to screw up before me. I was confused by her last question though. "You're parents are fine, asleep in their bedroom. Why wouldn't they be?"

"They are heavy sleepers but all of this noise should have woken them. I wasn't aware you were keeping them asleep. I just thought that maybe…"

Oh she thought one of us had killed them, probably me. Why wouldn't she think that though? I had been rough with my sister and tortured my brother. She had every right to think me a murderer.

"All of the bedrooms are soundproof," I explained. "It makes it harder for us to hear each other as easily. You're parents were unaware of the whole thing."

She nodded and squeezed my hand. "So… What happened?"

I lowered my head so she couldn't see my eyes. She had worn my clothes to bed tonight; a wife beater and a pair of boxers. She looked adorable and I wished I could have enjoyed seeing her this way. I let my fingers trace over the red scars on her skin as I began.

"I went out for a hunt and was attacked by Laurent," I began. I told her everything bout Victoria and the newborns. For a moment I had considered leaving out the Laurent part but I had to tell her that I had killed him, and I enjoyed it. I struggled to explain how I was out of control when I attacked Emmett and Rosalie. How my body had been taken over by my past and even though I saw what I was doing I couldn't stop myself. "I'm so sorry Isabella. I never meant to frighten you. I'm sorry."

She slowly pulled her hands away from mine. I felt my heart break once again.

"I understand if I have passed the line this time. Say the words and I'm gone."

Bella surprised me by replacing herself in her spot on my lap. "You said you weren't going anywhere. You can't leave just because you got a little angry."

"A little angry? I could have killed you. If I hadn't have snapped out of it you would be the only one alive in this house," I snapped. How could she be so calm about this? I was a monster for crying out loud.

My words made her flinch but she remained on my lap. "You could have killed your family and mine but you didn't. We are all okay." I began to argue but she clapped a hand over my mouth. "No. Everything is okay now. You're going to stay with me and not worry about your other side anymore. Though, you can't stay with me right now. Now you need to go shower. You smell really bad."

I smiled weakly at her attempt at a joke. Holding her close to me I forced my love on to her. I hadn't a clue where I would be without her. She was my rock. The vampire was nothing without his human. I smirked. After a few minutes I released her to head into the shower.

**BPOV**

I curled up under the covers once the bathroom door shut. I hated to admit it but for a moment I was afraid of Jasper. He had come crashing into my room with furious pitch black eyes. I had never seen him so angry and to see it directed toward Rosalie caught me completely off guard. The way he slammed her against the wall and yelled at her frightened me. I didn't want him to hurt her even if she had treated me cruelly in the past I didn't hate her. She was sobbing when Jasper finally let her go.

When he wrapped his arms around me and started licking my neck I began to worry. That wasn't the way my Jasper behaved. He was a well mannered gentleman. This Jasper was mean and rough. I couldn't say that I had completely hated it but I needed to know what had happened to make him so angry with her. When he brought up Edward I knew I must have started talking in my sleep again. It wasn't even the way he made it sound. We would need to talk about it later.

I couldn't believe he had brought Emmett to his knees in pain. I had no idea his power was that great. I knew he felt bad about it once he released him. There was so much self hatred in his body all I wanted to do was make it disappear. It pissed me off when Emmett accused Jasper of wanting to hurt me. I had to hide it from Jazz because I knew that wouldn't have helped anything. I was the only one that was able to bring him back to normal and I was so glad he returned to normal. I couldn't lose the Jasper I was falling in love with. I would never make it without him.

When he told me what had set him off in the first place I couldn't believe my ears. Laurent hadn't just come to kill me but he tried to hurt my Jasper. I was glad he was dead. We had to deal with Victoria though and all of her newborns. It was ridiculous how bad she wanted me dead. It was James' fault he was dead. I hadn't even been the one to kill him, not that I wanted her to go after the rest of the Cullens but still. I wish I were a vampire just so I could hunt her, see how she likes it.

I was beginning to fade into sleep when I heard the door open. I glanced behind me to see Jasper staring at me looking unsure what to do. He was only clothed in a pair of black pajama pants. It was too dark for me to see his scars but I could feel how self conscious he was. I held my arm out behind me. Slowly he crawled into the bed leaving a large gap in between us. That wasn't working for me. Ever since we I had pulled myself together yesterday morning Jasper has been trying to push me away. Did I need to break down to get him to care? I just buried my father yesterday and then this shit happened. I needed him to hold me. I turned onto my other side and snuggled into his chest. Very lightly, he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You should get to sleep," he said softly.

I shook my head. "Later, now we need to talk." He stiffened. "I just have a few questions," I assured him but he didn't relax. I decided to start with something simple. "Why did your eyes turn so black?"

"I am unsure. It used to happen all of the time when I was in Maria's army but ever since I left her it hasn't happened."

I nodded. "Okay. When you came in the room you screamed at Rosalie and said I was your mate. What was that about?"

He was silent for a full minute. His emotions were getting harder to understand so I gave up trying. "I wasn't in the right mind."

That wasn't enough of an answer for me. "Yeah but you were very protective of me. Is that what I am to you, your mate?"

"I know you don't return my feelings. I didn't mean to make you more uncomfortable," he said sadly.

I sighed. He really was getting bad when it came to assuming things. Everything was destined to go terribly wrong in that beautiful head of his. "Jazz what did you hear when I was sleeping?"

One emotion from him was perfectly clear; pain. "Can't we talk about this in the morning?"

"Can't you stop trying to avoid my questions," I countered.

"I heard you say you love Edward and nobody would compare to him. I get that you don't want me the way I do you but I would really appreciate it if you didn't use me. I thought you were starting to care about me but I was wrong. That hurts me so deeply. I can't take this pain twice Bella so please stop leading me on." His voice cracked with emotion.

Tears burned my eyes. How could he think so lowly of me? "That's not true," I said as I pulled away to look at him. He refused to meet my eyes. "I did dream of Edward but it was you I was speaking to. I will always love Edward but I was telling him you would never compare to anyone else! I do care about you. I wouldn't use you. I'm hurt that you would even consider I would. And you know what? Even if the dream was what you assumed it shouldn't have mattered because it was just a dream. It doesn't mean anything, I hardly remember it."

Jasper just stared at me dumbly.

"Ugh," I exclaimed in frustration as I collapsed onto the bed. I buried my face into the soft pillow. I would have preferred a cold hard chest but whatever. I was tired and I was done talking. Before I drifted to sleep I felt Jasper engulf me in his arms. His cold lips pressed lightly onto my cheek before whispering, "I love you" in my ear. An involuntary smile spread across my face.

"I love you too."

**JPOV**

I stared down at Bella as she slept in awe. Did she honestly say that she loved me? Before I could ask her she was fast asleep. Or was she asleep when she said it? Oh no. What if my feelings drifted off on her and she didn't mean it. I sighed in frustration.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale Cullen you get your ass down here now," Emmett roared. I tensed. I knew this was coming. He would want to kick my ass for hurting his wife and him. Not to mention putting Bella in danger. I gently released Bella and went downstairs to face my demise.

As soon as I hit the last step Emmett punched me in the jaw. I crashed into a table that we used from the post wake dinner. I winced as I stood up. He was about to come at me again but Rosalie held him back. "I should fucking kill you!"

"Yes you should. I am very sorry I put you through that. I should have better control over myself."

"Yeah you should!"

"And Rosalie I'm sorry I was so rough with you. I would never hurt you intentionally you know that. I am so sorry sister."

She ran to me. Our bodies colliding into each other sounded like two boulders hitting each other. I held her as she sobbed into my chest. I hated myself for hurting her. She wasn't even mad at me though. She was afraid, though I wasn't sure if it was directed at me or not.

"I'm sorry I am scaring you."

"I'm not scared of you. I'm scared for you."

I felt my eyebrows niche together. "I don't understand."

"I'm scared of losing you to the monster you once were."

I nodded. "Me too."

After I calmed Rosalie down and she convinced him not to kill me I told them everything I learned from Laurent. They were furious of course. Emmett called Sam to inform him while Rosalie called the Denali Coven. My anger rose for the hundredth time that night.

"Irina and Laurent had become very close when he was here. She is devastated that Jasper killed him," Tonya told Rosalie.

"He was going to kill Bella and he attacked my brother. What did you expect him to do?"

"Oh I don't know," she replied sarcastically. "Let him go."

"He would have come back after us with Victoria."

"She is just a human. If you would just give her up many would still be alive."

A growl was building in my throat.

"She is not just a human she is Jasper's mate," Rosalie hissed.

"Oh please! She was Edward's now she is Jasper's. Next she will be Emmett's. I don't care! Give her up or we will help Victoria in her fight."

With that the line went dead.

**AN: Alright I know you guys wanted me to update sooner so here you go. I really hope you like it. Please review. I'm already up to 101! Yay! Thank you!**

**Playlist So Far:**

**I Miss You by Blink 182**

**Break Even by The Script**

**World So Cold by Three Days Grace**

**Hold On by Good Charlotte**

**Open Wounds by Skillet**

**Breath Today by Flyleaf**

**Lifeline by Papa Roach**

**Your Disease by Saliva**

**In My Head by Richy Nix**


	10. Scream With Me

The sun had long ago rose which meant it was soon time for the humans to awake. Morning had long ago lost all meaning to me. I didn't have the liberty to sleep away the stress. It ate at me no matter what time of day it was. To sleep for only an hour would be more than I could ever ask for. Sleep isn't a possibility for our kind, though I felt exhausted at the moment. I just wanted to crawl into the bed next to Bella and let everything fade away. I couldn't imagine a time when my mind wasn't crowded with worries.

In the beginning I had to deal with how to survive in this life. I had to learn how to not let the emotions torture me. I had to be the best I could be to make Maria happy. I had to escape her. I had to do every little thing Alice asked so I wouldn't upset her. I had to fight on a daily basis to keep my need for blood under control. I had to worry that Bella would decide I wasn't worth the trouble. I had to make sure Victoria never got to Bella. The list could go on forever. For only an hour I would love to just escape it all.

My thoughts wondered to the conversation that had only been held a few hours ago. It was my fault the Denali Coven didn't want to help us. Laurent probably didn't have to die. If I hadn't been in such a rage I probably could have gotten more information from him. There was no way I could be sure he would truly never come after Bella again. That was a risk I wasn't willing to take. It was his own fault for trying to attack me in the first place.

It was understandable that Irina would feel pain over this. She and Laurent were probably mates. She should respect the fact that I was protecting my mate though. She would obviously have done the same if roles were reversed. I couldn't really blame her for wanting to get revenge but the rest of the coven I could. They knew how important Bella was to this family and they wanted to take her away from us. That was unacceptable.

I thought I had gotten control of myself. I couldn't believe how the monster had escaped me yesterday. I was so glad Bella caught me before it was truly free. If that had been the case Bella wouldn't even be able to save me. Over the years the Cullens had me under control with their constant rules and Edward in my head daily. It was always there though, the desire to kill, to hunt. I've suppressed it but with everything else going wrong I can't seem to contain it as I had before. Now was when it really mattered. I couldn't become that monster when Bella could be harmed. I loved her far too much to hurt her.

When we first met I just thought she was Edward's new play thing. I never felt the need to become friends with her, not that Edward would have allowed me to. He was so sure that I would try to bite her, which was true, but I had been fine before he pushed her into the glass. It was his own fault that I almost killed her. He didn't have to shove her that hard, or at all. I wouldn't have attacked because of a paper cut. When I came back it had been to apologize. When I saw her though…She was so damaged I couldn't bring myself to leave. I had only been here for about a week but I had fallen for her, which was just crazy but I didn't care. She was my soul mate, I was sure of it this time.

Movement upstairs alerted me to the humans that were awake. I reached out to feel Bella. By her emotions I could tell she was still asleep. I could feel her more clearly when she was sleeping because she couldn't pick and choose what she wanted me to feel or not. The shower in Phil and Renee's room started and I figured I could get them something to eat.

Opening the fridge I searched for the breakfast foods that were brought over yesterday. So many people had stopped by, without being invited, there were some things that needed to be tossed. Somehow nobody had brought over the same thing. It all ranged from breakfast to desert. They were very worried about Bella being fed even though the whole town knew she had people to take care of her. Of course while they were being _concerned _they hounded her with questions about Charlie and us. After awhile Emmett started opening the door in hopes of scaring off any other people that wanted to stop by. It worked. People came in groups then not at all.

I grabbed a plate wrapped in plastic that contained a bacon and cheese omelet. It was a pretty good size so after I heated it up I cut in half and placed it on the table. There was a container of biscuits so I added that to the meal. After filling two glasses of orange juice I started searching for Bella's breakfast. I didn't want to over stuff her. She has begun to eat again but so far she hasn't been able to finish anything I have given her. She was still too underweight to be considered healthy. I knew she liked fruit so I decided that would be the best way to start off her morning.

I wondered how she would feel. Her father had been dead for some time now but he was officially gone now that he was buried. I knew she would be upset over that. Then there was the fact that the Denali Coven would be fighting against us, which was my fault. I was a little scared that she would wake up hating me. I mean I know we had talked last night but she was really tired. Maybe she hadn't meant it. Alice lied to me all of the time. I didn't want to compare Bella to her but that was what it always came down to. I wanted to trust Bella but it was hard to do when she had been hurt just as badly as I had been. I didn't want to only be her rebound. I wanted her to be my mate.

With a bowl full of chopped apples, bananas, kiwi, and strawberries I headed upstairs to my…Bella's room. I knew pushing her to go further then what she was comfortable was bad but I wish I knew where we were at. A label didn't change anything but I wanted to call her something. I would even settle for the incredibly human label of girlfriend. I would rather be my girlfriend then to just stay in this in between place we were stuck in.

Bella was lightly snoring when I came into the room. I felt a smile spread across my face as I saw her hold onto the pillow I usually laid on. I carefully put the bowl on the bedside table and started to exit the room. I stopped when she began to move on the bed.

"Jazz," she whispered before blinking her eyes open. "Where are you going?" she asked as she saw my hand on the doorknob. She looked upset that I wasn't in bed with her. I didn't understand how she didn't get cold hugging on to me. I didn't want to cause her any discomfort.

"Nowhere Darlin." I returned to her bedside. "I thought you would sleep longer than this. You were up really late last night."

"I'm used to not getting sleep. I'm fine." She ran a hand through her hair as she sat up.

I handed her the bowl of fruit. "I made you breakfast, somewhat."

She smiled up at me. "Thank you." She took it from me and I watched as she slowly ate a piece. I could feel that she wasn't all that hungry but I was glad she was eating it anyway. The first day I was back she started to eat but then her life got worse so she stopped again. I didn't want to force her but I wish she would take better care of herself.

I sat quietly beside her, sketching in my notebook until she was finished. The image of Laurent face, twisted in fear was stuck in my face. I didn't feel bad about killing him but I did feel bad for making him believe he had a chance of survival. I turned the page and continued drawing the torment I had caused. Rosalie had looked so terrified when I had her shoved against the wall. She probably thought I would kill her. On the next page I drew the pain I had inflicted on Emmett. I honestly never knew my power could possibly cause someone so much pain. I have used my power for many things in the past but never to bring a man to his knees.

"It wasn't you," Bella said softly. I hadn't even realized she was so close to me. She had placed the half empty bowl on the table. I closed the notebook and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

"At one time in my life that was me."

"That was then. Now you are nothing like that."

I stared down into her wide brown eyes. "I don't deserve you."

She shook her head lightly, before leaning up and pressing her lips lightly to mine. "I meant what I said last night. I really do love you," she whispered.

I searched her emotions for anything that could show she was lying. When I didn't feel anything but sincerity I hugged her. After I left Alice I thought the rest of my life would be spent alone. Never before could I have imagined this angel would love me and give me a second life. I would never hurt her. Hurting her would be hurting myself. I wanted to spend eternity with her.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I know."

"So what does this mean for us? Are you my girlfriend?" I felt ridiculous asking such a thing. I hadn't had a girlfriend since I was human over a century ago. We loved each other so she should be my mate.

"Um…"

There were footsteps before someone knocked on the door. "Come in," Bella called. I sighed.

Rosalie stuck her head in. "Sorry to interrupt but your parents would like to speak with you." She quickly left. I knew she said she wasn't afraid of my but I was having trouble believing that. Bella held my hand as we descended the stairs.

Her parents were sitting on the couch. By the anxiety flowing from Phil and the fear from Renee I knew something was wrong. I really hoped it was nothing major because Bella didn't need any more stress. Emmett and Rose were in the kitchen, giving Bella the illusion of privacy I guess. I was going to do the same but she refused to let go of my hand. I squeezed her lightly to reassure her I wasn't going if she didn't want me to. We sat down on the couch and waited for them to talk.

"Honey, we're sorry but we are going to have to leave early. I really wanted to stay longer but Phil's mother has fallen ill and we need to go take care of her. If there were anyone else that could do it we would stay but there isn't."

She was lying.

I wasn't sure why but I could taste the deceit. There had to be something wrong with the baby and they didn't want to tell her. It was foolish for them to keep lying to her. If Renee was sick she deserved to know.

"Oh," Bella said sadly. "That's too bad. I hope she gets better. When will you leave?" I knew she was upset about this even without feeling her. She hadn't been able to spend much time with Renee during her short stay here. She told me Renee and she had been best friends when they lived together. Living in Forks had put a hole in their relationship. I felt guilty that I was the reason she was staying here instead of going to reconnect with her mother. I was a selfish creature so I couldn't bring myself to care that much.

"Tonight. The plane leaves at ten but it picks up in Lynnwood so we have a bit of a drive a head of us. We will leave here at 6:30."

That left only eight hours of their day together.

"Oh," Bella repeated.

I hated to see her so sad. "Why don't we go out before you leave? I'm sure there is something we could before you have to leave."

Bella immediately perked up. "Yeah we could go to the park or something."

"Well I did want to take some pictures before we left. We could go to dinner too."

I smiled. "That's a wonderful idea." I would suffer through any disgusting meal for my Bella.

"We could get some lunch and go see a movie too," Phil suggested.

Damn more food. Eating it was awful but getting rid of it later was just horrible.

"We'll leave in half an hour." The humans all went upstairs to get ready.

Emmett and Rosalie joined me in the living room. Emmett had a smug smile on his face so I knew he heard about the food part. "Sounds like you guys are going to have a fun time."

"Shut up. While I'm gone maybe you guys could hunt. Your eyes are getting a little dark."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Have you told Bella about the Denali yet?"

"No, I will once her parents leave. I don't want to keep piling bad news on her, at least not all at once."

"I think we should call Carlisle," Rosalie said.

"No," I said without hesitation. Bella didn't want to see them anymore than I did. She felt deserted by them, as she should. They claimed to have loved her then they left her. I at least didn't even become friends with her before I left. I realized I had some bad feelings toward them as well. Not just because they tried to replace my parents but because they allowed Alice to move Game into the house. They knew how hurt I was but that didn't stop them. They claimed to be parents but they only let their _children _push them around. I wouldn't be terribly devastated if I never saw them again.

There was also a possibility that Alice would come. I knew she was still with Carlisle and Esme. I didn't want to see her and her _real_ mate. The last time I had heard anything from her was when she was warning me about Bella. After that it was like she never existed. I had called her once. It was before Bella. She didn't answer which was when I knew we were never going to be anything more than strangers. I called our lawyer and now we are happily divorced. Well she is anyway.

"She has a point man," Emmett continued. "With more people we have a better chance of protecting her."

"Neither of us wants them here."

They both seemed shock by this. "Since when do you hate our parents?"

"Your parents," I corrected Rosalie. "They were never my parents."

"Jazz," Bella called from her bedroom.

"Look, I'll talk to her about it later but I'm pretty sure she will say no."

I ran upstairs before they could say anything. Bella was in her closet looking in the mirror. My heart would have skipped if it was still beating. She was the most stunning woman I had ever set eyes on. Her silky hair was slightly wavy and hung around beautiful face. She was dressed in a black flowing skirt that fell just below her knees. Underneath a black jacket she wore a fitting white shirt. Her delicate feet were incased in open toe wedges. I loved when she wore shoes like that because she was extra clumsy. I loved catching her.

"You look magnificent," I told her. She smiled at me through the mirror even though she felt disbelief. She really didn't see herself clearly. I took a few steps toward before I smelt it. The intoxicating smell of her blood filled my head. I was sure my eyes darkened. "Why?" I growled. I grabbed her and turned her to face me. There wasn't a large amount of blood and it smelt fairly old. Those two reasons were the only thing that kept me from losing it.

"I'm sorry." She wouldn't meet my eyes.

"I don't want an apology," I snapped. "Why did you do it?" I knew I was being really rude but I was hurt. She didn't understand how the damage she caused herself was painful for me. I have never cared about a person more than her and she insisted on damaging herself.

"There is something wrong with Renee. We both know she was lying about Phil's Mom. It made me upset. She and the baby are really sick. If she isn't here then it won't be just Charlie that isn't here. I woke up thinking I would never see him again. Then it's my own fault that all of those people died. I just…" I could smell her tears before they fell down her cheeks. I wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be alright but I restrained myself which was extremely hard to do.

"What did you use to do it with?"

"I pulled the blade out of my razor." That was when I noticed her hands. There were tiny cuts on her thumbs and forefingers.

I shook my head in anger and stormed into the bathroom. I searched the room until I found it stuck underneath the counter so she would be able to use it again. I crushed it in my hand before flushing it down the toilet. I couldn't believe she had done this again. I thought those damn pills were supposed to help her feel better. She shouldn't still want to kill herself. And if she felt so bad why didn't she just come to me? Why did she think she would have to go through this on her own?

I exited the bathroom to find her sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. I wanted to be upset with her but I couldn't when she was so miserable. I went over to stand in front of her.

"Can I see where you did it?"

She looked up at me with bloodshot eyes. Slowly she grabbed the hem of her skirt and pulled it up. On her thighs were angry lines of red. There were three new ones but there were several old ones that had already scabbed over. There were even a few that had already begun to fade. She replaced her skirt when I sat down beside her. I pulled her into my lap and held her tight as she sobbed into my chest.

"I'm so sorry Jasper."

"What were you thinking Bella? Cutting in a house full of vampires! What if one of us had smelt that? We could have killed you. And why do you want to hurt yourself!" Just the thought made a growl form in my throat.

"I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. Please don't be angry with me," she pleaded.

I sighed before kissing her forehead. "I could never be angry with you Darlin. I just wish you wouldn't harm yourself to make yourself feel better. You're better than that."

There was a light knock on the door. "Are you guys almost ready," Renee called through the door.

"Yeah, we'll be right out," I told her.

Bella got up from my lap and went into the bathroom. She was only in there a few minutes before she joined me with a freshly washed face. I stood up to leave but she stopped me by wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Are you tired of me yet?"

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I figure it's only a matter of time before you get tired of dealing with me and give up," she said sadly. "I have nothing to hold you here. I'm sure there are beautiful vampires out there that you would be very happy with. That you wouldn't have to try hard with. I'm more trouble them I'm worth."

I grabbed her chin, almost roughly, and lifted it to see her eyes. "I love you. I will never leave you. Without you I would go to the Volturi and let them end my life. Everything about you is perfect. You are my true mate and you're worth every bit of trouble I go through."

I bent down and pressed my lips to hers with as much passion as I could. Her warm body pressed into mine, making sure there was no space between us. She was so soft against me I never wanted to let her go. Unfortunately I had to. The impatience from Renee was getting on my nerves. She was probably contemplating rather or not to come upstairs again or not.

"Let's go," I said as I pulled away.

XxX

It was wonderful to see Bella so happy. When we left the house we drove the hour and a half to Port Angels. I drove only ten miles over the speed limit since Phil and Renee were with us. When we got there we went to the movie theater. Phil ended up paying for the four of us before I had the chance to. I expected them to want to see a love story type movie but the woman both fully agreed on A Nightmare on Elm Street. I had seen the original and loved it so the remake just seemed ridiculous to me. The humans were afraid of it though so of course I was too. I didn't jump like Bella did though. Half way through the movie she ended up pushing the arm of the chair up and scooting close to me. She stayed there in my arms for the rest of the movie.

When we left there we drove around until we found a place where the woman wanted to eat. Phil and I were pretty much just there for a ride. Today was all about the girls. We found a Chinese restaurant named the Golden Gate. Bella and Renee were talking nonstop. They only stopped long enough to order. I got the same things as Bella, orange chicken. I figured what I didn't eat I could sneak on to her plate and no one would be the wiser. I watched her as she and Renee laughed. It had been a very long time since I've seen her so happy.

"How long have you been together," Phil asked quietly, watching the girls as I was.

"Technically we aren't," I said truthfully.

"You love each other though."

I smiled. "Yes, very much so."

Once we left the restaurant we went to the park as Bella wanted. She drifted away from her mother and stuck close to me. She watched happily as her mother took pictures of everything she found even the slightest bit interesting. Bella slid her hand into mine and sighed contently. I had expected this day to be dreadful for her but having this time with her parents seemed to really help her. I pressed some of my love on her, just because I could now. She smiled up at me and returned the feelings.

We spent a few hours at the park, walking the trails and taking pictures. We were driving towards Forks for dinner so Renee and Phil would have enough time to get their things and get on the road. Everything was going fine. The car was filled with laughter; I almost hadn't seen him, almost. There wasn't enough time to grab them all out of the car and I couldn't possibly avoid hitting him unless I drove into the trees. Either way, we were going to crash.

Just before the vampire ran directly into the car I kicked the door open and grabbed Bella out. We fell hard together, rolling until we hit the trees. I tried my hardest to keep my weight off of Bella. I knew she wouldn't come from this unscratched. When we came to a stop I debated rather to stay with her or go check her parents. She quickly decided for me.

"Go help them Jasper!"

As I ran away from I breathed in deeply. The scent of blood hit me hard but I ignored the burn in my throat. This vampire was the only one around. When I got to him he had his teeth locked around Phil's throat. He was a newborn, that much was clear. He didn't even hear me approach him. The kill was quick and simple. I yanked his head back and snapped his neck. He crumpled to the grown. It would only be a matter of time until he would heal. I didn't have time to burn him yet. Phil was dead but Renee still had a pulse. The wreck had her beaten up really bad though.

I pulled out my cell phone and called Emmett. I spoke before he had the chance to.

"Vampire attacked us. We're only a ten minute run from the house. I don't have matches to burn the body so you must be quick. Phil is dead but Renee needs to get to a hospital now. I can't run with both of them..." I spoke in vampire speed to save time.

"I know," Emmett said. "Alice called. We're already on the way." With that he hung up.

I wasn't sure what to do now. I hadn't expected Alice to have a vision of this but there were a lot of things I didn't expect from her. The car was totaled so there was no way I could drive that to the hospital. I refused to leave Bella alone while I ran Renee there. Another vampire could be on their way right now. We would just have to wait for them to arrive.

The crunch of footsteps had my head whip to the side. I bared my teeth and growled before I realized it was only Bella. I was soon at her side checking her for damages. Her cheeks had scratches from the twigs. She was holding her right wrist and favoring her left leg. Her beautiful big eyes were filled with tears that were leaking over the rim. I carefully yanked her into my arms and kissed her with all that I had in me. I thought I had lost her for a moment. I don't know what I would have done.

"Jazz," she whispered when she pulled away. "How bad is it?"

My eyes burned with tears for her. "Phil is dead. The newborn got to him before I could stop him. Renee is still alive but she is pretty broken up…I don't think the baby will live." I didn't think Renee would either but that was more bad news than she needed right now.

"You have to take her to the hospital," she stammered through her sobs.

I shook my head. "I can't run with the both of you."

"Then I'll stay here! Just go!"

"I can't," I whispered. "You would be unprotected. I can't risk it."

"They could die though Jasper. You have to. Please," she begged.

I hated doing this to her but I couldn't let her out of my sight, not when I was so close to losing her already. It would be my fault if her mother and sister died though. She would never forgive me. I would rather her hate me forever then to lose her to death. She was my life and without her I was nothing.

"Emmett and Rosalie are comin' Darlin. I can already hear the car from down the road. It will be alright."

She slowly made her way to the car. Slowly she opened the car door to her mother. She placed her hand gently on her mother's bloody cheek. I stiffened when I felt her acceptance and self hatred. She was blaming herself again. I didn't quite understand the acceptance. Was she accepting that her mother wouldn't get better so she wouldn't be crushed like she was with Charlie? I wish I had been able to save them all. There was no telling how damaged Bella would be after this.

"They're here," I told her as I gently pulled Renee into my arms. Rosalie drove up fast, her tires squeaking once she came to a stop. She quickly went to work on the vampire. I settled Renee into the back of the car and quickly got Bella into the front seat. "Take care of this," I told Emmett before I took off as fast as the car would allow.

Bella didn't say a word the whole drive there. Eventually she cut her emotions off from me. It hurt to know that she was keeping her feelings from me but she had a right to. Though I really hoped I hadn't ruined this too much. I had just gotten her. I couldn't lose her now. I loved her more than I ever loved anyone in my whole life. She couldn't push me away. I wouldn't be able to stand it.

Everything moved fast pace once we got to the hospital. I held Renee as Bella ran in beside me. The doctors soon took her away from me. Her heart was beginning to beat much slower. The nurses insisted on checking out Bella even though she was being difficult. Eventually I just scooped her into my arms and carried her to the room they wanted to examine her in. I had no idea how they could have people dying all around them and still emit all of this lust.

I cringed as each poke and prod the nurse gave Bella caused her pain. They had tried to get her to remove her jacket to check her further but she refused. I knew it was because of her scars so I sent the nurse some acceptance so she wouldn't keep trying. She tapped up her ankle because it was sprained. When she got to her wrist she declared it sprained too.

"Now how did this happen," she questioned as she put a brace on her wrist. Bella closed her hand so she wouldn't see the cuts on her fingers.

"I had to pick glass out of something and it cut me up," she lied after a moment. Once again I pushed away the disbelief the nurse had. After signing some papers Bella was released an hour later to go to her mother's room. She hadn't said a word to me since we arrived. I wish I could feel her emotions but she was still blocked off from me. I tried to wrap my arm around her but she shrank away from me. I was glad I wasn't human because I would have broken down in tears. I destroyed our relationship before it even got started.

Emmett and Rose were waiting in a small room outside of Renee's room. By their reactions I knew it was nothing good.

"We cut Phil's neck up with glass to cover up the bite mark. After we burned the newborn we called the ambulance to come and get him. I told them it was a deer," Emmett told me quietly so Bella wouldn't hear.

"Thank you, brother."

We sat in the small room for about half an hour before a doctor came in. He was disheveled and worn out. He looked at us with sympathy in his eyes. "I am deeply sorry but she didn't make it."

Bella was sobbing into her hands before the doctor finished telling us. Emmett rushed over to her and wrapped his arms around her. I was glad he could comfort her since she didn't want me to. I wanted to at least send her calming waves but I didn't know if she would feel it or if she would welcome it. I just wanted her pain to end though.

"The baby is well though. She had to have an emergency C-section or the baby would have suffocated. She is really tiny, only 3 pounds and 2 ounces. We have her hooked up to an incubator to keep her warm and a ventilator to help her breath better. Bella…With her parents both gone she will have to be put into foster care when she is well enough to leave here."

"No," Bella said strongly as she raised her head. She gave him a hard look. "I will take care of my sister."

"Bella," Emmett warned quietly. He felt it was a bad idea and I agreed completely. It wouldn't be safe to have her with everything that was going on.

"No Bella is right," Rosalie said taking her hand. I contained the growl that was itching at my throat. She wanted Bella to keep the baby for her own selfish reasons. I knew she wanted a child but this was low. It wasn't safe and she knew it. "The baby is her responsibility now," she continued. "Nobody else should get her but her sister."

The doctor stammered as Rosalie looked up at him. "Yes you are absolutely right. Tomorrow there uh will be a social worker coming to uh so you can sign the papers." His face heated up.

"Can I see her now," Bella said. I could see in her eyes that she was anxious.

"Yes of course," the doctor said trying to compose himself. "She is in the NICU. Right this way."

**BPOV**

My little sister had her own room in the NICU center. There was a bed and a couch for the parents I assume. She was in a small plastic box with wires hooked all over her small little body. She really was a tiny thing. She was about the length of my arm and maybe the width of Jasper's. She was adorable though. She had Renee's brown wavy hair. She kept her eyes shut but she had long eyelashes. She had a cute button nose and cheeks that were a light rosy color. She was just so beautiful. I hated myself for taking her parents away from her.

Three people I knew had been killed trying to get to me. I didn't care what anyone told me. It was my fault and I would never forgive myself for it. Renee's death didn't hit me as hard as it probably should have. I already thought she would die before when she told me she had to leave. I never thought I would be the cause of it but I saw it coming though so I was able to handle it. I never really got to know Phil all that well. He was great with Renee though. He would have been a terrific father.

"You won't be able to hold her for awhile but you can put your hand in the whole. There is sanitizer on the wall over there. Visiting hours is any time for parents and really there are only supposed to be two people in the room at a time," he said sheepishly.

Rosalie smiled at him. "Don't worry doctor. We'll be out soon."

"Oh," he said blushing again. "I'll be on my way then."

I squirted hand sanitizer in my hand and made sure I cleaned every grain of dirt from my fingers. Hesitantly I stuck my hand in the hole and touched her tiny hand with my finger. She squirmed and opened her hand for my finger. A smile spread across my face.

"Hello Elizabeth," I whispered to her as silent tears slipped from my eyes. Faintly I notice Emmett say goodbye before Rosalie and him left the room. Jasper didn't make a noise but I felt him behind me. I had taken a lot of my anger toward myself out on him. Ever since we got here I hadn't talked to him, I hadn't even looked at him. He didn't deserve to be treated that way. He probably thought I hated him but I never could. I needed him in my life; I loved him, even if I didn't tell him as often as I should have.

"I'm going to adopt you," I continued talking softly to her. "But you will always be my sister."

She responded with a giant yawn. I smiled even though I was torn up inside. She would never have a mother and father. She wouldn't have a normal life. She would never have her mother teach her anything or her father to warn her about boys. No, she would have a sister that had no idea about anything that had to do with babies and her vampire boyfriend that could eat her if he got too thirsty. This was a bad idea but Victoria had a way of finding the people close to me. If I allowed my sister to be taken away Victoria could still hunt her down. At least if she was with us I knew she was safe.

"Hold me," I murmured to Jasper. Not even a second later did his cold arms wrap around my waist from behind. His cold body was the comfort I needed. I sighed and leaned into him. I raised my chin up and melted as he pressed his lips to mine. "I'm sorry," I said as I let him feel my emotions again.

"Don't be. I love ya Darlin."

"I love you too."

**AN: I hope that wasn't predictable. I'm just kind of going along with it. Please tell me what you think.**


	11. Animal I Have Become

A week had passed since the horrible accident that killed Renee and Phil happened. I relived the night every time I went to sleep. There wasn't a single detail that I could possibly forget. The police had believed Phil's body had been damaged in the wreck and didn't look any further into it. Emmett used a shard of glass to cut the main artery in his throat to explain the lost of blood.

Renee probably would have had a higher chance of survival if she hadn't been pregnant. The crash had caused her water to break prematurely. They had to make quick decisions. It was either save the baby or they both died. One out of three was still sad but at least Elizabeth survived. She was too young to not get an opportunity at life out of the hospital. At least Renee and Phil had been happy before they were gone.

The funerals were in Florida so I obviously missed it. Not that I minded at all. I had been to more than enough funerals to last me a life time. I felt bad for not being their but funerals were just a way to say goodbye. I had already done that so I really had no reason to do so.

It still amazed me how Jasper had managed to deal with all of the blood. There had been so much and he never even seemed tempted by it.

*****Flashback*****

Carefully I laid the tiny body bundled in the ugly hospital blankets on the bed in between my legs. I had been holding her ever since I got up at eight this morning, only putting her down to use the bathroom and for her feedings. It was already ten at night and my arms were killing me.

The doctor was surprised to find that Elizabeth was able to maintain a steady body temperature after only being out of the womb for three days. He took her off of the incubator but she had trouble breathing sometimes so she was still on the ventilator. For a premature baby she was extremely strong, a fighter. She made me think of Phil in that way.

I stiffened when she started making noise; I thought I had woken her back up. She screamed really loud when she got upset which she did whenever I wasn't holding her. It was nice at first, being close to her, but then I realized she probably missed Renee which made me sad. I watched as my little sister squirmed before settling down. Her light snores began to feel the air.

I leaned back onto Jasper's chest with a sigh. I was sitting in between his legs on the bed. I wanted to make sure he was close by just in case I dropped her. It was only partially because of my sprained wrist. Neither of us knew anything about babies because I never had any siblings and Jasper wasn't human. He had seen way more movies than I had so he knew the basics. He taught me how to hold her properly without hurting her. Every hour I stayed with her I learned something new. It was a joy to just watch her, even if the only thing she did was sleep, cry, poop, and drool. She hasn't opened her eyes yet but the doctor said that was normal and to just give her time.

"Jazz," I said softly so I wouldn't wake her.

"Yes, Darlin?"

Elizabeth smiled in her sleep as she heard Jasper's voice. He refrained from holding her all that much for the obvious reasons but he talked to her all of the time. I was sure if he were human he would have wanted kids. I could see him with two little boys and a girl with the white picket fence. I was glad that he would be a part of Elizabeth's life.

"We never really talked about the accident," I stated.

He nodded. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to or not." We were both silent for a moment, not sure what to say. He ran his fingers lightly up and down my arms. I couldn't really think when he was doing that.

"Um…Well, I was just curious to know how you were alright with all of the blood. Were you even tempted?"

"I'm not really sure how that happened. Since I have been with you my control has improved drastically. I think I was just so worried about you that I couldn't focus on the blood. Even if you were perfectly okay I would never hurt you by feeding off of your parents, dead or not." He pressed his lips to the top of my head. "How are you with all of this? Taking care of your sister, I mean. What are you thinkin?"

I sighed. If I ever knew what I was thinking I would be a hell of a lot calmer.

"Well…I feel kind of obligated to take care of her. She is my sister. But it's not just that. If I were to put her in the system there are so many things that could happen to her. Victoria could find her and kill her. She could get to a family that doesn't care about her or treats her wrong. She could end up with people that beat her. And I'd never be able to see her and make sure she was okay. I know being a vampire you aren't always comfortable being around humans and I just want you to know that when Victoria and her army are taken care of you can leave if you want."

That hurt me so much to say I had to block my feelings from him. I was suddenly glad I was facing away from him since I didn't have to see his reaction. I felt it though even though I was blocking mine from him. I gasped as the unexpected onslaught of emotion pounded into me. He was feeling so much hurt, confusion, and rejection. I felt tears burn in my eyes as I cut his emotions off. I hated myself for making him feel that way.

"You don't want me around?" His voice sounded so confused and heartbroken.

"Of course I do. I just don't want you to feel like you have to stay. I won't hate you if you ever find this is too much to handle. You didn't exactly sign up for all of this. I know that if you stayed it would be a daily struggle for you and I don't want that for you."

He wrapped his arms around my waist as tightly as he could without hurting me and rested his chin on my shoulder. I felt his cool breath on my ear. "I love you more than anything and nothing will pull me away from you. I'd rather die."

"But what happens when I do, die I mean. We aren't all immortal."

"I know Darlin but we can figure something out. If you want to stay human for the remainder of your life I am okay with that. I'd prefer to keep you forever but I'm lucky just to have you now. I will stick with you until you order me away."

I was surprised by his words. I never really thought being changed was an option. Edward had been so against it I had just assumed Jasper would be too. Though, I had no idea why. Jasper and Edward were nothing alike so why would they have the same values?

"Okay," I said simply and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

*****End of Flashback*****

I glanced up when I heard the door to our door slide in. I had expected it to be Jasper. About half an hour ago he had gone to get me some lunch. Rosalie was roaming the hospital's perimeter while Emmett was taking a wider sweep of the whole block. It wasn't really ready considering Laurent had said she was preparing an army. Even Jasper had said it would take at least four months to get them to the stage where they were somewhat functional. They couldn't be sure if Laurent was being truthful though so they were always alert.

I was surprised to see Jacob walk into my room. I placed Lizzie, my new nickname for my sister, into her bed. Jacob stood awkwardly, barely inside of the room. He looked even taller next to all of the baby equipment. He was wearing a pair of cut offs and a wife beater which was weird since it was really cold outside but werewolves had that weird extreme heat going on for them so he probably didn't even notice.

"Hey Jacob," I said as I crossed the room to hug him. He seemed even warmer to me since I was so used to hugging Jasper.

"Hey. I uh…I'm really sorry about everything. I promise that we will get her," he said sincerely.

I pulled away to look at him. For the first time I noticed just how exhausted he looked. His eyes were bloodshot and bruise like shadows hung above his cheekbones. He wasn't sleeping because of me. Jacob should be a normal teenage boy chasing girls and going to parties. It wasn't fair that he had to grow up so quickly. Victoria had ruined everything, and it wasn't even my fault. I didn't kill James. I didn't rip his body to pieces. I didn't burn him. All I did was lay there in pain trying to not allow the fire he pushed into my veins to take me over. The only person she could be angry with was James. Stupid vampire.

"I know you will Jake."

"So…The bloodsucker left you alone."

I gave him a dirty look. "The bloodsucker's name is Jasper and he didn't. Rosalie is downstairs."

He scrunched his nose. "Yeah I smelt her. Why isn't she up here with you?" He walked over to the couch and dropped on to it. His massive body took up most of the tiny loveseat. He ran a hand threw his shaggy hair and yawned.

"She does sometimes. They don't believe Victoria will attack soon or at a public place but they want to be sure. They'll relax when we can finally go home with Liz."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're keeping the kid. Do you think that is the best choice?"

I walked over to the bed and lifted Elizabeth out. Thankfully the wires were long enough to stretch almost all the way to the other side of the room. I could hold her while I was on my bed or on my couch. She made a noise of complaint as I woke her from the nap she was taking. All she ever did was sleep which according to the nurse was a good thing. I actually kind of wish she was more fussy so I could feel like I was actually doing something every once in awhile.

I sat next to Jacob and put my legs on his lap. Lizzie rested in the crease between my legs making soft cooing noises. She was making weird faces and for a second her eyes opened only to be slammed shut again. The light was too bright for her. She had been doing that a lot. Sooner or later she would adjust and we'd be able to see her beautiful eyes.

"I'm positive this is the right choice. I've gone through a million scenarios in my head and this was always the best result." Being next to Jacob she was already beginning to get warm. I took her little cap off of her head and raked my fingers softly through her hair. For a preemie, or a baby in general, she had surprisingly thick hair. Most babies came out bald but she had a mop of curly brown hair.

"What about school," Jacob asked. He stared down at my little sister with a look in his eyes. Was it confusion, maybe?

"I talked to the school officials and they said I didn't have to return until the 6th and the 7th for my finals. They understand that I need space from everything after all of this that has happened."

"We could work out a new schedule for those days. Sam and I could keep patrol around the school. Paul and Jared could patrol around the hospital. Embry and Quil could patrol around Forks while Leah and Seth keep up with La Push." He nodded to himself. I wasn't even sure he realized he had made that plan out loud. It didn't matter because I didn't like it anyway.

"Jake, if the guys are as exhausted as you are then they really don't need to overwork themselves. The Cullens are pretty much on it and they don't lose sleep over it. And, you know, you have school too."

He smiled, smugly. "Not any longer. We graduate early on the rez. My last day was yesterday."

"Oh…Well then you should be sleeping in until 3 and having fun with your friends like normal teenagers," I protested. It wasn't fair that he had to throw away his life for me. I really wasn't worth it.

"Honey I'm not normal."

I sighed. "I know."

Lizzie made a gurgling noise. I looked down in alarm only to see her smiling up at me. She was blinking repeatedly but her big hazel eyes were definitely open. I covered my mouth to keep from squealing in joy. I had expected it to take so much longer but she was so much stronger than other babies.

"She is really tiny."

"She was born two months early. She is doing really well though."

"Do the wires hurt her?" He grimaced as he stared at the plastic wire in her nose. I could not wait until she was able to get those taken out. She shouldn't have to be hooked up her first few days of life.

"No they just help her breath. Hopefully it won't be that much longer until she can have them out. Do you want to hold her?"

He looked nervous but nodded. I carefully lifted Lizzie up into Jacob's arms. "Am I doing this right?"

I giggled. "Yeah Jake. You're doing great. You should probably get used to holding babies. How is Angela by the way?"

I laughed as his face turned red. "We had a bonfire not that long ago. She knows everything now and she is okay with it. I really love her."

I smiled up at him. "That's really great Jake. I know you guys will be great together."

"You're the reason I met her. Thank you." He smiled over at me and kissed my cheek. Unfortunately I was lifting my head up to look at him when he decided to do it. His lips caught the corner of mine.

I jumped when I heard a growl. I looked up to see Jasper stalking into the room, dropping my food on the floor. His eyes were pitch black again. I had only seen him like this once before but I knew Jacob was not safe right now. I took Lizzie from his arms and stood.

"Jazz," I warned softly as I placed Liz in her bed. "Calm down."

Jacob jumped up to his feet. I didn't even see Jasper move but I did see Jacob fall to the ground with a bang. I felt Jasper's rage as he crouched into an attacking position. Growls were coming from him and he looked ready to pounce.

"Jazz, don't. Jacob, get out of here, slowly."

Jacob tried to get up but Jasper hissed and struck him in his leg, knocking him down again. Jacob was shaking all over. This room was not big enough for him if he were to change. Not to mention the fact that this was a hospital and if they kept being loud someone would come in and see this.

I got up and walked slowly to Jasper. "Bella don't it's not safe."

I ignored Jacob and placed my hand on Jasper. "Baby, let him go. You know I am yours. He was only thanking me."

"He kissed you," Jasper stated. The rumbling growl was still in his chest. "He had his hands on our baby."

I was shocked to hear him say that. Was that really what he thought about us, a family?

I wasn't really sure what to say to him when he was in this state. He cared about Lizzie as much as I did. I knew he would never harm her but I was worried for Jacob. His death would result in the lost of my best werewolf friend, the exposure of vampires, a pack of werewolves after us, and the lost of my best human friends because she would never forgive me. This definitely could not happen.

"I know but it is okay. You have to let Jacob go. If someone sees this they will make us all leave, without Lizzie. I know you don't want that. Let Jacob leave and we can talk okay?" I rubbed my hands up and down his arms, trying to calm him.

"Leave," he hissed at Jake.

Jacob seemed like he was about to protest but I cut him off. "I'll call you later. Just go."

He glared at Jasper before jumping up and walking out. Moving faster than I could see Jasper turned around and wrapped his arms around me. He was so full of hatred it scared me. He was mumbling something that I could only barely hear.

"You are mine! He shouldn't have touched you, kissed. I can smell his scent all over you. I won't let this happen again. You are mine. Nobody else can have you. I won't be weak this time. If anyone wants you they can fight for you. You're mine."

I understood why he was so possessive now. He didn't want to lose me like he lost Alice. This would be a normal reaction for humans but since Jasper was a vampire he was really aggressive. I really hated Alice. How could she do this to him? He was so unsure of himself. I couldn't even be angry with him for not trusting me.

"I am yours Jazz. No one will take me from you, I promise." I pulled back to look at his eyes. The blackness began to fade and then there was only his normal golden color. I leaned up and pressed my lips to mine. "I love you and only you."

"I love you too. I'm sorry…"

"Don't," I interrupted. "Don't apologize. I know you didn't mean to upset me. It's okay." Looking at him I noticed the rip in his jeans that wasn't there when he left along with the dirt on his shirt. "What happened," I demanded.

Jasper ignored my question and walked over to Lizzie. "Do you think it will be okay to hold her? The wolf made her hot. I don't think I will bother her much…"

She was already bundled in two blankets. I really doubt Jasper's temperature would bother her at all. I picked her up and placed her in Jasper's awaiting arms. He smiled widely at her when he saw that her eyes were open. She looked up at Jazz with wonder in her big eyes.

"She likes you. You should hold her more often."

He smiled at me. I ate the food he brought me as he cooed at the baby. It was so adorable to see them together. "Do you really think of her as our baby?" I asked once I was finished.

He felt embarrassed and I instantly knew the answer. "Yeah…I've always wanted a family."

I got up and joined him on the couch. "I think you will be a great father." I changed the subject. "Are you going to tell me what happened now?"

He sighed. "While I was out I stopped by Charlie's house. I was going see if there were some things that you might have wanted. There was a newborn there. He was gathering things with your scent on it. I chased him into the woods and killed him. Emmett went back to the house. He is going to clear out the house then we'll put it on the market."

I nodded sadly. I knew the house would have to go eventually. I would never be able to go see it without seeing Charlie's blank stare. It needed to go.

"Knock, knock," the nurse said as she came into the room. She was annoyingly cheerful and chipper. "Sorry to interrupt but Elizabeth needs to go through some test. If she passes she will be able to go home really soon!"

With a sigh Jasper released Lizzie and watched as the nurse took her away.

"Okay we can probably go back now," I said once the credits began to role.

"I'm hurt. You didn't enjoy our date."

Jasper insisted that since we wouldn't be with Lizzie we had no reason to be there. He took me to get ice cream then we went to a movie. It was nice to do this with him but I was worried about Liz. I wanted to know if she would be able to come home soon. Rosalie was there but that didn't make me feel any better. She wanted a baby. For all I could know she was trying to steal her! I hated thinking about her like that but it wasn't like we were best friends or anything.

"I did baby really," I assured him. "It was great. I just want to go see Lizzie. This is the longest I've ever been away from her."

He smiled and kissed me. "Alright Darlin. We can go back."

He held my hand as he drove. Every few minutes he would turn to me with a big grin on his face. I wondered what he was thinking about but I didn't want to break the comfortable silence that fell around us. I had never felt so comfortable with a person in my entire life. I knew he was the one.

"So, I was thinkin'," Jasper started after awhile. "After the newborns are taken care of we should leave somewhere. Just the three of us. We haven't been together long enough and I am just not ready to share you yet."

"That sounds like a great idea Jasper. Did you have any place in mind?"

"Well there is this island I bought awhile ago. I had bought it for Alice but she really hated it. I thought that well maybe you would appreciate it and well…If that doesn't seem like a good idea we can go somewhere else."

"I really hate her," I told him honestly. "Who doesn't like an island? It's an island!"

He smiled grimly. "It doesn't have a shopping mall or the type of animals she likes. Oh and there is a lot of sun so she could see my scars even better. I couldn't really blame her for not liking that part of it though."

"I don't mind your scars in the slightest," I told him honestly. "They're apart of who you are."

He smiled over at me but didn't say anything. He gently brought my hand to his lips and placed a light kiss on it. I felt like my insides were going to explode. He was so perfect and I would never understand how I had gotten lucky enough to have him.

**AN: Sorry I haven't written in awhile. My computer was screwing up. I just got it fixed so hopefully I can keep the chapters coming. I'm sorry this one was short. R&R**


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